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DS may have just self-weaned & is upset: WWYD?

CD+ALCD+AL member
in Attachment Parenting

So, it's time...He's 3.5yrs old.  I've been sort of ready for it for awhile.  He's been down to once/day (bedtime) for a long, long time. 

I never set out to BF him this long (goal when he was born was only 12mos), but I always thought that we'd have "one last session" or that b/c he's so old it would be something we'd talk about together as he decided that he was done.  The only reason I haven't pushed him more forcefully to wean before now is because he's been so emotionally attached to BFing and that relationship between the two of us.  It's been an important part of his bond with me and his time to unwind from the day.

Well, tonight he suddenly couldn't remember how to latch.  (Is that normal?)  It was more like he was trying to suck from a straw, which BTW is NOT comfortable at all, than a true latch.  Last night started out that way, and when I reminded him that he needed to do it right, he did.  Tonight though he just couldn't figure it out.  Finally, I told him that we'd try just having extra snuggles instead and that maybe it's just because he's getting to be such a big boy that doesn't need Momma Milk any more.

After a few minutes and some genuinely sad tears of grief (you'd have thought he was at a funeral for a loved one), he accepted the snuggles and eventually went to sleep.  Right before he fell asleep, he asked if it would be ok if he tried again tomorrow, and I told him that it would be fine if he wanted to try again then.

It just kind of broke my heart for him.  You could tell that he wasn't really mentally prepared for it to be over, and honestly, neither was I.  I guess I just thought we'd have an official "one last time" or a conversation of some sort that led to him choosing to be done.  I was hoping that it would be soon, but this just isn't what I wanted for him.  It makes me feel so bad.

Part of the reason that I continued for so long...through a pg, while nursing a newborn, etc., is that I didn't want to end it with him in tears.  It's been such a good thing for both of us.  As long as he wasn't wanting me to go off to college with him to nurse him, I wanted to let it be his own decision.  Now I feel like that isn't how it's happening even if the end result is a good thing at this point.

So assuming that we're done, is there anything that you can think of to help him with this transition given that he doesn't really want to be done?  Is there a new bonding ritual I can replace it with aside from just snuggles?  A token comfort gift? I dunno...I just felt so bad watching those huge tears slide down his cheeks tonight, and I couldn't do anything about it. 

 
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Re: DS may have just self-weaned & is upset: WWYD?

  • CD+ALCD+AL member
    Wow!  That was really long!  Thanks for reading it if you made it all the way through.
     
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  • C-CharmC-Charm
    Perhaps if he nursed so infrequently that he forgot how to latch, then he really was ready to be done on some level.  Maybe you can do something special to mark the transition--some kind of "big boy" ceremony or "bye bye nursies" ceremony.  It will be a more joyful way to mark the end of nursing.  It does seem really sad for him to just realize that he simply does not how to any more.

     I've read from several moms that they also thought there'd be a memorable "last time," but that they didn't realize when that "last time" was because the whole weaning process was so gradual.  It sounds like a very gentle way for weaning to happen.
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  • JCapp8306JCapp8306
    I don't really have advice at all... just wanted to say I really hope that's how easy and beautiful DD will wean when the time comes.
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  • Dreamsicle23Dreamsicle23 member
    I haven't experienced this first hand, but I have read that at some point many toddlers do forget how to latch when they get "too old" to nurse...like nature's way of ensuring that they don't, in fact, go to college nursing.
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  • m_and_mm_and_m

    That's more or less how it happened with DD, but hers took longer and no tears. Her latch started really deteriorating around 2.5 and like you said, it was very uncomfortable. I started encouraging her to wean (with distraction, offering other things first) at that time and over the next 6 mos she slowly started nursing less. Her latch was so poor that my supply eventually dried up and she couldn't get anything out anyway, so she decided to stop the week after she turned 3. She asked to try a few times after that and I let her, but she still couldn't latch so she eventually stopped asking. She talks about it now sometimes ad says she misses it but she's "really glad [her] mommy made [her] milk so [she] could nursey and get big and strong!"

    Sometimes she asks to "pretend nursey", which is where she crawls into my lap in her old nursing position, smooshes her face into my boob, and looks up at me with her big happy eyes. It lasts for about a minute then she says "I'm full, all done! That was yummy, thanks Mommy!" Cracks my DH up.

    Mostly we just snuggle a lot to replace nursing, and she's okay with that.

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  • rmwt001rmwt001 member
    Dont have any advice since DD is only 8 months old, but just wanted to say I thought the way you handled it was beautiful.  I hope that it goes as well for us when she is ready to wean.  
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  • pixieprincsspixieprincss member
    No advice, but I did want to say that this post is so, so sweet. I love your heart for your little guy.

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