- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Stay at Home Moms
too young to marry??
Blame this one on my now 18 year old cousin 
FWIW, I was 18 when we got engaged, 20 when we got married and 24 when the twins were born. AND I believe that a lot of sometimes its more of a maturity thing as opposed to age.
Said cousin was only 16, knew the guy for 3 months and her mom had to sign for her to get married. AND she then dropped out of high school.
So this one is two parts, 1.) (if you want to share) how old were you when (engaged) (married) (had children) and 2. do you think there is a point when someone is too young, if so what age? Just curious....
TTC #1 since 4/2007...
MFI (low motility/low Testosterone) & PCOS
IVF #1 August 2010...BFP
1st sono shows TWINS!!!!
Due May 23rd 2011
Ruptured @ 21 weeks (Jan 13)
Delivered 26 weekers (Blake and Addison) on Valentine's Day...
Keeping faith and praying, God has a plan and we just have to learn to follow.
Our Blog ... ourvalentinesdaysurprise.blogspot.com
This discussion has been closed.
Re: too young to marry??
1) Engaged at 20, married at 21 and DS born just before my 24th birthday.
2) I think it is definitely a maturity vs. age thing. For me I don't think I was too young but for the general population it would be too young. DH is 6 years older which helps because men often seem to need a few extra years to mature. So to answer your question I think anything under 21 is too young but that there are exceptions.
My entire family and DH's famil told us we were way to young to get married when we did. Both DH and I were 21, and I don't think we were to young at all. We got engaged when we were both 19. I had DS when I was 26. I feel as if I'm getting old, and need to finish having kids soon. I wanted my kids close together, but apparently it's just not in the cards for me yet.
I know times were different but my DH"s grandparents got married at 14..and are still married. Crazy. I could never imagine that.
I think if you have to have a family member sign for to get married, then it's too young. IMO
1. 36 when engaged, 36 when married, 41 when we got DD
2. Yes, but I don't have a set age. My parents said they were barely old enough at 24. And didn't want me getting married before I finished college. But I've known successful marriages when people were 19. It depends on a lot of factors.
I think I would have been an awful wife if I'd gotten married at 18-21. And remembering the guys I dated, it NEVER would have worked out.
Engaged- 22
Mairred- 23
Had DD- 24
Had DS- 25
Wow! That's crazy looking at that, I had a busy couple years! I think 16 is ridiculously young. Years ago, it was the norm but the world has changed and things are different. 16 year olds and not in ANY way grown up, IMO.
And I agree that most of the population would not be ready to marry in their early 20's (but not all). I think our society is changing and we are way more selfish and immature. Most of the people I know in their 20s have no desire for marriage and kids yet and are too busy partying and making a career out of going to college.
Engaged at 32, married at 33 and DS was born at 35.
This is a hard question to answer. I do think teenagers in general are too young, but there are always exceptions. I know I personally had no business even thinking of marriage through most of my 20's, but that was probably because I hadn't met "the one" and hadn't started to think about what it really means to commit and share your life with someone
It's all about maturity and most teenagers don't have it. But I wouldn't support a law against it or anything
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
We moved in together at 19, engaged at 20 married a few months later at 20. I got pregnant at 20, birth at 21.
Maturity and age do not go hand in hand. I know plenty of 20 somethings that are no where near ready to get married or even have babies. I was ready for marriage and probably rushed into getting pregnant but I love it now and have changed with my role as mother.
1) Marriage #1 - Engaged at 24, married at 25 and divorced by 26. Marriage #2 - Engaged at 31, married at 32 and had kids at 36 and 38.
2) I do think there is a "too young" cut off but I think for the most part it varies from person to person. For me, 24 was obviously too young because I made a terrible choice and was devastated when he left.
Having said that, I think 16 is too young for just about everyone.
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
I think being a legal adult is a good start for a cut off age to get married - I think having to get written parental permission to wed means you probably shouldn't yet be getting married.
I don't think that there is a certain age that applies to everyone, but in general, I think brains should be pretty developed (early 20s) and you should be legal for all things that our government sets age restrictions on. I don't suppose there is a wrong or right, but I don't think a lot of people are ready to make that type of commitment before 21.
I'm also ALL for being a independent, fully functioning adult prior to marriage. I think it is best if people have a chance to stand on their own two feet before getting married - but whatever, it doesn't really affect me when people get married/
I was engaged at 25, married at 26, had DD at 29.
How old were you when (engaged) (married) (had children)?
Engaged at 28 (couple of days after my birthday)
Married at 28 (couple of days before my birthday)
First child at 29
I will be 31 when DS is born
Do you think there is a point when someone is too young, if so what age?
