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baby4us12
member
So upset
baby4us12
member
My hubby usually calls me during his break. So today he called and I started talking about baby stuff and the tww, he asked me if I could lay off talking about ttc stuff because it seems to be consuming me and our life. I'm very hurt and upset. I tried to call my mom but she didn't answer so instead I've posted here and on my other board.This is a very emotional time in my life and now my husband basically is asking me to keep it to myself. I told him he doesn't have to worry about me sharing my feeling or anything else pregnancy related with him! This makes me question if he is even wanting to try. I'm beyond pissed at him, I'm thinking of going to a friend's so when he gets home I won't be there. Sorry I just had to vent to someone.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So upset
Sounds like a number of people here have something in common with your H...we're all tired of you
Ummm...Your being a little selfish and a tad bit dramatic...Don't his feelings matter too?
Make a pregnancy ticker
I know I don't know you or your husband... but just wanted to give you a little support and an outside perspective.
That stinks that you were looking for a little support from him and he wasn't able to give it. As far as him not wanting to try... is there any other evidence that this is the case? If not it may be that talking about it so much stresses him out or makes him feel pressured.
Before we started TTC my husband said he didn't want to talk about it too much or be overly scheduled about it. He didn't want to take the fun out of it at first and didn't want to feel pressured. (Now if we find it difficult to conceive, this will change).
Hope it gets better, and maybe you guys can have a conversation about why he doesn't want to talk about it. TTC brings up lots of emotions for everyone involved.
I have no idea who you are so I'm just going to address this post.
You are seriously overreacting. Your H just asked you if you could talk about something else and not TTC all the freaking time. I find myself doing the same thing sometimes and I can see it in my H's eyes when he is at full capacity. It can be an effort to change the subject because I'm so anxious/excited/worried/annoyed/whatever. But I make the effort. I suggest you do the same.
As for wanting to go to your friend's house tonight over this, are you effing serious? Sounds to me like YOU are the one that is acting immature, not your H. At least he told you how he was feeling.
Violet Mae born 1/15/13
I'm sure you'll get your BFP really, really soon, because the annoying ones always do.
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
I don't blame your husband you are a little crazy about all of this!
No joke. I'm just now catching up on today's posts and I've already seen more than enough of you. Take a deep breath and get over it. I don't know too many men who enjoy hearing all the details of TTC.
G born 10/25/12 | H born 3/25/14
TTC#3 since 7/2015
Early loss 12/2015 most likely due to low progesterone
Began medicated cycles (Femara/Ovidrel/Endometrin) with TI 1/2016
BFP 3/22, EDD 12/4/16 ~ It's a GIRL!
I'm sorry you're upset. I think any man would be stressed and burnt out if everything was about having a baby no matter how badly he wants to be a father. I think you should maybe keep the baby talk to a minimum.
Agreed. You do need to chill the fvck out.
IVF #1 with ICSI - ER 1/20 (16R, 12M, 10F), ET 1/23 (1-10 cell and 1-8cell transferred), BFP on 1/31 Beta #1 on 2/3 = 68, Beta #2 on 2/6 = 261 EDD 10/12/12
Is this wah wah, as in crying, or wah wah, as in Charlie Brown teacher voice? I think either would work in this case, but I'd like to clarify.
Cycle 9: BFP 5-3-12:EDD 1-24-13 It's a girl! Born 12-27-12
I agree w/ this completely. OP you sound really dramatic and annoying. I'm on team your husband w/ this.
Falling in Love! November 2014
Disclaimer: What I'm about to say is not meant to be snarky/mean. It's meant to be honest and helpful.
You are obviously very excited about this new chapter in your life. That's to be expected. We all get excited about the prospect of welcoming a baby into our lives, or we wouldn't be trying so hard and for so long to have one.
But different people express their excitement differently. Sometimes, some people are "too expressive" in a way that offends, annoys, or rubs others the wrong way. I know it is not your intent, but you may wish to consider that your style might be overwhelming for many people, and can turn them off.
Also, men process their emotions differently than women. They also don't tend to get as "worked up" about having a baby as some women can. That does not mean that he doesn't want a baby. It's likely just that your husband is adjusting to this major change in his life internally (which we all have to do at some point), and that your incessant discussions about it don't allow him to process it at his own pace. You are probably overwhelming him. And he probably fears that you're becoming obsessive, and worried that you could get hurt (because if you get too wrapped up in it, and you have difficulties TTC, you will end up hurt).
Maybe he didn't choose the best way to tell you how he was feeling. But his feelings are valid. If you keep talking about it all the time, he will start to withdraw from you and possibly TTC (because it's how people who get overwhelmed tend to cope). You don't want that.
My advice would be to restrain yourself. You can talk to him about TTC. But don't talk to him about it in every conversation. Maybe limit it to once a day, or once every few days. It's not that you're hiding your feelings from him. You just need to learn how to process your own feelings internally, without needing to spill them out all over other people all the time. And then only discuss what is really important, instead of discussing every thought that pops into your head.
If you keep focusing so intensely on TTC, you're going to lose yourself and alienate your DH. He didn't marry you because you were a baby-making fiend. He married you for a whole host of other reasons. Don't become a Babyzilla. Unless you want to drive a huge wedge in between you and your husband that could ultimately destroy your marriage.
Mama's Clone - 07/18/12
Okay, so it does seem like you are posting alot and some people get baby on the brain and can't think about anything else. Unfortunately, that stress can make it more difficult to get pregnant. Remember that your husband loves you and that he's probably stressed about 50 things and the added stress of TTC just hit him wrong. In your mind you are worrying about getting pregnant, in his mind he's worrying about getting a baby's room ready, buying furniture (which if you priced isn't cheap at all!), getting all the baby gear-and while he might not be thinking of each thing individually in his mind all of that is adding up to one thing-$$$. TTC can be very stressful, especially for the breadwinner of the family.
