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NBR: I put my foot down! (+ long mother vent)

smismarsmismar
in 2nd Trimester

A few years ago, my parents decided they'd had enough of midwestern winters and picked up and moved to Phoenix - 2000 miles away.  Since then, my mother has proceeded to give me and my sister guilt trips that she doesn't get to see us enough.  She's a pro at this - she has a real martyr complex that irritates me to no end (my sister and I have a pact that if either of us ever start to act like her, the other will promptly smack the offender).

So, she's been sending passive aggressive emails to us about "great deals" on airfare (in a normal family this wouldn't be an issue - here not so much).  She fully expects that me, my dh, my sister, BIL, and nephew (and this baby eventually) will all take off work /use vacation, pack up, board our pets, and fly several hours to visit them at least twice a year.  It would be so much easier for her and my dad to fly than for the 5 (STB 6) of us, but no.

So, I just sent her an email telling her we will not be traveling for Christmas.  We just can't afford it with just buying a house and my dh can't get the time off work.  If they would like to visit us, they're welcome, but we aren't going anywhere.  I'll be spending my break settling into the new house and starting to get the nursery ready.  I've got plenty to keep my occupied without taking off across country for a week+ to go stircrazy twiddling my thumbs sitting at their house with nothing productive to do.  I'm proud of myself.  It's hard for me to say no to her because I know what kind of drama will follow (I guarantee that I'll get an argument and be told I'm being selfish).

OK, I'm done now.
 

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Re: NBR: I put my foot down! (+ long mother vent)

  • DNK777DNK777 member
    Okay maybe this makes me a bad person, but they are the ones who moved away.  I wouldn't fly that far especially once the baby comes.  I wouldn't want to travel with an infant.
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  • smismarsmismar

    imageDNK777:
    Okay maybe this makes me a bad person, but they are the ones who moved away.  I wouldn't fly that far especially once the baby comes.  I wouldn't want to travel with an infant.

     That's exactly how we feel.  I've had to remind her a few times when she's been guilt-tripping me that SHE moved.  They used to see us at least once or twice a month.
     

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  • DNK777DNK777 member
    I would put my foot down now.  I wouldn't want to be away for Christmas morning when our child gets a little older.  I want Christmas morning to be spent just the three of us (or more if we have more kids obviously).
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  • jen_and_scottjen_and_scott member

    Not that this is the same at all, but my parents are taking my sister to NYC for Christmas break as her high school graduation gift and wanted DH and me to join them. At our own expense.

    We just moved here a year ago, bought a house in May, and we're expecting in March. They tried to entice us by saying that they'd buy us a couple of show tickets while we were there. Um, yeah, that makes up for us paying for our flights, hotel stay, and all food while there.

    We just told them, thanks but no thanks! So we're hosting DH's family at our house for Christmas! I'm kind of looking forward to it, but I know when it gets here I'll get stressed out!

     I hope that you have a great Christmas break, with or without them!

    Charlotte Elizabeth - March 15, 2009
    Natalie Kate - October 4, 2011
    Blighted ovum, d&c at 9w, July 2012
    Blighted ovum, d&c at 10w, September 2013
    BFP May 28, EDD February 4, 2015
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  • LuLu38LuLu38
    I feel your pain.  This topic can just send me over the edge.  I have always wondered why the expectation is always that everyone has to pack up and visit the parents.  My FIL recently had a meltdown because they are actually travelling to all of us for the Thanksgiving.  All kids and grandchildren live in Atlanta, so doesn't it make sense?  Does to me!  Well, he says, "and we are not doing this again!  It is a real hassle traveling during the holidays!"  Ya think?  Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your family.  If your mom needs to complain, I am happy to give her my mom's phone number.  They will love each other. 
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  • angi1015angi1015

    I agree with PP, they are the ones who moved away.

    Good for you for standing you ground.

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  • Nae2870Nae2870
    Are they related to my sisters in-laws. They expect all 4 children and famililies to fly to their home for Christmas and get rental cars from the airport. When there are only 2 of them and because of his job - he has frequent flyer miles out the wazoo, so they would fly for free. AND there would be no need for a rental car. My sister told her she was crazy.
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  • JenniferJLynneJenniferJLynne member
    Ugh, this sounds like my in-laws. They moved 3 hrs. away before I met DH and they constantly give him guilt trips like, "when are we going to see you?" I guess they just sit around waiting for us to invite ourselves over. When we do go there all we do is sit around and do nothing b/c FIL is a total hermit.
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  • MOHNikkiMOHNikki

    Good for you for putting your foot down.

    I'm getting the same thing from my mom right now. She moved from MI, where we live to NC in June. She is giving me a guilt trip that we wont come down for Christmas. No, not happening. 1 - She moved - I didn't! 2 - When I moved out of state for 3 years not once did she even attempt to come visit me but I came home twice a year ( A little bitter, who me?) and 3 - Christmas is one of the busiest times of the year for me at work, I can't take the time off. Ugh!

    But be frim - Stand your gound!

    image image
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