Teenagers are too young in marry IMO. I know I would be divorced (at least I hope I would be smart enough to be divorced) if I had married my high school sweetheart - we dated for 8 years. I don't feel I would have been ready to get married at 21 when I graduated from undergrad either. I would hope that DD would wait until at least her late 20s to marry.
When I was younger my parents kept telling me that people change (mature) a lot from their teens to their late 20s and to hold off getting married until after school. I am glad I listened because both myself and the ex changed a lot during that time. He wasn't the same guy I liked back in high school and I know I probably changed a lot in his eyes too.
1.) Engaged at 22, married at 22, had DS at 24 (add 5 years for DH's age)
2.) I don't think the odds favor teenage marriage, but I definitely think it's a maturity thing. I've always felt like an old soul, but I know I would have been too young to marry at 18 or 19.
2. At the time we got married, I didn't think we were too young at all. Looking back now (I'm 27) I think differently. We've done a lot of growing up since then and just happen to be lucky that we grew together and not apart. If I could go back, I probably would have stayed engaged longer and waited until we were a bit older to actually get married. I think we may have had an easier time in the earlier years of our marriage that way.
In terms of other people's relationships, I think maturity has a lot to do with it. I will say, however, that if your parent has to sign off on granting permission for you to get married (i.e. You're under the age of 18), that's probably a sign that you're too young.
Engaged at 30, married at 30, and had DD at 32 - subtract 5 years for Dh's age. Yep, I am a bit of a cougar, well maybe not a full blown cougar but more of a cougar cub
I think you really have to know yourself and what you want out of life long term for marriage to work. I don't know many 16 year olds that really know what they want long term.
I would have been a terrible wife if I would have married any of the men I dated in my twenties.
1. Engaged at 25, married just before 26, had kids at 29 and 30
2. I think it is more of a "life experiences" issue rather than an age issue, but I will go on record as saying that anyone in their teens is too young for all of it, IMO. FWIW, I hope my girls wait until at least their mid 20's to get married. There's just so much to do and experience as an individual first.
I got engaged at 23, married at 25, had my first kid at 26 (and it was a surprise pregnancy, we were planning on waiting a *long* time before having kids).
I would never give my child permission to marry at 16, and would be unsupportive at 18.
I personally feel that you need to live on your own, develop independence and foster inner strength before formally committing to someone for the rest of your life, so I guess I would say younger than 22-23 is too young in my book. DH and I have been together since HS and knew before we were 20 that we would eventually get married, but we agreed to both finish college and spend a little time on our own first. I'm so glad I did that. We know a lot of couples we were sure would make it but during the years from 18-22 they grew in very different directions and ended up amicably splitting because of long-term compatibility changes, so I think getting through that time knowing you're in love, but waiting on the commitment, is a good idea.
I was 20 when we got engaged, 21 when we got married, 22(almost 23) when DS was born and 24 when DD was born.
I think if you have to have a parent sign for you to get married, you are too young. With that said though, my grandma had to sign for my mom to marry my dad. She was 17 and my dad was 22. They have been happily married for 29 years so I guess there are exceptions. I agree that it is more about maturity than age so it is different in each situation.
Started Dating at 16
Engaged 21
Married 22
First Kid 24
2nd Kid 26
Looking back, I never had a chance to just be me or be with anyone else.
I love DH to death and I am happy with my choices, I just wish I would of been 21 or 22 when we met and stood on my own two feet for a little bit.
1. Engaged at 19, married at 21, DD1 at 25, DD2 at 27.
2. I think if you need your parents to sign off, you're too young to get married. Aside from that, it's definitely more about maturity than age.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I was engaged at 19, married just before my 21st, and had DD#1 at 23 and DD#2 at 25...
DH and I really wanted to have kids in our 20s, DH's parents are older and his dad died when he was 17...so we both saw the importance in being around for our kids (being younger when we had them...
when we got married DH had finished college (I a year behind him) and we both had great jobs and had been living on our own since 18 (DH since 17)...we both we're ready to start our life together, once we had our first DD we had bought our first house and could afford for me to stay home with DD
I have so many friends that are still acting like their still in high school and cant seem to get their sh*t in order.....
I was 18 when we got engaged, 19 when we got married and 20 when DD was born. It is more maturity than age.
With my ex-H, I was 18 when our daughter (DD#1) was born, 20 and 21 when we got engaged (yeah, he did it again after a breakup) and I was 22 when we got married. We got divorced when I was 24.
With DH, I was 25 when we got engaged, 26 when we got married and 27 when DS was born.
As for getting married young, I just think it's a bad idea because so much changes in your 20's, more than many people realize. I know that maturity varies among young adults but I think that kind of choice is too heavy for the majority. Not only in my situation with my ex, but with DD#1's cousin as well. She married her military boyfriend when she was18 (he was 19/20) after dating for less than a year. Both sets of parents were actually thrilled. I see their battles on FB and it's ridiculous. They barely know who they are individuals and it's evident when they are trying to figure out who they are as a married couple with so much to learn.
I'm not saying that marriage at a young age can't work. I just think many young couples have this romantic idea of their grandparents marrying so young and celebrating decades of marriage. What they don't realize is how things today and not like they were back then.
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
Engaged at 22, married at 23, DD1 born 2 days after my 24th bday, DD2 born when I was 25.
I think that if you are not yet 18, you are too young to get married. After that, you're an adult and can make your own stupid decisions.
Joe and Ashley ~ June 16, 2007 ~ Olivia Rae ~ May 12, 2008 ~ 9:06 pm ~ 8lbs 4oz ~ 20.5 inches ~ Miscarriage of twins ~ April 16, 2009 at 6 weeks. ~ Surprise BFP 6/23/09 13DPO ~ Eleanor Rose ~ February 18, 2010 ~ 6lbs 15oz ~ 20 inches ~ Caroline Ruth ~ February 19, 2013 ~ 6lbs 12 oz ~ 19 1/4 inches
Our family is complete!
100% a maturity thing!
My husband and I met when we were 13, started dating at 15, engaged at 19, married at 21, parents at 26 (9 days before my 27th birthday). We are old souls and are also financial secure (because we work hard) which contributes to our stability. We bought our first house at 21 and second house at 24. We definitely weren't the type of teenagers and young adults running around at bars in the middle of the night.
On the other hand, my young (and VERY foolish) sister married at 18, had a rocky marriage from the start and is now in the process of divorcing. They didn't seek premarital counseling, didn't know each other for very long before getting married and were both too fun-loving and not hard workers. I would also venture to say that this is the majority of young people. (and who can blame them?) They are of the mindset that they are young and should be having fun. Being an adult is tough work...and anyone considering marriage and/or babies should definitely be willing to put in the hard work (not just talk about it).
1. 33 when engaged (Dec. 2006). 33 (1mos shy of 34) (April 2007) when I got married. Just turned 35 and was 36 when my 2 kids were born.
2. I think anyone in their teens is too young to be engaged or married. Shoot, I even think 20-22 is young to get married. Part of this may be because I was so "old" when I got married. However, I do think maturity does play an important factor in regards to getting engaged and especially married. Overall, my feelings are you should have lived at least 1 year completely and totally on your own before getting engaged and married.
1.) (if you want to share) how old were you when (engaged) (married) (had children)
Engaged at 24, married at 24, and my DS will be born during my 25th year. We've had a unique story in that I got pregnant pretty early into our relationship (I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant 8 weeks in...), but we had already been discussing marriage and knew that we were the right people to be together. I do know there are a lot of adjustments we are going through, and we are working towards a long, strong relationship together. We attend couple's therapy to help with the adjustment issues, and are growing together as a team that would not have otherwise happened SO quickly. Do I ever regret saying "I do?" NEVER. I love my DH with all my heart, and could not have asked for a more fabulous, supporting husband or future father for my children.
2. do you think there is a point when someone is too young, if so what age?
I really believe if you have to have a signature, you're too young! My state requires parents permission under 21 years of age, and I whole-heartedly agree. I know of an 18 year old who just got married July 10th. She filed divorce papers August 6th! Less than ONE month later! Why? Because it turns out, they couldn't handle living together! So, when the time comes, I fully hope my children are at least 21 years of age, because I will NOT be signing a consent form for s/he to get married!
Met XH at 19, engaged at 20, married at 21, divorced at 23. Met my partner at 24, engaged at 26, pregnant at 27... I turned 28 a few months ago and I'll obviously still be 28 when my LO is born.
I got married pretty young, but it honestly wasn't the stupidest thing I've ever done. I learned a lot of important things from my first marriage and from my XH (who was ten years older than me). He's not a monster or anything... Things just didn't work out between us. I was never in a vulnerable position in our relationship.
Sometimes I wish I'd never married him, but I know I'm a better partner and a better person for having had that experience. Getting divorced isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I am really glad we didn't have kids together, though.
So, to answer your question, I think teenagers are too young for marriage in 99% of cases, but I find the idea of teenagers having children far scarier. Marriages can end in divorce, but when you have a kid with someone, you are pretty much stuck dealing with that person (and their family) for life.
First marriage: engaged at 18, married at 19, split at 19, divorced at 20. I definitely think I was too young, but no one could tell me anything different. Also, we weren't together nearly long enough to know each other well enough to get married.