I have two children, and have been married for 6 years. I'd like to give you three VERY important pieces of advise. 1) When you are upset with your husband, don't vent to your parents. They aren't required to love your husband and don't have to forgive/forget as easily as you will. You don't want to create feelings that weren't previously there in the heat of the moment. Find a buudy, someone TTC, or a good friend that you can vent your frustrations to. 2) When you husband calls you from work, he's just wanting to check on your day. Work is stressful and he doesn't need/want any additional stress added to his day. So keep the conversation simple...what your plans are for the day, and if you want to do something special that evening. and 3) Never leave being upset with your husband. My mom taught me that lesson. God forbid you leave because your upset and something happens to either one of you and those are the last thoughts and words between the two of you. Pick your battles and remember that at the end of the day your husband loves you and would never intentionally want to hurt your feelings.
As for everyone else posting, take it easy on the girl. TTC is stressful and everyone gets a little emotional, or obsessed or overwhelmed. She just wanted to vent to people she thought would understand.
I simply cannot refer to you as sock monkey. My brain won't do it.
This whole baby thing did not sink in with MH until we saw the baby kicking on an u/s. Even the first u/s with a tiny flickering heart didn't do much for him. He needed proof of limbs to get into it.
DH was excited about TTC b/c of the sex. He didn't want to hear about when I was going to PIAC..
And, if you obsess about it as much as the posts on this board (and your other boards) seem to indicate, I would not be coming home from work at all if I were him.
How old are you?
I wondered this too, but, in reality, there is no age where running away from your home and husband becuse he expressed his feelings to you about your over-focus on TTC would be appropriate. OP, if your husband didn't come home tonight because you are unable to talk about anything other than TTC, how would you feel? Give both of yourselves a break and try and have a little fun with the process. It would be better for you both to be able to look back on this time as a joyful one, not the point in your relationship when you were no longer able to talk to each other.
Lolz.
mylovelyusername. I told you to create a new SN and back off the crazy.
Now why is this concept so foreign to you?
TTC since August 2011, Me = 40, DH = 38
Unexplained IF. Tried Clomid for 3 cycles. All BFNs. BFP 1/6/13. Chemical pregnancy.
Moving on to IVF#1. ER 11/26/13, 16 eggs retreived, 12 mature and all fertilized. 2 blasts transferred on 12/1. All other embies arrested so nothing left to freeze. Beta 12/10 = BFN. IVF #2 March 2014. BFP!!! TEAM BLUE!!!
I don't know if the OP took in your words, but I found them very helpful. Thank you for the response. It can be hard to chill when you want something so very much. Sometimes DH seems to be trying so hard to put the stress out of his mind, and starts to appear not to care (when I know he really does).
Dx PCOS, Anovulatory 4/11 4/13-7/13 - Clomid 50mg
8/11- 9/11- Clomid 100mg BFP! 8/13
What, exactly, is he supposed to be so 'concerned' about? With all the posts you made today, I feel like if there was anything to be actually 'concerned' about we would have all heard it by now. MH is actually very invloved, asks questions, etc and all that jazz and it comes up at least once a day but it is also not the only thing that we talk about.
Violet Mae born 1/15/13
What in the world should he be concerned over? Also, maybe it's just me but what exactly is there to talk about for TTC? What exactly could you be possibly talking about often enough to ask you to cool it?
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
What do you mean it shows that I'm 21? Are adults not supposed to get upset? There is nothing for him to be concerned about I guess I should've used the word interested. He doesn't seem interested when I want to talk about ttc stuff like temping, charting, symptoms and all the other baby plans. Today I just mentioned my testing plan and he started in on how I need to lay off all the baby, ttc talk all the time. I would think he would want to be more involved in the process. I don't really have a hobby but I do work part time, mainly on weekends. I'm also in school, I enjoy chatting online but I don't spend all day on the internet. I have real friends but none of them are ttc, so I know they don't want to talk about it. My friends would prefer to talk about parties, dating and what outfit they are wearing to a concert, while I'm not really interested in those things anymore and prefer to talk about things that are relevant to the stage of life that I'm in.
I do all of this and I find it boring to talk about. When MH woke up he asked how the new ovulation prediction test went (took the first one today), I told him when there was a happy face, he would be the first to know and I say this as someone is is also really Type A. It really isn't worth talking about all the time and the expense of other things in your life.
You're wanting a guy to be interesting in your temperature and CM? There's your mistake. Guys just want to know when they've got to be naked and get down to business, and even then the polls I've seen are split pretty 50/50 on whether or not they want to know when their wife is fertile. You're wanting a man to be interested in the secretions of your nether regions and what they mean. It just isn't a realistic expectation.
If your husband is anything like mine, he doesn't think up problems before they happen and analyze hypothertical situations. He was fine talking about "okay, let's have a baby" and the things we needed in place to be ready (a house, finances, etc.), but he doesn't need to hear the run-down every month. If I'd gotten pregnant, then he would have been down to talk about things like the nursery. The difference is, you're presenting him with "problems" that don't exist yet, and guys don't work that way. They take things as they come and don't stress themselves out over things that aren't tangible.
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
I agree about the age comment.
As for the testing plan, WTF is a testing plan? If your period is late you take a test, end of story. No plan to be made for it.
OP now you know that your husband doesn't want to know the ins and outs. No need to be mad at him for it. Every once in a while my DH would ask if I had O'd yet or where I was in my cycle (it was really rare and only after cycle 8 or so). The month of my BFP he didn't even know I was taking a test and didn't really care to know either. He knew I'd tell him if I was pregnant and that's really all the info he needed.