Fresh toddler

amyfelice · October 2011

What do you do when your kid is fresh to you? I am not so into Time Out's, so I just tell her not to be fresh, etc. but I don't know if I am just encouraging it by not being more adamant. Is this just a phase? For example sometimes she tries to kick me out of a room or says "NO, You don't!" if I sit near her. It is actually getting a little better so maybe it's working, it's mostly when she is in "daddy mode" or a little mad at me for something or just really frustrated about something. She does it to Dad sometimes too but he just ignores it.

GirlStylist · October 2011

what do you mean " fresh to you " ? Verbally or hitting or challenging etc ?

ZoeMay06 · October 2011

Kyva does just what you described from time to time too, usually when she's tired or cranky. Honestly, we just ignore it because acknowledging it at all just seems to make it worse. We're hoping it's just a phase, so we haven't been giving time outs or anything when it happens. I think it's about control for them. They now realize that they have an opinion and can express it to have an influence on things, but they haven't quite figured out how to do it yet so they go way overboard.

amyfelice · October 2011

ZoeMay06:
Kyva does just what you described from time to time too, usually when she's tired or cranky. Honestly, we just ignore it because acknowledging it at all just seems to make it worse. We're hoping it's just a phase, so we haven't been giving time outs or anything when it happens. I think it's about control for them. They now realize that they have an opinion and can express it to have an influence on things, but they haven't quite figured out how to do it yet so they go way overboard.

Yes, that's what I figure. @Mel, Its mostly verbal, sometimes she pushes me away. One time she was in bed with us and wanted me to get out so she was kicking me but she was very sick and in pain, so I gave her a pass, just made DH take her back to her room.

My.ABC.Life · October 2011

When that happens with DS, especially if he's playing with DH and doesn't want me in the room - we both tell DS that that is not a nice way to talk to Mommy and that we can't play with him unless he talks/plays nice. We usually ask or wait for an appology before we continue playing.

Mrs_Shmoopie · October 2011

When J speaks to me like that I'll usually say, "Excuse me?" in that kind of I'm-Giving-You-A-Chance-to-Rethink-Things way. Then I'll say, "It is not okay to speak to me like that. If you (fill in the blanks: Want to be left alone, are playing w/daddy, etc) then you can tell me that in a nice way because you may NOT speak to mommy/daddy like that." And I'll try to give him suggestions on what is okay to say, "I want to be left alone right now, Mommy," or whatever.

Yes, there are times when I'll give him a pass but, for the most part, I'm not okay with being spoken to like that -by anyone, especially my child. If J is very sick or it has been a once-in-a-blue-moon particularly tough day then I may let it go. But just normal nighttime grumpiness? Not okay. I get tired and grouchy at work all the time but I don't speak to my co-workers like that. And I try not to speak to my friends (or spouse) like that either. If I slip then I apologize. I expect the same from J. It's... a work in progress. But, for us, I give him a chance to correct the behavior -we don't do time-outs for that usually. If he refuses to check his attitude or adds hitting/pushing in the mix then he probably would get a time-out.

Mrs_Shmoopie · October 2011

My.ABC.Life:

When that happens with DS, especially if he's playing with DH and doesn't want me in the room - we both tell DS that that is not a nice way to talk to Mommy and that we can't play with him unless he talks/plays nice. We usually ask or wait for an appology before we continue playing.

Yeah, also this. DH is NOT okay with someone speaking to his wife unkindly. And vice versa. When I'm just home from work and tired then I may ignore a rude comment/tone and that's when DH steps in to let J know that I am his mother and he may not speak to me like that. And, again, vice versa. I think it's important for J to see that DH and I treat each other with respect and expect others (even our 4 year-old) to do the same. Again, it's a total work in progress for all of us.

My.ABC.Life · October 2011

Mrs_Shmoopie:

When J speaks to me like that I'll usually say, "Excuse me?" in that kind of I'm-Giving-You-A-Chance-to-Rethink-Things way. Then I'll say, "It is not okay to speak to me like that. If you (fill in the blanks: Want to be left alone, are playing w/daddy, etc) then you can tell me that in a nice way because you may NOT speak to mommy/daddy like that." And I'll try to give him suggestions on what is okay to say, "I want to be left alone right now, Mommy," or whatever.

Yes, there are times when I'll give him a pass but, for the most part, I'm not okay with being spoken to like that -by anyone, especially my child. If J is very sick or it has been a once-in-a-blue-moon particularly tough day then I may let it go. But just normal nighttime grumpiness? Not okay. I get tired and grouchy at work all the time but I don't speak to my co-workers like that. And I try not to speak to my friends (or spouse) like that either. If I slip then I apologize. I expect the same from J. It's... a work in progress. But, for us, I give him a chance to correct the behavior -we don't do time-outs for that usually. If he refuses to check his attitude or adds hitting/pushing in the mix then he probably would get a time-out.