This time, my real marriage (the other I call my practice marriage lol): engaged at 23, married at 24, Elliot at 25. We dated for 2.5 years before we were married.
Engaged at 23yo
Married at 24yo
First child at 27yo (we had been trying for almost 2 yrs)
IMO, if you have to have parental consent, you are too young.
Mama Jan's Kitchen... a food blog
Engaged in May: Me 18, DH 20
Married in October of same year: Me 19, DH 21
Baby in October: Me 21, DH 23.
I don't think it was too young for us but it would definitely be too young for some of our friends. It's definitely a maturity thing. However, I agree with the PP that said if a parent needs to sign then they're too young. I'm not sure I would ever sign for my child to get married even if a pregnancy was in play.
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
1. Engaged at 20 (started dating at 17), Married at 22/23, had DD at 25/26
2. I think under 18 is too young and can't imagine a scenario where I would sign those papers for DD.
I do think maturity is different for every person and there is no specific set age where someone is automatically ready to get married. We were definitely ready and mature at 22; my sister is 25 and nowhere near wanting to get married; my parents were married at 19 and have spent 30 years in a fantastic marriage.
When we were 19 (sophomore year of college) we came up with a plan to get married over the summer, have DH transfer to my university, both keep our part-time jobs and live in married housing. We thought it was the best idea we had ever come up with. We are smart, well-educated, normal people but we got so caught up in the idea that there was no talking us down. Finally, one night we sat down and went over the financial details in depth. We had not even thought about the fact that we would have to come off of our parents' health insurance and car insurance along with a million other expenses. It took about an hour and one Excel spreadsheet before we realized it was not going to happen.
We look back now and laugh at how crazy/stupid we were! I know our parents were relieved when we abandoned the idea and waited until we were both done with our undergrad degrees. Anyway, we were young and in love and tired of living a few hours away from each other. I can see how people can easily get carried away with the romantic idea of young love and just wanting to be together. I am glad we waited a few more years!
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011
1) (We are the same age.) started dating at 14, started planning to get married someday and got a promise ring at 16, officially engaged just under a month after turning 19, married at 19, DS#1 born at 21, DS#2 will be born at 23
2) I think age doesn't matter. It's all about the maturity. I also think it depends on how long you've known the person. We dated for 5 years before getting married and I personally would never recommend getting married before 3 years. I think that if you are going to get married younger you need to really know that you love the person enough to work through the hard times and grow together and know that its really what you want for your life. I know from personal experience that if you truly love someone you can overcome anything to be together. I do believe things were different in the old days as well. My SIL and I have a theory that since the time God gave man the knowledge he needed every generation has gotten a little more dumb and immature. My DH's grandparents got married when she was 16 and he was 19 and I have relatives that got married at 14 but I certainly don't think most people are ready for that earlier in life anymore. I think most people are too career driven and want time to (be young and have fun) and worry about family later. I got married and had kids years before any of my friends.
Engaged at 21, married at 23, first child at 27.
I've always thought (mostly tongue-in-cheek, but still) that if you're too young to drink at your own wedding, you're too young. However, I do have two friends who were married at 20 who are still going strong (though they had some rough patches). I shudder to think how my life would be now if I'd married the guys I was interested in at 16 or 18. I was mature for my age (I think), but I just didn't know a lot about healthy relationships.
Engaged at 27 and married at 27. Had DD at 32.
I wouldn't say that there is any particular age cut off, but I do think that I have some advantages as an 'older' first time parent. If I'd had a baby at 21 it would have been a totally different experience than it is now. That's not to say bad, just very different. I wouldn't change anything.
I was engaged the first time at 21, married at 23. That relationship lasted 10 years. Maybe if we hadn't had a serious problem (his) to deal with, the marriage would have lasted.
I certainly know that getting married the second time at 37, I had a lot more experience making relationships work, and knew a lot more about who/what would make me happy in a marriage.
You can't really compare parents' and grandparents' marriages at a young age to today's marriages because expectations were completely different a few generations ago (specifically, women had much lower expectations of men).
Looking forward, for who I hope my daughter will become, and the kind of adventurous life I hope she will lead, marriage before 25 seems too young.
My mom got married at 25, and that was considered very, very late in 1963. Some people even put it out there that she might be a lesbian. I think the average age for marrying at the time was 19? Of all my mom's college friends (who basically went to school for a MRS degree), not one marriage survived.
I want to add that I wouldn't tell my daughter "no" if she wanted to get married at 19. That would be hypocritical since I married young-ish. Nothing could have stopped me then. I would just prefer she wait until her mid-20s, at least. Now that I'm in my 40's, even 25 seems crazy young.