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How have you handled your child accusing you of not loving them?

championmamachampionmama
in Parenting

Blaire has started this the last two days and I'm ready to nip it in the bud.  I don't want her dwelling on every little thing as though I don'tl ove her.

I called Natalie "darling girl" yesterday, which is what I usually call her.  I call Blaire my "sweet, sweet Blaire".  Blaire got all upset saying I don't call her "darling girl".  This happened several times. 

Today I raised my voice and she thought I didn't love her.  I assured her that I was stressed out and no way could I EVER not love her.  (car battery had died at daycare pickup).  This happened several times after gymnastics like when we did ChickFilA drive thru instead of going in and again when I wouldn't let her have a drink of my Dr. Pepper.

Plus, she was already mad that I wouldn't let her go home with her friend after gymnastics.  She had ridden there with them after daycare while I waited for Chris to come with a new battery.  She said i didn't  love her then either.

It's just been a very dramatic two days and it breaks my heart that these things are upsetting her.

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Re: How have you handled your child accusing you of not loving them?

  • lsufanlsufan
    I've never dealt with that, but I think I would just not make a big deal about it but reassure her that you do love her.  So... pretty much what you already did.  I just think that if she senses that it upsets you for her to say that, she might use that as a manipulation tactic more often in the future.
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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    I don't know how old she is, but you might try telling her that she can say she's mad or sad or hurt, but that she needs to stop saying you don't love her as a way to express her feelings.  Reassure her that you do love her, of course, but then ask her not to say it again, and that her saying it won't make you change your mind about x, y, or z, but you'd be happy to talk through her feelings with her.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • AggieCoupleAggieCouple member
    TB says that sometimes, and I usually try to acknowledge his feelings first with, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I do love you very much."  I know, such a nesty answer, but that is the one thing I got out of that book How to Talk to Your Kids.  I don't think you're supposed to ever tell them not to express what they're feeling or what they think they're feeling.
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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    I think there are other ways to express what they're thinking.  For example, they're not allowed to say "I hate you" to each other when they're fighting.  They can say they're mad and why, but not use "hate."  Similarly, the "you don't love me" seems pretty manipulative, and there are other ways for them to say that they're mad or sad without accusing the parents.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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