Should I use my Sister in Law as my Nanny??!!

meggsny · September 2011

I am wondering how everyone feels about having your SIL be your nanny instead of a daycare for 40+ hrs a week. I will be paying her weekly maybe a slight bit more then a daycare. I trust my SIL more then anyone else I just wonder if i am able to maybe pull off a more effective monetary way of daycare,possibly working from home (which would make my 8hr day more like 12-14) 1-2 days a week, having another family member watch the baby, maybe 1-2 x a week and then daycare 1-2x a week. I just don't know if it is the smartest thing to do to have so many people watching the baby and so many different hands with him, messing with a schedule and what not. If i do have my SIL watch the baby, she would be able to pretty much do as she wishes, tend to her own children, come and go as she please, pretty much no disruption to daily errands (except for toting a baby around with her which she is very excited to do).

If i do have her do this would it be ok for me to ask her to do some errands around my house. It seems awkward to me, but possibly doing our laundry and straightening up a bit, maybe picking things up her and there, but that would be rare. The pay would be around 325 a week, is this to much to ask, or to little? I am not sure. Especially with her ability to continue doing as she would. I am just nervous about supplementing someone's income. But it would only be fair as she would be leaving her current part time job.

I think either way we are still going to check out some daycares and some in homes around the area. (on that note anyone totally anti in home day cares, advice also needed)

Any advice or stories anyone has would be of great benefit to me.

speckledfrog · September 2011

This is a really tough one. What's the going rate for a nanny in your area? $325 for someone who also watches other children/has children seems high. I think asking a nanny to do household chores is fine if it's in your contract. I think asking your SIL to do household chores is a great way to breed animosity. How is your relationship with her? Will she respect your wishes or do what she wants to do?

sweet_nitenale · September 2011

I agree that $325/wk is really high especially when its a family member. And I also agree that asking her to do chores around the house wouldn't really go over well with my SIL and seems like it could easily cause offense even though that's not your intention. I definitely think its a good idea to call around and get pricing from other places because I would never expect to pay MORE to a family member.

On the bright side, I would be much more comfortable knowing that a family member is taking care of my baby instead of a stranger. Also, I say even if you're having to bounce your baby around a few times a week, I say however you can work it so you can be home with your baby as much as possible, do it! I distinctly remember hating daycare as a child. But my mom was a single mom and she had no choice. But I have memories of multiple daycares and hating each one and just being so sad everytime my mom dropped me off! And I was so young its surprising I have memories of it. Which would be another advantage to having family watch the baby.

Babymamawithdrama · September 2011

That sounds high for my area, my son is at a daycare center 5 days a week, rate for infant is a little over$1k a month.... if occasional light housekeeping would be included it should be well discussed before hand. Also generally you would pay less to a relative compared to an independent nanny, due to the fact she can continue her regular routine with her kids, a benefit likely in her eyes compared to working a part time job. One other thought your LO may become very attached to your SIL... in a unwanted way. My SIL had a nanny that she quickly got rid of when the kids would look to the nanny for different things when both mom and nanny were there. This is one reason I do love having him at a center, he has great care and with the classes age appropriate he has already been in three classrooms (19 mo old), so not attached to any one teacher too much (he does have favorites). Also if you don't see eye to eye with your SIL it could turn akward (like snacks allowed, how LO is disciplined etc). It might be easier with a non-relative where there is more of an employer employee relationship. We were on the fence with using my brother's good friend in a similar situation, but she moved out of state, ending our debate. As long as EVERYTHING is discussed ahead of time it could work out great, especially knowing your LO is I'm the hands of someone that loves him/her.

meggsny · September 2011

I have not researched much around here but i do know a woman i work with just put her infant in daycare from 8-5, 5 days a week and is paying 300. I live in northern VA and so I guess i will have to do a little more research. Obviously these places will go over that if i am late, which my job does tend to do and i know with her, me being late or needing to leave early will not be a problem or cause any monetary differential. I do understand it would be a little odd to ask her to do housework, i guess i was just thinking for that much money i would want some things done. I would def discuss it beforehand with her. I very much like her style of parenting she is very health food oriented and i know she would try her best to follow whatever plan i had for the baby, with, naturally, a bit of her input. She is also very good about going to community programs with my nephew and i know she would implement that in my childs life, but again those are thing's i would like to be doing, so i am afraid i may get a bit jealous. She truly is a wonderful mother and I know her daily decisions would be very close to mine. But we do have a very good relationship and so that is something I certainly would like to preserve.

I agree i do get a bit nervous that the baby will form a closer connection with her then with me. That was my main issue in the beginning. I guess my main concern is, would it b best to have one person who truly loves my child watch him or to have a place i can not be truly certain will attend to him how i would like. But again money is a huge thing right now with us as my boyfriend is about to start going back to school and so we will be sort of relying on one income for a while.

sunnyday016 · September 2011

That pay would be super high for my area, but I'm in a low cost of living area. Honestly, I wouldn't pay MORE for a family member. I prefer a daycare center so that DD can be around other children her own age, so I personally wouldn't really consider this arrangement.

mrs.gee · September 2011

This seems rife with complications to me, but you know your SIL and your family best.

First of all, in my area (northern NJ), going rate for a driving nanny for 1 kid is $14/hour, with an additional dollar per kid. So if you use your SIL 2 days a week that would be about $280 using this math. Since it's family, you might discount a bit. So $325 might be a little high just for watching the kid. If you want her to do errands and housekeeping, maybe it's not so bad.

Second, I think a really touchy issue is how she will prioritize the kids, like it or not. Will your child be able to take a nap when he or she needs to (likely on a pretty tight schedule), or will that interfere with SIL's kids' activities? What if one of her kids is sick, will you still bring your baby over there? What if she has to take one of her kids to doctor? What about their vacation schedule?

What if you wind up wanting to do things differently in some way than she does it? For example, you come to think her kids watch too much tv or eat junk. How do you tell her this without it being a criticism of her parenting?

I just always tried to keep our nanny relationships very professional, so having a family member work for us makes me itchy. It's certainly a great way to save cash, but it comes with a lot of other costs that may be painful to deal with. GL.

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