Bitter Infertile Vent

MAbride0808 · September 2011

I have been sick the last few days and have been a little down about this cycle not working and my birthday coming up next week. I know I will only be 28, but I thought I would have at least one by now and I always said I would be done with 2 by 30.

This morning a friend that a met through a TTC support board texted me she has got her BFP. I am very happy for her, but I couldn't help but break down in tears. She was recently diagnosed with PCOS and has been trying only a year. We have been trying almost 2 with "nothing wrong" (though I am seriously thinking something it) with only three chances left.

eponine7682 · September 2011

Sad I'm sorry you are feeling down MA. It sucks how so many plans change because of IF. I too thought that we would have one by now and then wanted to try for number two when we are 30. Well, we will be 30 next summer, so that isn't going to happen. All we can do is hope and pray.

And I would find it hard to hear about a bfp too. I would feel happy for them, but that green eyed monster always comes out no matter who is getting the bfp. It's just hard. I hope you get yours soon hun!

illinigal · September 2011

I'm sorry you are feeling down. Unfortunately, we all know how you feel, and many of us are older than you. Be happy for your friend because IF is a pain that no one would wish on anyone. Hang in there and I hope your time is coming soon.

mtlaurel · September 2011

I'm sorry you're feeling down. Hang in there!

cscronce · September 2011

MAbride,

I can relate to how you're feeling. There were three of us (friends) having difficulty getting pregnant. One of my friends got her BFP last month and is due in May. While, I was and am truly happy and excited for her, I naturally felt and feel a little jealous.I am often thinking, when will it be my turn. She truly deserves it, but I also feel so do I.

The good thing about the situation is that she is still .very supportive of me and the other friend. Before she got her BFP we talked about how normal it is to feel happy for someone who gets pregnant, but also feeling sad that it's not you. We agreed to be able to voice those feelings and neither would take any offense to it. We wanted to make sure it never becomes arkward.

So what I am saying is that what you are feeling is normal and I can definitely relate.

BareBethC · September 2011

I'm so sorry I know the feeling unfortunately, I always thought I would have two kids at this point. Life just doesn't always work out like you think it will I guess, which completely sucks and is not fair

I hope you have a good birthday next week!

madhatterxo · September 2011

I'm so sorry that you are feeling down. I know I've been there. Sometimes it's hard to be happy for others when they get something that you're working so hard for. Just remember that her story gives you hope because she is an IF sufferer as well. Yours will come one day too. It might take a little longer, but know in your heart that you will get your BFP one day too!

Side note: I've been ttc for just about 2 years as well and although I have a dx, no one knows why I'm actually not getting pregnant. I'm around the same age as you as well, so I can definitely relate to your pain and frustration. It sucks to say hang in there, but I guess that's the only thing we can do,right?

Mitzi Bishi · September 2011

Maybe part of it is your fear that things will be different now that she's going to be having a baby. It does change the dynamic.

I know how hard it is to have plans that simply don't work on the time line you hoped. It's incredibly difficult since everyone makes it out to be if you work hard enough for anything then it will work.

Try not to get overly bitter, which I know at times is way easier said than done. (I say this after reading about posters that "only" have thyroid problems or take Clomid and feel intensely envious as they whine about their issues.)

I've tried to distance myself even from the boards, because no one wants to hear from the person that says "try being at the end of your rope of chances and then whine to me about it". Hopefully it will work for you soon.

leolyns · September 2011

I'm 33 and I thought I would have at least two by now, maybe even 3. I've also found out that a few friends of the family are expecting this year or early next. It makes me bitter too and even though I'm happy for them, it hurts on the inside.

Misielara@aol.com · September 2011

MA~

I totally understand what you are going through. This has been one of the hardest week in a long long time for me. I think I have cried everyday this week. My husband and I will have been trying for 5 years in October. I have always thought I would have atleast 2 kids by the time I was 27 and I am now 31 and no kids. This week I got a call that my best friend is pregnant with her second child, my test came back the I have HPV cells, that my Natural Killer Cells and elevated so I will have to do an addtional step when goign through the IVF process and the IVF meds are going to cost us 4030.00 for one cycle. Oh and I have to make my full payment for the IVF cycle by Monday or I will not get to do the October IVF cycle that I have been wishing for.

I feel your pain my friend and I will keep my fingers crossed that you will be successful in TTC.

MrsOjoButtons · September 2011

I'm sorry you're down in the dumps. It can be so hard to not engage in a mental pissing match about who should have been first to have a baby. I have to stop myself when my mind starts to wander like that, so I know what you mean.

I hope she has a healthy, uneventful pregnancy.

MAbride0808 · September 2011

Thanks ladies! I just think this is a very hard time for me. I have so little faith in this cycle that I just want to get to the Beta on Monday and get it over with.

naybird · September 2011

Big hugs, Darlin.. Any pregnancy announcement is going to make you sad for yourself, no matter how happy you are for the woman. It's a natural reaction.

JenniferLuvsCandy · September 2011

Awww MABride. I was actually coming here to check on you. I have been thinking about you a ton. (((hugs)))

blueberries8 · September 2011

Feel better, MABride! I am really rooting for you that you get great news in a couple of days and I totally get you with the whole unexplained thing...it is such a mindfvck to have so many failed treatment cycles and know that something is clearly wrong, but not knowing what it is. Thinking of you.

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