Find out someone is pregnant though a shower invite?

Mel713 · September 2011

I'm getting my list together for my shower invites and I realized that there are friends on there that I haven't told I'm pregnant yet. I had planned on telling them over the summer at various gtg but it never happened. These aren't friends that I would have called to tell or anything but I see them a few times a year at different events. I know they would want to come to the shower or at least be invited but I feel bad that they weren't told before now. I don't see the point in calling/texting them now when they will be getting an invite to my shower in the next few weeks. Would you feel bad if you weren't told before getting a invite or would it not matter? I don't know if I'm being silly thinking that it will be a big deal or not.

Sept1799 · September 2011

I don't think I would want to go to a shower if that is how I found out someone was pg. Sorry to burst your bubble.

I would think you just want a gift out of me becuase you never bothered to tell me over the phone or in person you were expecting.

Sorry

Ivana_Stolichnaya · September 2011

Personally....if I were to receive a shower invite by my friend and I wasn't told ahead of time I would sort of start to wonder why she never told me. I wouldn't be mad or anything like that, I would just sort of wonder about the closeness of our friendship. I would hope that she would contact me soon to talk and say hello before the shower. Let's just say that going to the shower wouldn't be a top priority from me if she never said anything at all.

mben1119 · September 2011

AshPal61:

And I have to admit, I'd probably think to myself "they didn't tell me until they wanted gifts?"

This is exactly how I would feel. You need to either let these people know now, then send the invite, or not invite them.

jmgcoggins · September 2011

Lurking here.

That makes it seem like you just invited them for gifts. If they weren't special enough to be told beforehand, why would you invite them to a shower?

To me, it's rude.

ETA: Also, if you have enough time to write out the addresses and think about them, you at least have enough time to give them enough respect to call or text them about it.

LilyPotter218 · September 2011

I won't be inviting anyone to a shower that did not find out about my pregnancy from me directly or from my mom or MIL.

KRISTA555 · September 2011

If you aren't close enough with someone to tell them before now, then don't expect them to bring you gifts at your shower.

Maybe it's just me, but I only wanted people I am close with at my shower. Inviting people you never talk to, just seems gift-grabby and insincere to me.

Mel713 · September 2011

To be honest I never thought too much about when I told every one. I thought over the summer I would have a chance to tell them and I really wanted to tell them in person but it just never happened. Were not close friends but more like friends that we see each other at party's and other social events. I never realized how fast the summer went by and now it's like oh crap. I feel bad because I didn't tell them and I will feel bad if I don't invite them. Would it be ok to tell them and then still invite them. I'm not just inviting them for gifts but more just to get to together and hang out. I don't know if it's too late to not have hurt feelings.

emcguinn · September 2011

I would tell them before they get the invite.

Aneely1 · September 2011

While I understand your concerns about someone finding out about you being pregnant via a shower invite you have to consider which is worse. Do you think that they would be upset if you didn't invite them period? Maybe consider including a little note expressing your apology for not letting you know sooner, than you do not need a gift, but that you would enjoy their presence at your party? If a friend is truly a friend, they would understand.

jf198400 · September 2011

If you haven't even bothered to tell these people that you're pregnant, you are obviously not close enough friends to invite them to your shower.

mben1119 · September 2011

Mel713:
I'm not just inviting them for gifts but more just to get to together and hang out. I don't know if it's too late to not have hurt feelings.

Showers are gift-giving events, though. If you want to hang out with these people, call them and do it. Don't invite them to a shower, when you haven't even bothered to tell them you're pregnant. You sound so gift-grabby.

chigirlinaz · September 2011

jf198400:
If you haven't even bothered to tell these people that you're pregnant, you are obviously not close enough friends to invite them to your shower.

Ditto this. You've had months to tell them and didn't. That looks gift grabby.

Jen0204 · September 2011

It's not too late to tell them. Just call them to catch up and tell them that you had wanted to tell them in person but the summer just flew by. I agree with everyone else, though - you can't have people finding out that you're pregnant from a shower invite. That looks really bad.

steph2809 · September 2011

I would not take it personally if I was not told before getting the invite. I was invited to a shower without knowing before had that she was pregnant. I how did not attend but I did not attend because the invite was sent to my dad's house and I did not get it till after the shower. And if they don't feel comfortable with coming they don't have to come. Hope that was a little helpful.

lbwsimpson · September 2011

AshPal61:

And I have to admit, I'd probably think to myself "they didn't tell me until they wanted gifts?"

