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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Switzerland
member
What to do when kid is frustrated at "NO"
Switzerland
member
I am at a complete loss on how to handle the below situation that has repeated itself multiply times the last week in our house...
DD is told "NO" for something, whether it be a cookie, watch a video, etc and she then proceeds to slam doors, knock over chairs, throw her toys, etc...all doing this while trying to get my attention by constantly looking over at me.
I have been ignoring this behavior but sometimes these moments go on for 10+ minutes. I don't know what to even call the above -- is it really a temper tantrum if she is not screaming and crying on the floor?
We have a new baby due in 6 weeks and I cannot have DD throwing toys, etc. She is just really trying to express her anger and even though I say "Mommy understands you are angry but we still cannot watch a video, etc" she will continue to defy me with her toy throwing or try and scratch me, hit me, etc.
Advice please!?!?!?
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Re: What to do when kid is frustrated at "NO"
I'm the yes-mom. I reserve no for safety and mean hands. At that age, my first definitely seemed to try to get me to say no so she could explode. I am a big fan of "Absolutely! Video time is after dinner! What will you watch when it's video time?" "Yes! I was just thinking you should have a cookie and a sandwich! What do you want to drink with your sandwich?" "you know what? Sure, we can watch more video before bed, we have 10 minutes. Do you want the beginning middle or end?"
Obviously at times there will be backfiring- tantrum b/c it's not on their terms, but for all of my kids, once they learn they can "win" they really don't fight my terms anymore. If they scream when I say beginning middle/end, then I cheerfully say "You got it!" Turn off the tv and scoop them up and head up to start bedtime routine. Ignoring may treat the tantrum (I'm a HUGE fan of ignoring) but there's a developmental and important reason it's happening, so giving LO an opportunity mitigate her own tantrums is important, in my opinion. Good luck, hope movie night is fun- LOL!
Happiest Toddler on the Block might help. It frames the issue before No is ever uttered so she understands that you understand what she is asking for. Also consider a "no but" response. After emphasizing her request so she knows you get it, say for a cookie, you can say "oh, but we can't have a cookie right now because we are going to have dinner. But do you know what you CAN have? It's pretty cool. You CAN have ONE strawberry to tide you over. Would you like to help me pick one out for you?" So couple it with an alternative and distraction.
Worst case scenario, DS throws toys, the TOYS go in timeout because he can't treat his toys nicely so they need to be in a safe place. Yes, he freaks out but a few times of that and I've had less issues. I've also done the "oh, I see you need some time alone where you can be angry in a safe place and not hurt anyone else. Let's go to your room so you can be angry there."
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO