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Stay at Home Moms
June2007
member
s/o religion.... holidays ? for agnostic/atheist/non-believers (and an intro of sorts...)
June2007
member
Hey there,
A question for those who don't believe in organized religion. What will you do/say about the holidays? Like Easter and Christmas? I felt like this needed a new post because I am truly at a loss as to how we will handle it as our children grow. I am hesitant to throw out all traditions. ETA: or Hanukkah or any other major religious holiday you celebrated with your family.
I felt like saying "Yes! Me too! Exactly!" while reading the responses to the last post. I didnt add to that discussion because I am so late to it and have had all my thoughts pretty much summed up in the responses already.
My own background is in the Episcopalian church, my grandmother was a nun (in this faith you can become a nun after a spouses death by takings certain measures) and was brought up forced to attend church but was allowed to choose weather or not to be involved. I struggled through bouts of resisting to trying very hard to believe/fit in/have faith. I always had questions that were never answered and I always had nagging doubts. As I learned more and grew these doubts grew louder but I put up a believing front. What sealed the deal was actually attending a private religious college and taking religion courses and learning more about the bible- I left those classes with more disbelief and unanswered questions. I still kept up my front and was even employed by a church but our recent move allowed me to finally give it up and stop pretending to be something I'm not.
A little intro since I dont think I've posted her before: I'm and avid lurker, infrequent poster but have been around these boards since 2007 (and before on theknot) I was a SAHM w/ DD#1 until she was 15 months, then I worked PT. Now we just moved so I had to leave my (previously mentioned job) so I am a SAHM again (for now).
My 2 girls, both born on a Friday the 13th, are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 hours and 2 minutes apart! And Baby Boy joined us October 11, 2013!
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Re: s/o religion.... holidays ? for agnostic/atheist/non-believers (and an intro of sorts...)
Meaning what exactly? You focus on the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus?
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We celebrate Christmas the same way most people do, I imagine. I don't make a point for it to be "secular," we do the same stuff I did growing up as a kid, minus church on Christmas Eve (although we even did that last year).
Easter has never been a big deal in our family. We usually all get together for dinner, and the kids get baskets, buts that's it.
Thanks! Good points.
I suppose I am over thinking it, I have hardly celebrated these holidays in a religious way in a long time. For the first time this year though, we will not be around friends and loved ones who will assume that we will attend mass and such. Not that we have for a long time but we have always made excuses for our absence. For the past several years I have been two different people, one in my head/ at home and another (falsely) in my job and outside world. My religious upbringings still tell me to keep my questions silent and even "outing" my self on here makes my heart beat a little faster, like I'm evil. Though logically I can see that I'm not but being a part of such a religious community I know how I will be seen (as a lost sheep, literally!). Not that I am making a big deal out of anything or throwing a "coming out" party or anything but not picking up in a new church here in our new town will not remain unnoticed forever with old friends/ family members. And I'm sure it wont even be a huge life breaking deal that anyone is going to cry over but l feeling a little shocked (yet incredibly liberated) at dropping the false pretenses of believing. And now I'm rambling.... shutting up...
)
Correct.
We focus on holidays as family time. As DD gets older we will talk to her about what they symbolize but will focus on Santa, Easter bunny,l etc. For me Christmas is very spiritual, even if we are not religious. I will talk about the story of the birth of Jesus because I really like the story. It's weird because I love some Bible stories and think they can be taken as valuable lessons, even if I don't really believe in organized religion (or all parts of the Bible).
I guess DD will grow up learning all sorts of holiday traditions and she can mold them into her own ideas. If she wants to attend Church on Christmas, I will happily go with her. But we as a family will focus on family, love, good food and yes, Santa and gifts. One thing I hope to do is focus on community service. This year we will take cookies to the nursing home up the road and visit with people.
We celebrate the "spirit" of Christmas. Easter is all about the candy...and ham.
My IL's are extremely Catholic - DH is not. I was loosely raised Unitarian, and given freedom to practice what I wanted....which was (and still is) nothing.
We have a family we are close friends with who are spirit filled penacostal, so pretty religious
Callie (and later Carleigh) hear all of there religious stuff from them (not that we avoid it or mind) and get the Santa/Easter bunny stuff from us. I am a firm believer in a lot of Celtic/Pagan beliefs so she also hears some of that from me. Lately DH has been reading up on a lot of Buddhism things and says that he feels very strongly about it.
We decided when DD1 was born that we don't care what religion she wants to be, or not, and she can pick. If she gets a little older and wants to go to church with our friends, we'll let her. They actually got her a nativity little people set for Christmas and she loves her "little baby jesus" and carries him around a lot, I think it's cute.
Sounds simple enough.
I suppose that is basically what we do anyway but now we can do it with out pretending we are going to church. Actually we used to go to "our" churches easter egg hunt and then leave with out attending mass.
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What everyone else said. Christmas and Easter are all about family, love, togetherness, food, wine, gifts, music, decorations, etc.
I believe they were Pagan holidays in the first place anyway. I don't believe in Jesus, so that will never be a part of either holiday for us.
The holidays are a tough one. I grew up in the Congregational church and LOVED Christmas. It was deeply meaningful to me, far beyond the presents. I loved going to (and being in) the Christmas pageant every year, singing the songs, cutting down and decorating the tree, baking cookies -- on and on.
It's weird to me now, explaining Christmas to DD. I'm glad I haven't really had to get into it yet. I don't believe Jesus was the son of God anymore (since I'm agnostic), but I do believe he was a great and inspiring person, and I'm okay with celebrating his birth. My parents and brother always come for the week of Christmas, so in a way it's just another family time in our house, like Thanksgiving but with a tree and lights and cookies.
As for the spiritual part, I'm not sure what to say, if anything. Everything I think of seems really lame. As a kid, Christmas was so beautiful to me, "tidings of great joy," "peace and goodwill toward men" and all that. I know you don't need formal religion to celebrate those things, it's just my feelings about this have always been framed by those beautiful Bible verses and the imagery. It's hard for me to develop a new way of talking about goodness that is equally inspiring.
DH is pretty turned off by all religion since he grew up rebelling against his more traditional Christian family, so he's no help.
ETA: Easter has never been a big deal to me, probably because I've never believed in the concepts of hell or sin, so never thought we needed to be saved from those things. So I only totally overthink Christmas, lol.
We are both what i suppose you would call skeptics on religion. The degree to which we believe varies from day to day! That said, I generally would call myself agnostic to spiritual in some way. Our families are Christian, although they don't really attend church regularly either.
I focus on the family and giving aspects of the holidays and continue to celebrate them. We are still debating though on how we are going to approach these things once DD gets old enough to understand what's going on...
We do not celebrate Easter on any level, it is just another Sunday in our house. Our son is only 1.5 so I am sure he will be curious once he has friends that celebrate the holiday.
I would love to do the same with Christmas but DH said that was not going to happen. We use it as a family day. MIL gives jammies on Christmas Eve, we do breakfast with presents Christmas morning. And then lunch/dinner together while watching basketball (that doesn't seem like it is going to happen this year). There is no mention of Santa or God/Jesus. It is a day for family to give presents to the ones they love.