So I just found out that yesterday my boyfriend's mom posted my 20 week ultrasound on Facebook without consulting me. This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I haven't posted anything on FB myself about the pregnancy and specifically did not plan to post any ultrasound pictures or anything like that, to me that's a very personal thing and I didn't want to share that with everyone I know on Facebook. She didn't tag me but we a few mutual friends on FB and my name was on the ultrasound.
Am I overreacting? Can I ask her to take it down? Just trying to wrap my head around this whole situation--feedback much appreciated!
Re: Meddling Mother-in-law
How did she get a copy of your ultrasound? I think it's perfectly fine to explain your reasoning and ask that she take it down.
You should assume (until you know otherwise) that she is just excited and this wasn't something malicious.
I can understand her posting it because she's excited about it. She probably didn't even think about the fact that you might not want the picture on facebook.
I think it's fine to ask her to take it down. Just explain to her that it's not something you really want posted on facebook. Good luck!
Thanks all for your feedback. I actually gave her the picture (we decided to give a copy to each of our parents). The reason I was so torn was that I know she just did it out of excitement (it's her first grandchild), but this being my first pregnancy things like my ultrasound photo seem very personal to me.
Also, this isn't the first time I've dealt with a situation like this, maybe that's why I'm so sensitive this time. 5 days after we told her I was pregnant she put FB that "her son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby", so still no names but I didn't feel like that was her news to share so early on (I was only about 6 weeks at the time).
Anyway, I really appreciate all the feedback!
Excited- I think that's something I don't want to hear but maybe need to hear, I am extremely fortunate that I have family surrounding me that's so excited about this baby.
I ultimately just decided to tag myself in the pic so I wouldn't have to consistently check back on FB wondering when someone else was going to let the cat out of the bag. I think from now on I'll just be a little more cautious about what I give out and make sure that what I want (and don't want) is communicated clearly from the beginning.
Thanks all!
Ditto the bolded part. I think it is kind of a tall order to ask a grandparents to keep the news that they're about to have a grandchild a secret for this long!! Be happy that she's excited!! Some women have parents/grandparents who are not....
Other posters have mentioned this, but have you asked her not to post anything on FB? If not, she probably didn't even think of it. You can't assume that just because you haven't posted anything that she has noticed and understands it to mean she should post anything. You really need to address that with her first. I know I have told all my family and friends that until they see me say something, I don't want anything on FB. Once I post, they have the green light to go nuts. My reasons are mixed: I am not telling work yet and I am super-cautious being high-risk, so I don't want to put too much out there yet.
Now, as for the u/s pic, please check and make sure your SSN is not on the pic! A friend accidentally posted hers.
FACEBOOK FEB 12 BUMPIES ADMIN - POST & PM ME TO JOIN
I'm glad you are ok with how things turned out. I'm sure your MIL was just really excited! We specifically asked those who know to NOT post anything on FB. We still have a lot of close friends who do not know yet and I would rather tell them in person. I actually completely locked down my FB page so only I can post on it. All tags have to be approved by me. This way there is less chance of something getting out before we are ready.
BFP #2 7/18/11 - EDD 3/29/12 - Born 3/13/12
BFP #1 4/4/11 - Natural M/C - 7w1d - 4/30/11
Geez, by your title, I expected a meddling MIL. This is not meddling. At all.
Kindly and politely ask her to take it down.
She didn't post it out of malice... she's just excited. Give her a break and be glad that your child has a grandma who is excited.
Really? You can't politely talk to your MIL about something like this? Your DH has to DEMAND that she take it down?
You're gonna be one of those chicks who freaks the crap out if an 80 year old lady touches your child's foot in the grocery store, aren't you?
You sound like a very gracious and kind person to be around(sarc).
"unfriend" her on FB. that should get your point across.
in all seriousness sounds like she just didn't think. like my MIL didn't think to even ask me if she could take a 3 month old DD 2.5 hrs away one day while i was at work so she could show her off to her friends (we had a long talk about boundaries after that).
got to set those lines now. it will only get worse.
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Make your wishes known. I've laid down the law to my Mom and MIL. DH and I do not want U/S pics on FB. My sister took a pic of our U/S and texted to my Mom (mom was OOT and hadn't seen the pic yet). I made it clear that the text was to go no further and if it did I wouldn't so them future pics. It's your body and your baby. Don't give her copies or limit her access to what U/S pics she can see. You have every right to tell her to take it down.
I would let her know that you appreciate how excited she is but ask her to take it down. I am not on Facebook but my mother and mother-in-law are. I specifically told them that I want no information about the baby on Facebook.
I am sure she was thinking, "It's my grandchild!" But I would probably be thinking, "Hey! That's my uterus!"
It doesn't matter if somebody is in the window for everyone to know - it's the OPs pregnancy, it's up to her to decide how and when to share the news and the people she wants to share it with. Yes, grandma is probably excited and wasn't thinking but it is very much stepping over the line. Pictures on facebook are owned by facebook the second you put them up (terms of service). I'm sure she doesn't know all her bf's mother's facebook friends. She has no clue as to what privacy settings her bf's mother uses. This is also technically a picture of HER uterus, not just her bf's mother's grandchild. It's completely inappropriate to post something so personal without permission or the ability to control who else can access it. Not everyone posts their US pics on the internet, so why should a relative do it if OP didn't plan on it. I've seen many idiots post them without even black-out the medical information on the top complete with the hospital they go to for care, their name and MR# and EDD. That's just stupid to have that posted all over the place.
I feel very strongly about relatives posting any pics of my child on fb without permission - you can't control other's privacy settings and who will see pics of your kid. Once they are out there, per FB terms and conditions, FB owns the pic rights while they are on there. I'm not comfortable with it. I had this happen early on, set boundaries in a nice way (because I understood my ILs were just excited) by explaining my reasons for not wanting family members to post whatever they want whenever they want when it comes to my child. They respect it. OP - have a nice chat with her if it bothers you - I'm sure she didn't think about it but you can save yourself from future irritations by having a discussion about this now.
Also - sorry - but this is just common sense. Do people HAVE to tell everyone they know not to do something that is just common sense? You get permission to do something beforehand, you don't just assume it's OK first. Would you invite a friend to a party only you, yourself, have been invited to, without clearing it with the host first, or would you say "well the host didn't tell me I couldn't bring whoever I wanted" - that logic from a decency and etiquette perspective makes no sense. Ultrasound pictures are personal and private - it is good judgment and simple common sense that they should be kept private unless you have permission. OP - please tell me she at least blacked-out any of your personal information!