Ditto Sol. Its important to me for DS to know he can say "no" to something... but it has to be in a nice way. Since DS is only 2.5 and can't talk/understand a lot of other options, we just use "No thank you" - a lot.

jsugrin · October 2011

At that age I did a lot of modeling, so I'd tell the boys " it's ok if you want some privacy/ to be alone in your room/ sit by yourself but it's not nice to talk to mama like that so if you want X then you need to say " mama can I have some privacy please/ I want to sit by myself / I'd like to play with daddy right now". Andrew was really delayed in speech so prior to about 2.5 with him I'd just model it and get him to acknowledge me (he'd often give me a hug) and then I'd give him the space. Cooper was very verbally advanced so I was able to have him practice the words more. Now both of my kids are pretty good about nicely saying hey bug off Big Smile .

KellyMRocks · October 2011

Mrs_Shmoopie:
When J speaks to me like that I'll usually say, "Excuse me?" in that kind of I'm-Giving-You-A-Chance-to-Rethink-Things way. Then I'll say, "It is not okay to speak to me like that. If you (fill in the blanks: Want to be left alone, are playing w/daddy, etc) then you can tell me that in a nice way because you may NOT speak to mommy/daddy like that." And I'll try to give him suggestions on what is okay to say, "I want to be left alone right now, Mommy," or whatever.

Yes, there are times when I'll give him a pass but, for the most part, I'm not okay with being spoken to like that -by anyone, especially my child. If J is very sick or it has been a once-in-a-blue-moon particularly tough day then I may let it go. But just normal nighttime grumpiness? Not okay. I get tired and grouchy at work all the time but I don't speak to my co-workers like that. And I try not to speak to my friends (or spouse) like that either. If I slip then I apologize. I expect the same from J. It's... a work in progress. But, for us, I give him a chance to correct the behavior -we don't do time-outs for that usually. If he refuses to check his attitude or adds hitting/pushing in the mix then he probably would get a time-out.

This. And if he doesn't straighten up and is being a total A-hole, I ask him to go to his room for a bit. I don't call it time out, even though that is what it is. I just say that he can't be in the general population if he is going to be a ***. (not in those terms though).

Then I chiggity check myself, because he could quite possibly be learning his a**hole behaviour from me. "From YOU mom, I learned it from watching you!"

My.ABC.Life · October 2011

KellyMRocks:

Then I chiggity check myself, because he could quite possibly be learning his a**hole behaviour from me. "From YOU mom, I learned it from watching you!"

LOL! OMG, did he tell you that? Sh*t I'm in trouble when my kid starts talking more - he's going to rat me out!

Mrs.K&C · October 2011

KellyMRocks:
Then I chiggity check myself, because he could quite possibly be learning his a**hole behaviour from me. "From YOU mom, I learned it from watching you!"

LMAO!! Totally forgot about that one.

Seriously DD needs to be puking in front of me for me to dismiss her crappy behavior. She doesn't get a pass. A pass means it's okay in her little head.

futrkingsley · October 2011

Mrs.K&C:
KellyMRocks:

Then I chiggity check myself, because he could quite possibly be learning his a**hole behaviour from me. "From YOU mom, I learned it from watching you!"

LMAO!! Totally forgot about that one.

Seriously DD needs to be puking in front of me for me to dismiss her crappy behavior. She doesn't get a pass. A pass means it's okay in her little head.

Thanks for the laughs today ladies. Like Katie, DS needs to be seriously something for me to give him a pass on being a jerk. I do not tolerate people treating me or others that way and I refuse to just sit there and watch him do it. No way no how. So I've explained a zillion times that if you want something, it's perfectly fine to ask for it in a nice way, but our family is not rude to other people. At least not before we try to kill them with kindness. You want the couch? Fine, ask for it. But do not throw my clean laundry on the floor to make your point bucko! Sadly, DH takes more of DS' b.s. than I do, so I'm the enforcer.

KellyMRocks · October 2011

My.ABC.Life:
KellyMRocks:

Then I chiggity check myself, because he could quite possibly be learning his a**hole behaviour from me. "From YOU mom, I learned it from watching you!"

LOL! OMG, did he tell you that? Sh*t I'm in trouble when my kid starts talking more - he's going to rat me out!

LOL, no. I was quoting that old commercial about drug abuse.

I don't treat people unkindly, but I am full of sarcasm and I think that to a small child, they don't get it...it can sound rude. Nawmean?

KellyMRocks · October 2011

My.ABC.Life:
KellyMRocks:

Then I chiggity check myself, because he could quite possibly be learning his a**hole behaviour from me. "From YOU mom, I learned it from watching you!"

LOL! OMG, did he tell you that? Sh*t I'm in trouble when my kid starts talking more - he's going to rat me out!

LOL, no. I was quoting that old commercial about drug abuse.

I don't treat people unkindly, but I am full of sarcasm and I think that to a small child, they don't get it...it can sound rude. yafeelme?

amyfelice · October 2011

thanks guys. we do pretty much the same. I was just wondering if I was being forceful enough, or too forceful or what. E is very verbally advanced so I tell her " don't yell at me, just say please don't kiss me right now, mommy" and she does repeat it, so I am doing that. And DH also is very good about telling her to be nice to mommy but I want her to understand you don't want to talk to anyone like that, not just for mommy, but whatev. He ignores it when it is directed to him, not to me. SOrry if that was unclear. Thanks so much.

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