3 year old and sports? Kinda long...

soontobeByrne · September 2011

Just curious how other parents would handle this situation cause I'm stuck...

We enrolled our son in fall soccer and he was SO excited! The first practice was awesome and he had so much fun...it was also just him, 2 of his friends and one other kid. At the next practice he didn't want to go out on the field. Nothing helped and he just wanted to sit back and pout. So, his first game came and he didn't want to get ready but I made light of it and said that he didn't have to play but we were going to get ready and go anyways. Then as we were walking to the car the game got cancelled. He was really upset that he couldn't go to the game...but I'm sure it was because I got him all excited. Yesterday was the next practice and once again he wanted NOTHING to do with it once we got out there. At home he was kicking his ball around and playing "red light, green light" with it...just having fun! But on the field he would just put his head down and cry...we even went out on the field with him hoping that would help. Its almost like he's intimidated by the other kids (which is odd for him) but he is also one of the youngest on the team.

So now I'm having a hard time figuring out the right thing to do. This is suppose to be fun so I don't want to push him...I know once he feels comfortable he'll have so much fun because he loves playing soccer at home and with his friends so I try to be very encouraging. Maybe its his age, maybe he feels intimidated by the new kids, maybe its not fun to him like I thought...I really don't know. But, I don't want him to just give up and I don't want him to think its okay to just give up...at the same time maybe he doesn't see it as giving up at this age and I shouldn't push through with this just yet. I don't expect him to do anything he doesn't want to do...I just want to encourage him. I woudn't be upset if he choose to go either way...I just think he needs to get comfortable first. My husband says...if he doesn't want to do it then don't make him. But like I said, I feel like this would be just giving up.

Ok...so now you can see where I'm having a hard time with this! LOL!! After all of that...if you are still reading...what would you do or how have you handled this situation? Thanks a bunch!

Brewtowngrl · September 2011

Some kids just are not ready. I paid for swim lessons. Last week he cried the whole time while I hid behind a pillar. I took him to the pool on Friday and he did all the stuff they did in class and even tried to swim on his own. One of his teachers was a life guard and we were the only ones in that pool so she encouraged him and got excited. This week he refused to even get in the car. I decided not to push it. We will try again in Spring.

DBride2006 · September 2011

I think I would at least keep getting him dressed and keep going for the rest of the season. If he refuses to go out on the field or cries, maybe he can just sit and watch and you can talk to him about it and encourage. Hopefully, one day he'll feel comfortable and want to go out and play.

I think it's fine to encourage your children to try things you are confident they will enjoy. Sometimes they need the little push. But I wouldn't make him stand on the field alone crying each week in an effort to make a point or anything.

But I also have a very cautious, tentative DS, so this scenario repeats itself all the time (every time we go in a bounce house, birthday parties, etc.)

2-Step · September 2011

Honestly I think 3 is a little too early to be trying to have your kids learn about the larger lessons in sports like not giving up. At that age I think it is all about learning through play and participating in things that enrich their lives. If he were more like 5 or 6 I might say that you should have him stick it out, but at 3 I just see no reason to put him through that stress for a sport he enjoys playing at home and on his own terms. I'd say you can still try to get him to suit up and cheer on the team, but I wouldn't pressure him to play if he doesn't want to. That could backfire and make him hate something he likes to do.

soontobeByrne · September 2011

Thanks for all of your advice ladies!! Sometimes just hearing what I already feel/think makes it easier to sort out in my head. LOL!!

ridesbuttons · September 2011

IMO, 3 is young for a team sport like that.

I wouldn't push it.

LoveEeyore · September 2011

I agree with 2-step. I think I wouldn't worry about the grand scheme of things.

I see your dilemma, because I know 3-3.5 was the moodiest/pissiest/most controlling time for us, so in that scenario I'd be torn about reinforcing the behavior; if you let him ditch soccer, will he start using that behavior to get out of preschool/dinner/bathing blahblah blah. THAT's what I'd be concerned about.

During that tumultuous time for DD, when she got a bug about something I focused on helping her communicate about whatever it was that was making her be a turd. I learned a lot about her- where I thought she was OCD and Tiedeman-stubborn (the German side of our family), she sometimes could be walked through communicating her concerns. More often it was a fear of loud sounds (I had no idea she had any sensitivity!) and I suspect your DS is like my DD- that the practice was fun because it was new. But in her head she envisioned going out there looking like a prima ballerina. But felt like a clumsy toddler in a pretty tutu and that just wasn't fun. I also suspect the game wasn't exactly like the first practice. At the practice, it was his team and the coach and the way it played out was exactly how he expected ever soccer day to be. But then it changed. And it wasn't under his control. That is the nature of the 3 yr old in my mind.

If it were my child, I would sit down talk it out. No judgment. No leading. No yes/no questions- make him formulate his own thoughts. Then take what you learned from the bits and pieces he could come up with. Repeat it back to him in a nonjudgmental and simple way. Ask if you are understanding him correctly. Then I would give him a choice. Continue soccer. Stop soccer. Support him either way. But I think dressing him and taking him to see if he will grace you with his participation is teaching him he can do what he wants when he wants it, and that his mood is the control mechanism.

I think a lot of it is the age and next year he may be a better judge of what he wants to do.

msmoon · September 2011

My situation right now exactly!!!!!!!!!! We enrolled Landon in Fall soccer! He was excited, we were excited, practices were fun (and funny Stick out tongue ) and we couldn't wait for the first game! Extended family was there, video camera was fired up, he was one of the first 3 up for the "first kick" and........ nothing. Stood there and began to cry. In the middle of the field. Tears. So he sat in my lap the entire game. We haven't had another game since because the last 2 teams didn't show up. We have another game Sat. so we will see. He has come out if his shell at the last few practices. I have no advice and wasn't sure how to handle the situation either. All I am thinking is how are we going to do this every week until November!?! I am with you in giving up. I totally think that at 3 they comprehend quitting. Hopefully after a few games he will be use to the people, sounds and everything that goes along with the game. Als a big thing I found out after talking with some of the other moms' was all the other kids on his team are almost four. Landon just turned 3 in June! Maybe 3 is young for the sport My mom said I should give him some candy before the game. (this coming from a lady who never allowed cokes or sweets in the house growing up) All I can say is I feel your pain and good luck!! If you get any good advice let me know!!

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