Success after IF

It was confirmed.

**Warning.  I'm in a dark place right now.  So read at your own risk.**

The bleeding increased and decreased this morning.  I put a pantyliner on just so I'd be able to gauge how much I was losing...none ever showed up on my panties so I didn't think it was THAT much.  Lost a few clots...not much though.  Get to the doc office building and I felt a little gush.  I went to the potty before I went in, while I was waiting on DH to get there.

I knew exactly when I passed my precious Phoenix.  She just looked different from all the other stuff I was passing.  The worst part so far, aside from the pain and sadness, was having to flush my sweet baby down the toilet.  

God and I are not on speaking terms right now.  I am having a difficult time understanding why he's taking my baby and my Daddy in the same short time frame.  It's not fair and it's excruciatingly painful.  Physically and emotionally.  I'll get by because I have to...but for now I'm mad. 

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Re: It was confirmed.

  • I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.  Life sucks so bad sometimes.  I'll be thinking and praying for you.  
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  • I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug.  It's not fair and I am so sorry.
  • Em, I am in tears for you...please get in touch with me if you EVER need to talk..love you 
    Ron and Nora married 6.3.06 21 cycles, 1 m/c, 4 rounds clomid, 1 round gonal f and 3 IUI anovulatory cycles, LPD
    Joey, Ronnie, and Audrey,
    my awesome IUI 30 week twins, and my surprise miracle Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    LOVE my SAIF ladies :)
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  • I am so incredibly sorry sweetie, I will keep you in my thoughts. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Being angry is normal, and so is any feeling you have while you go through this. Big (((HUGS)))
    "Normal day, let me be aware of the treasured day you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart...let me hold you while I may."

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    TTC #1- unexplained...lost left ovary 4/07 IUI #1 2/10/09-BFN IUI #2 3/5/09-BFN IVF # 1-BFP

    TTC#2- FET 4/7/11 BFP, Natural mc 5/5/11 IVF#2 ER 9/13/11, ET 9/16/11, Beta #1 9/27/11 BFP 254 Beta #2 9/30/11 793 -Twins!

  • Oh honey... I'm crying... just crying for you and your sweet little baby.    I am so sorry.    You are absolutely right that this isn't fair - no one should have to go through any of this, but all at the same time is just incomprehensible.   Please take very good care of yourself, and give yourself a lot of slack to feel whatever you need to feel and do whatever you need to do to get through the day (or the hour, the minute...).     ((((HUGE HUGS))))
    Brought to you by IVF, ICSI, limited fert, and oocyte cryopreservation.
    Because we're fancy like that.

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  • I'm soo sorry. I know exactly what you saw as I saw it with one of my m/c also. I'm here if you want to talk. 
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    Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin. Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
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  • I am so, so sorry.
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with you right now.  Hugs.
    5 IUIs | 4 IVFs | 2 sweet little girls Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm so sorry :( Will be thinking  of you today...its just not fair :(
    1 chemical and 1 loss at 9 weeks prior to DS
    IVF #1 1/10-transfered 2 blasts- DS born 10/2010

    Trying for # 2 since 2012.  2 failed FETS 1 failed IUI.
    IUI#2 4/14/14-- BFP !!!!! Beta #1 14dpiui= 45 Beta #2 16dpiui= 80  Beta #3 18dpiui= 88 (chemical pregnancy)
    March 2015- Chemical pg

    1/25/16- BFP  Beta1 12dpo = 17, Beta 2 14 dpo = 28.. resulted in one beautiful boy born 9/21/16 :)

    Now I'm a stay at home loving life and pursuing my love of photography!!!
  • I am very sorry to hear this.
    DX: PCOS * Success with IVF

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  • It is not fair and I am so, so sorry for all the pain and heartache you are suffering right now.

  • Sh!t! I am so angry and sad for you. I am so, so, so sorry. Let me know if I can do anything at all. BIG HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker TTC since Dec '04 Severe MFI-diagnosed 12/06 3 failed Fresh IVFs FET #1 - BFP!! 2 blasts tx on day 6. Beta #1 8dp6dt = 56, Beta #2 = 600, Beta #3 = 5600 My Blog Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I am so incredibly sorry. I know there's nothing anyone can say to make you feel better right now, so just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • I am so, so sorry.  My heart breaks again for you with this news.  I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through and am keeping you in my thoughts. 
    After 2 years and 6 IUIs, we did it with IVF w/ ICSI!
    BFP with no treatment!
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  • I am so sorry it is just not fair ((HUGS))
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  • I am so so sorry.   You have every right to be mad along with your grief.  Hugest hugs
  • I am sorry for your loss.

