Dealing with SAHM burnout

chibipoe · September 2011

I am toast. After a brutal busy season for DH that resulted in me becoming a work widow and some family stuff that I've had to deal with lately, I am just burnt out on being mommy. SAHMs, how do you fight burn out? I love what I do but I don't want to start resenting my kids just because I'm in a rut.

CoffeeGirlJ · September 2011

DH has been working 12 hour days (I guess 14 with his commute), 7 days a week for the past month and half! I know what you mean!! I try to keep busy. I joined a mom's group and go to or host a lot of playdates, recently joined mops, etc. I also try to get out an exercise or get a coffee, run and errand,etc. sometimes it really helps to just get out of the house. When L.O. is napping I try to take at least a few minutes to myself where I am not cleaning, cooking,etc. I call a friend, read a chapter in a book, watch part of a tv show, something to just let myself relax. Every once in awhile I will go out to a movie, for a glass of wine, etc. with a girlfriend when DH is home and can put the kiddo to bed. Hope any of this helps!

iHeartHimMore · September 2011

I hear ya, K. It can be draining in pretty much every way. For me it's been crucial to stay busy - play dates, story times, gymnastics, swim class, and now preschool. If I don't get a change of scenery I go nuts (we both do). I'm sure it's harder with 2, but it sure can help.

Also, make a point to get out *at least* once a month by yourself for dinner with friends or whatever. That always helps me reset and recharge a little bit. Like it's a taste of the "good ol' days".

Hang in there!

theresab · September 2011

I totally hear you. Recently I've tried focus on staying on top of one chore rather than on all the other things I'm not getting done. For me that has been dishes. And letting myself relax or nap during naptime.

I'm having a hard time staying engaged with what she is doing, I feel so bad when she says "momma come play" I don't know how to turn off my mental to do list and am always getting distracted while playing.

I'm trying to find another weekly out of house activity, I think she needs some different stimulation. I can't decide if going out or staying home is harder.

I am trying to get out some more by myself which I'm very bad at. I finally scheduled a hair appointment tomorrow and was very tempted to also schedule a mani/pedi, which I might add if there is time.

Hugs...

BriAndSean · September 2011

I can totally relate. DH doesn't think about the fact that on his "long days" mine are actually 2 hours longer. Whenever I start to feel burned out, I ask for some me time. I should just plan me time on a regular basis. Maybe I'll get there soon. A morning out for pampering, shopping or just hanging out makes a big difference.

cmcmillan · September 2011

I have to plan things for usually 3 days out of the week. M's new pre-k schedule is an adjustment, since he is afternoons. But we do playgroup one day a week, and I try to set up another one most weeks. Then library, errands, long walk to the park or something else usually to get us out. Or a good project at home.

I do get out usually 3-4 times a month without kiddos. Meeting a friend for happy hour, dinner, movie, our pedicure on my own over the weekend make a huge differance in my mood. Which is good for everyone.

theresab · September 2011

I also wanted to say we are available for playdates if you are interested...

chibipoe · September 2011

See we do get out once a day except one day a week when the girls and I have a "rest" day. I think my biggest problem is that I feel like all I do is yell anymore. Between the three year old who won't eat, the one year old who won't sleep and both of them hanging on me and not listening, I feel like I'm fighting the same battles all day long. Then DH works these long hours and I have to fight the same battles all night long too. It's exhausting!

Apparently DH sensed my frustration because when he got home he offered to watch the girls tomorrow while I go to the farmer's market alone.

chibipoe · September 2011

theresab:
I also wanted to say we are available for playdates if you are interested...

Oh yeah! I always forget that you live out here. Absolutely!

kaskade · September 2011

Hugs, I can only imagine just how tough it is to handle two on those long days when you are on your own. My only thought was, are you getting enough time for you? I know you probably try to do as much family or couple time on the weekends as possible, but I bet it would be good for you to get a few hours alone here and there. Enjoy the farmer's market, those are always great for strolling and taking your time. Don't hurry home

Mama_v2.0 · September 2011

I seriously need to get out once a week even if it is just for 30 minutes to the grocery store. I need to be able to listen to my music as loud as I want and to be able to drive the car like a 25 year old not a 70 year old. (Those are my passions.) I started back up tap dancing. While it is defiantly not my forte. It gets me out of the house for almost 2 hours, lets me do the above passions. Then lets me learn something new, while listening to good music, making friends, and moving my body a little. Not to mention I come home and most of the time all the kids are asleep which = double bonus.

My husband is gone 11-14 hours a day and I usually feel trapped and suffocated with kids the 2nd half of the first year (when I have a new baby too.)

JDCSKF · September 2011

I think my gym membership saved my sanity. 2 hours a day child free is bliss. I could work out (or act like it) and read my book, listen to music or watch tv. Bonus, I could shower in peace.

tfarabians · September 2011

Do your IL's still take the girls once a week? My nanny day is a lifesaver as is preschool! I have been going for long walks mornings with J but I'm thinking that is going to quickly result in me going to the gym as our weather gets cold.

WatchPot · September 2011

Awe, K hang in there. I can only imagine how hard it is to be a FT mom of 2 7 days a week.

I think you should find a way to "schedule" your me time. Every saturday am leave before there is time to get sucked in to the whining, crying fits. I go to Yoga on Sunday at am 9:30, it's free: Wanna go? I can FB message you the details. It helps me set the expectations with DH that I'm "off" that time.

jcyahne · September 2011

Big hugs, K! I feel like all I do is yell at the girls all the time, and I have a job. I do feel like work is an escape sometimes (although sometimes doctors act like toddlers too!). Hang in there. Hopefully his work schedule lightens up soon, so that you can get some more help.

chibipoe · September 2011

tfarabians:
Do your IL's still take the girls once a week? My nanny day is a lifesaver as is preschool! I have been going for long walks mornings with J but I'm thinking that is going to quickly result in me going to the gym as our weather gets cold.

They are still doing one day a week but FIL has been out of town a lot lately and MIL can't watch them by herself (at least not all day). I'll be glad when preschool starts next week because at least I'll have a few hours with just one of them.

WatchPot:
I go to Yoga on Sunday at am 9:30, it's free: Wanna go? I can FB message you the details.

Yes! That would be great. I'm terrible at it but I love it and can't do it with the girls in the house - Syd thinks it's funny to crawl under me while I try to do yoga, it's not.

jcyahne:
Big hugs, K! I feel like all I do is yell at the girls all the time, and I have a job. I do feel like work is an escape sometimes (although sometimes doctors act like toddlers too!).

Ha! When I was working I was famous for saying about doctors: "If I wanted to work with a bunch of toddlers I would have stayed home with my daughter"

jrsmama2010 · September 2011

I hear ya. I love DS to pieces but sometimes i want a break and H is either sleeping or working and says when DS is sleeping is my break. We continuously but heads about it.

breebree13 · September 2011

Sorry K! I feel you though. I'm in the same exact spot! I think the other ladies provided great advice. Today I was able to get out after I put the kids to sleep and went and had lunch & beer with a friend. I felt recharged just after being out 2hours. I'm going to make a point to do it more often instead of grocery shopping during nap time. I was telling the other girls we should do weekly play dates...sounds like Theresa is in area too!

mrssmith717 · September 2011

I know your MIL watches them one day a week, right? Is there any way she could come over around 3pm another day every week and entertain the girls while you prepare dinner? You could use it as an excuse to make a really delicious and more complicated meal!

Find a neighborhood HS student to come over once a week after school to play with the girls, give them a break from mom, you a break from them? If you're still there, you can pay less than babysitting right.

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