Slightly discouraged....(vent)
mdotm0904
member
I met with another lawyer today (I met with one while i was pregnant & absolutely loved her, but couldn't afford her). Anyway, he pretty much said we both have good cases because we're both fit parents & the law doesn't favor one gender of parent over another and that essentially X can be awarded joint custody of LO even though she's a newborn. And that SINCE she's a newborn, there's no established history/pattern of her living w/either parent. Ummmm she's been living with me since she was born dumbasss. Isn't that "history?" WTF?! It started to make me wonder though, is it true? Do I not have a case?
ETA: he also said i should probably file a counter complaint for custody. I didn't think I had to do this since I'm the only one on the birth certificate, isn't it already implied that I have custody until we get a court order saying otherwise (which is what X is doing by filing...trying to get an order. So why would I have to file too?)
A lot of ladies here seem to have their custody situations work out for them in their favor because the dad didn't fight them on it or they (dad) were unfit. But what about if the guy ISNT unfit and IS fighting you for custody?? Then what?
But I guess this is why they make more than one lawyer...I'm not satisfied with his answer. Especially since the other lawyer I talked to said that there's no way a judge would order 50/50 custody of a newborn! (It was a woman....wonder if that makes a difference on how each of them perceive the case.) So the search continues, It'd be a huge blessing if I could find someone who would do pro-bono work. I have zero funds & even payment plans are out of range. I don't even have money to put LO in daycare when I go back to work in 6wks. But I "make too much money" to qualify for government assistance.
Anyway, I still haven't been served. Still haven't heard a word from him at all & it's been exactly two weeks today since I came home from the hospital & he filed papers. It's so frustrating & discouraging, there's no reason that we have to "fight" over her! I was more than reasonable & rational with him, but because he can't have control and have things his way, he runs to the courts! (And it's definitely about control because even though i haven't been served i went to the courthouse...WHERE I WORK! and got a copy of the papers and he's asking for joint physical & legal, but he wants the tie-breaker.) He also wants both of us to pay medical expenses and both of us pay child support. Now i'm not opposed to joint legal (with NO TIE BREAKER, if he gets the tie breaker, he will bully me for the rest of my life, like he does w/his ex...he has the tie breaker w/her). And i'm not opposed to joint physical, WHEN LO GETS OLDER & can understand why she has two houses
It's just heartbreaking because he doesn't have Eden's best interests in mind. If he did, then he wouldn't have let something like her last name & not being on the birth certificate (something that can be ammended) stop him from seeing her (he's never even called her by her name, he always said "the child" when referencing her). I hate myself because I saw the signs of how he was with his ex & I chose to stay in the situation & carelessly got pregnant. Now i'm torn because I love my daughter & realize that she's a blessing but i'm also cursed to have to deal with him.
But Over 9 months of pregnancy. 22hours of labor. Major surgery that I had to be put to sleep for. Countless nights of mental/emotional/physical anguish....I REFUSE to give up that easily.
end vent...
Re: Slightly discouraged....(vent)
You sound like a petulant child instead of like a mother.
I always love how clients call attorneys a dumbassss when they don't like the legal advice they are given. Maybe he is a dumbasss. Or maybe he just didn't want to blow smoke up your still-tender nether regions.
"the other lawyer I talked to said that there's no way a judge would order 50/50 custody of a newborn! (It was a woman....wonder if that makes a difference on how each of them perceive the case.) "
My clients would like me more if I were less harsh/honest with them but it wouldn't make me a better lawyer. What matters is less about how they perceive the case than about how the judge perceives the case. Ask yourself whether the lawyer you saw today has experience, confidence, and knowledge. There are lots of great attorneys with poor social skills in client meetings, but will he argue for you and do a good job? Does he practice in this court often? Does he know how to do this kind of case?
Some thoughts on his advice:
Yes, parents have equal rights to their child. In practice, mothers are often preferred if they can provide for the child or if the child is breastfeeding, but this is NOT the legal standard.
It takes more than a few weeks home with an infant to show history, particularly since he had no choice in that matter since the two of you aren't married.
Yes, you should file a counter-complaint, so that the judge has before him/her not just the reasons he should have custody, but the reasons you should have custody. The purpose of the counter-complaint is to share your side of the story. Although you have custody for now, the counter-complaint would explain why you should continue to have custody despite the fact that father wants it - even though there isn't yet an order in place. Some attorneys may advise clients to hold off on this step, but if you know he is the father it would be best to do it now.
"I was more than reasonable & rational with him, but because he can't have control and have things his way, he runs to the courts! (And it's definitely about control because even though i haven't been served i went to the courthouse...WHERE I WORK! and got a copy of the papers and he's asking for joint physical & legal, but he wants the tie-breaker.)
So it is about control because he wants "the tiebreaker", and somehow wanting control is a bad thing, even though you want the same thing?
The court exists so that when people do not get what they feel they are due, they can resolve the matter without duels. You can call that control if you would like. He may be a control freak, but I can't say I blame him for seeking out an arrangement he wants. Why should you automatically get what you want if he is willing to step up to the plate and be a father?
It is clear that you feel you were reasonable and rational, but he has reason to feel that you weren't, particularly if you didn't allow him to put his name on the bc, he was willing to be there to do it, and despite the fact that you know he is the father. I can imagine being the other parent and finding that pretty offensive.
"Now i'm not opposed to joint legal"
Good, since this is the likely result.
"And i'm not opposed to joint physical, WHEN LO GETS OLDER & can understand why she has two houses."
He would be stupid to put off fighting for this. On the one hand, the judge isn't going to split a newborn's placement down the middle, but both parents need to set a track record of seeking physical custody so that it can't be used against them later that they didn't.
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