THIS. Seriously, I'd throw that sh*t in the garbage if you only bothered to tell me when you wanted me to get you something. Rude.

karaknr · September 2011

I had distant family that no one ever sees until a shower (for some reason they like going to showers?). I dont talk to them often so Im sure some of them found out I was KU through the invite. Obviously they werent offended because they came and brought some pretty awesome stuff. However they are 80 year old great aunts, not my girlfriend from high school who I talk to often. I guess it depends on who it is.

lp81502 · September 2011

karaknr:
I had distant family that no one ever sees until a shower (for some reason they like going to showers?). I dont talk to them often so Im sure some of them found out I was KU through the invite. Obviously they werent offended because they came and brought some pretty awesome stuff. However they are 80 year old great aunts, not my girlfriend from high school who I talk to often. I guess it depends on who it is.

This. Its one thing if its a friend but I think a distant cousin or great aunt would let it slide. My husband has a huge family and I don't speak to many of them on a regular basis, but they would actually be offended if they weren't invited to the shower, regardless of whether or not they knew I was pg beforehand.

Kriz_b · September 2011

You need to tell them asap. I would be upset getting an invite to a 'friends' baby shower and not even knowing they were pregnant.

salt78 · September 2011

Mel713:
Would you feel bad if you weren't told before getting a invite or would it not matter?

I would side-eye it, yes. You didn't care enough about me to give me a call and tell me what is going on, but you want me to buy you a present?

ETA: By the way I'm sure you aren't a jerk and have a reasonable excuse, but I'm just giving an example of how it could be misconstrued.

gerberva11837 · September 2011

Funny you said something. I've been really bad with making the effort to tell everyone on the planet about my pregnancy, so there are still some people that I'd want at my shower that don't know. I think I'm also one of the few people who hasn't posted an announcement or pic yet on Facebook. I plan on doing this after my next appointment next Tuesday though. Facebook is how I found out about my college room mate being pregnant and she invited me to the shower later. I wasn't put out about not getting a personal call or text. I think Facebook suffices for people no barely talk to but would want at your shower. Just my opinion though.

lalyssalou · September 2011

You should probably weigh out the levels of rudeness: Will your friends be more upset that they weren't invited at all? Or more upset that finding out was last minute?

sanriobaby · September 2011

jf198400:
If you haven't even bothered to tell these people that you're pregnant, you are obviously not close enough friends to invite them to your shower.

AGREED!!! Honestly, inviting them w/o telling them you're pregnant beforehand just looks very gift grabby and that's a bad look all around.

gekeler6 · September 2011

In my opinion, I would only invite people to a special event like a baby shower if they are close to me. My reason for this is, if they are in my life, they will be a part of the babies life. If I only see people a couple times a year, I wouldn't even put them on the list. I'm only invited family and close friends to our shower because these people are wanting to get the baby something or our family something. I would never invite people to my baby shower expecting gifts, I am doing a shower for the fun and celebration, but I really would appreciate anything anyone would get.

mandarod · September 2011

I'm going to echo what most have already said. If it were me, I would not invite these people because it doesn't seem like you are very close to them. Even a text saying "I'm pregnant" and then getting a shower invite a few weeks later seems kind of rude and gift grabby, imo.

Alliebooberz · September 2011

I wouldn't go to a shower if that is how I found out someone was pregnant. But maybe that's just me.

dojo1 · September 2011

Send a quick facebook message or text. If they're not close enough that you have those avenues for connection, they're probably not close enough to come to your shower.

xoladiebug · September 2011

Mel713:
To be honest I never thought too much about when I told every one. I thought over the summer I would have a chance to tell them and I really wanted to tell them in person but it just never happened. Were not close friends but more like friends that we see each other at party's and other social events. I never realized how fast the summer went by and now it's like oh crap. I feel bad because I didn't tell them and I will feel bad if I don't invite them. Would it be ok to tell them and then still invite them. I'm not just inviting them for gifts but more just to get to together and hang out. I don't know if it's too late to not have hurt feelings.

Just explain to them what you wrote above...that you were hoping to tell them the next time you saw them, but that opportunity never came up so you wanted to let them know now. If you were super duper tired during your first trimester maybe joke that you slept away the first 3 months of your pregnancy and that's why they haven't see you around much.

Either way, you should let them know prior to sending an invite. It's up to them to decide if they want to come right?!

MamaValley · September 2011

You poor thing - I'm sitting here laughing at all of the rude, judgy responses that you're getting from people on here. Life is busy, you're pregnant and probably a bit overwhelmed and you forgot to make a few phone calls... it's not the end of the world! I would just put in a quick call to each of them and apologize, blame pregnancy brain. Tell them their shower invite is in the mail and you would love if they can come celebrate with you. True friends (even those acquaintances you only see a few times a year) will be thrilled for you!! Big Smile

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