Pregnant after a Loss

Selfish post but I don't know who else to ask.

Ever since this happened with my BIL I have been having more frequent BHs. I am sure it is probably because of the stress and maybe I haven't been drinking enough. I am just really worried if the baby comes early or even on time I will be completely unprepared. This happened the day before my shower so of course we cancelled it. The thing is I was waiting for my shower before I bought too many clothes or other items because I didn't know what I would others would buy us. Now I don't what to do.

I have been spending most of my time at the hospital. All I have is the crib, dressers, bedding, moby wrap, and very few clothes. I guess the only thing the baby will really need is a couple outfits, the car seat, and RNP sleeper. Should I just go out and buy it even though it has been purchased off my registry? I know people may send them to me or come see me but I don't know if I should depend on it. 

I don't mean to be thinking about myself during this time, but I wouldn't even be able to take the baby home at this point. I obviously can't talk to anyone IRL about these concerns. Thanks for listening.

Re: Selfish post but I don't know who else to ask.

  • I would probably go ahead and purchase the items that you need in order to get the baby home.  You can always return anything that you would then receive later.

    With being on bedrest and my shower was not scheduled until October 29th (invitations were just going to be mailed out the week after I was admitted).  We are just going to purchase the essentials and then go from there.

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  • I would "guess" if this was my friend I would either drop off my gift or have it mailed if this was the situation...maybe wait a week or 2 to see if gifts come in...and drink water lady with your feet up  {{{{HUGS}}}
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  • Something like the carseat, I would get. You don't need much in the first weeks. Diapers, wipes, oil/powder, clothes, carseat and PnP. I would get the carseat since that's a coming home need.
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  • You're allowed to be thinking of yourself and your baby even though your family is going through a crisis.  You have a major life event to prepare for and it could be some time before anyone in your family is in the frame of mind to complete your shower.  I am sure your family members will present you with the gifts they've pruchased for you but any of the essentials you feel you need now I'd go get them.  Then whatever you're given that's duplicate can be returned for a store credit and you can use your registry completion coupon with that credit to get the rest of the things you need.  Don't feel guilty and make sure you're taking care of yourself and your baby.  I am sure your sister would tell you the same thing!
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  • Is it possible for someone else (I know your sister was throwing the shower I think), so maybe like a close friend who isn't focused on your BIL (ie, not your sister, mother, or you) reach out to the guests and just "let them know" that they are welcome to mail or drop off their gifts so you'll be prepared if the baby decides to come early.

    You could always have a Meet the Baby (or whatever they are called) afterwards and do a display shower with all the items people were generous enough to buy.

     


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  • imageVampyAuthor:
    Something like the carseat, I would get. You don't need much in the first weeks. Diapers, wipes, oil/powder, clothes, carseat and PnP. I would get the carseat since that's a coming home need.

    This....

    You need the essentials to feed, transport, bathe and clothe the baby and that's it right now. Diapers, wipes, a little baby wash, a few sleepers, car seat, a bassinet or PnP if you don't have a bed yet, something to feed the baby with (breast/bottles/formula) and a couple of blankets because the weather is changing now.

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  • You don't sound selfish at all.  I really feel bad that you didn't get to have your shower, even though I know it probably seems minor compared to your BIL's health.  If I were you, I'd buy the last couple items you really NEED, and get the car seat installed.  People will probably start sending you gifts, but you shouldn't have trouble returning extras.

    If you're buying the car seat from BRU, make sure you combine your 10% completion discount with a 20% off coupon!

    Also, do your best to get lots of rest.  You need to take care of yourself these past few weeks!!  ((HUGS))

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  • So sorry for all of the stress lately and hope baby stays in there a little while longer.  I don't think you're being selfish at all.  You're just trying to be prepared for the LO which is good parenting despite everything going on.  I would probably buy the bare basics like the car seat and RNP and make sure you keep the receipts (not everybody includes them in their gifts) and then return the gift if you do get another.  They will never know that the one you have isn't the one they purchased and even if they did, who would judge for trying to be prepared after things didn't go as planned?  Take care of yourself and drink lots of water. 
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  • imageDoingItRight:

    I would probably go ahead and purchase the items that you need in order to get the baby home.  You can always return anything that you would then receive later.

    With being on bedrest and my shower was not scheduled until October 29th (invitations were just going to be mailed out the week after I was admitted).  We are just going to purchase the essentials and then go from there.

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  • imageVampyAuthor:
    Something like the carseat, I would get. You don't need much in the first weeks. Diapers, wipes, oil/powder, clothes, carseat and PnP. I would get the carseat since that's a coming home need.
    This. You're not being selfish at all! You're thinking of your LO. Get what you need and if people start dropping off gifts, or you have a meet the baby shower later, you can always return the duplicates.
  • I think I would get the bare essentials for bringing the baby home, just in case you need them sooner than later. You can always return duplicate items. I do not think you are being selfish for thinking about this and wanting to be prepare for the arrival of you LO.
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  • imageJen98jib:
    So sorry for all of the stress lately and hope baby stays in there a little while longer.  I don't think you're being selfish at all.  You're just trying to be prepared for the LO which is good parenting despite everything going on.  I would probably buy the bare basics like the car seat and RNP and make sure you keep the receipts (not everybody includes them in their gifts) and then return the gift if you do get another.  They will never know that the one you have isn't the one they purchased and even if they did, who would judge for trying to be prepared after things didn't go as planned?  Take care of yourself and drink lots of water. 

    This exactly.  I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.  ((Big HUGS))

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  • imageECHC829:

    Is it possible for someone else (I know your sister was throwing the shower I think), so maybe like a close friend who isn't focused on your BIL (ie, not your sister, mother, or you) reach out to the guests and just "let them know" that they are welcome to mail or drop off their gifts so you'll be prepared if the baby decides to come early.

    You could always have a Meet the Baby (or whatever they are called) afterwards and do a display shower with all the items people were generous enough to buy.

     

    I would do something like this.

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  • imagejinx75:
    You're allowed to be thinking of yourself and your baby even though your family is going through a crisis.  You have a major life event to prepare for and it could be some time before anyone in your family is in the frame of mind to complete your shower.  I am sure your family members will present you with the gifts they've pruchased for you but any of the essentials you feel you need now I'd go get them.  Then whatever you're given that's duplicate can be returned for a store credit and you can use your registry completion coupon with that credit to get the rest of the things you need.  Don't feel guilty and make sure you're taking care of yourself and your baby.  I am sure your sister would tell you the same thing!

    Same.

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  • You are not being selfish AT ALL so get that thought out of your head.  I would probably buy some of the basics and wait a few weeks.  I'm sure people will start contacting you to either drop things off or mail them.  


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  • imagejinx75:
    You're allowed to be thinking of yourself and your baby even though your family is going through a crisis.  You have a major life event to prepare for and it could be some time before anyone in your family is in the frame of mind to complete your shower.  I am sure your family members will present you with the gifts they've pruchased for you but any of the essentials you feel you need now I'd go get them.  Then whatever you're given that's duplicate can be returned for a store credit and you can use your registry completion coupon with that credit to get the rest of the things you need.  Don't feel guilty and make sure you're taking care of yourself and your baby.  I am sure your sister would tell you the same thing!

    Couldn't say it any better. ((hugs)) during this difficult time. This weekend, I'd purchase what you need now (carseat, PNP, NB clothes) and keep the receipts. I also like PPs idea of asking a friend or another family member call/e-mail your shower guests to let them know they can drop off gifts (If I were a guest, I would be wondering how I should send the gift to you. I'd probably end up shipping it, but it might take me awhile to do that). If you don't want to deal with accepting them now (esp. if you're at the hospital often), maybe the friend/family member can offer people to drop them off at her house? 

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