    After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
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  • Big hugs to you sweet lady.  I have no words for you just wanted you to know how sorry I am and much Ill be praying for you over this very dark time in your life.  You will make it out, you are a strong and beautiful woman! 

    "I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine

    "All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."

  • iI am so sorry, life is not fair sometimes. Big hugs.
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  • My mouth just dropped as I read your post. I am so sorrry of the sorrow you face. I would encourage you to just be mad as long as you need to be. Work through your emotions and take care of yourself.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  Last year, we lost my FIL suddenly and then our first baby and it is really just too cruel for words, all you can do sometimes is survive, as there is no good answer to why.  Please take care of yourself hon.
    TTK 9/06 / TTC 10/08 / Twins 12/11 / Life Blog
    5 REs + 3 surgical hysteroscopies for septum/lap + 3 failed IUIs
    IVF w/ICSI/AH & acu = BFP!, unexplained spontaneous m/c @ 8w2d (our little girl),
    FET w/acu = BFP!, B/G twins!, lost MP @19w, dx w/funneling cervix @20w,
    twins nearly lost to IC @21w, saved by rescue cerclage, 17P & 16w of bedrest
    Our twins born @36w4d via CS when A came foot first

    Thankful for every day

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  • Oh man, I am heartbroken for you. I can't imagine how mad and sad you must feel. I am praying for peace for your weary heart.
  • I wish I was close by to sit with you and be pissed off at the world, too. It is not fair and it sucks. I am so very sorry.
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  • I'm so sorry.  You have every right to be mad.  This just isn't fair.
  • I am so sorry for loss. Your anger is 100% understandable. You have every right to feel that way. Please take care of yourself.

    DX: DOR and MFI 

     

    IVF w/ICSI brought us our 1st precious miracle

    V born via induction 4.29.11

    TTC #2: IVF (MDLF) August/September 2012

    ER 9/7: 6R, 5M, 4F ET 9/12: 5dt of 2 blasts 

    +HPT 9/17! Beta #1 (9/25) = 1,000 Beta #2 (9/27) = 1,860 U/S #1 (10/11)...TWINS!

    1/8/13 - It's a..boy and a girl!!   

     

    S&B born via induction 5.8.13

     

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  • I'm so, so sorry. (((hugs)))
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  • I am so so sorry Em. 
  • My heart just sunk for you.  You have every right to be pissed as hell.  I hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel for you...I have to believe there is.  HUGS.
    Childhood cancer (DH) + chemo + radiation = 0 sperm.
    LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
    LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
    Life is beautiful!

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  • I am so, so sorry.  Life is so unfair sometimes and you have every right to be extremely mad right now.  You will continue to be in my T&P.  Huge, huge (((HUGS))). 
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  • Oh gosh hon - I am so, so sorry for your loss. (((((hugs)))))
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    Unexplained Infertility

    After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

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    TTC #2
    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

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    Surprise! Baby #4 is due in March!
  • I am so so sorry you are going through this (((hugs)))
    A lot of years and a million tears finally led me to you.
    After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
    My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
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  • Oh Em, I can't even tell you how sorry I am.  I wish I could give you the biggest hugs right now.  I am devastated for you.  This is so unfair.
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  • I am so so sorry.  Life is just not fair to good people and I don't know why.  Take care.
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  • I am so sorry.
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  • I'm so sorry sweet heart. 
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  • I'm so, so sorry.  I hear ya on god.  Wasn't much of a believer before my pg loss and cancer, and certainly not a fan right now.

     

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    I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
  • I'm so sorry. I've been thinking about you all day. I'm just so, so sorry.
    After 7 failed IUIs, IVF w/ ICSI worked!!

    I am thankful every day for my miracle after infertility.

    And thrilled to be pregnant again after FET!

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  • I'm so sorry! (((HUGS))) I was hoping that you would have better news today.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.
    TTC since 10/06 - Went to RE after 6 months of TTC due to AMA -Diagnosed with MIF 5/07, only option IVF with ICSI - IVF #1 cancelled due to cyst, never got to ER - IVF #1.5 10/07, BFP - Robert Andrew born 7/30/08 Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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