Question for all SAHMs

gmedlock · September 2011

Will you be getting a job when the youngest of your kids starts school or continuing to SAH?

I have a cush-job that I love and it pays decent. MH and I have talked about me being a SAHM when our LO is born in January. I have to say that I love the idea! However, MH has said that he expects me to get a job after our kids get old enough for school bc I "won't have anything to do all day".

I don't want to give up my nice job here and in 5-8 years be thown back out in the work force and try to find a job (with no work history for that time I was at home) just for the sake of having a job.

We are soooo not on the same page with this and I was wondering if any of you are/were struggling with the same issue?

Maybe someone can give me insight so we can find a happy middle?

Stacyc625 · September 2011

has he thought about the cost of 'care' during the summer months when they aren't in school?

That has no impact or bearing on my decision either way- however something to consider.

BobbiJanay07 · September 2011

I am normally a lurker on this board but I will answer this. The plan is for me to go back to school and finish my degree. I stopped when i ran out of cash to pay for it, I didn't want student loans. My DH agrees with this idea, and if at the time we don't have the money for me to go back. I will continue to stay home and vol. at the kids school

kdidit · September 2011

DH and I had our first child 4 months ago and she was a complete surprise if you know what I mean haha. But when I got pregnant I was still in college, so when she hits kindergarten I'll definitely be finishing school/getting a job. But that's just the type of person I am, I need to have at least a part time job if I don't have any kids at home. Just enough to be home in the mornings to get her on the bus or take her to school and be home by the time she's getting off the bus.

But I also think if you have the financial means to continue being a SAHM you should definitely do it!!!! If that's important to you then you should discuss with your husband and tell him how you feel.

Daisy77 · September 2011

You're looking 3-5 years into the future, depending on when you start your youngest in school. A lot can happen during that time. When I started to SAH DH worked in a truck shop as a diesel technician. Not even a year later he quit and started the trucking business we own now.

Our youngest will start school in 2 years and there is still no concrete plan for me. I take care of the books in our business and while that doesn't take up a full day for me by any means, there's no saying that as we expand my role won't get larger. I do plan on being home in the mid-afternoons though for little ones getting off the bus...if I find something part-time that can accommodate that while still allowing me to keep up my work here, great. If not, I'll probably just be more involved with the business wherever I can and probably help out at the schools when they need parent volunteers.

Dr.Loretta · September 2011

I work in a very family-friendly field with a lot of opportunities for freelance and PT work. I'm currently freelancin with my old company on an occasional basis. It keeps my skills fresh.

I'm also considering starting a resume writing business at some point in the next few years. This would allow me to work from home.

Does your DH have any idea what SAHMs do? My mom was a SAHM throughout our lives, and she was never home all day with nothing to do. She was taking us to school, or volunteering at the school, or volunteering in other capacities, or running errands, or cleaning the house, or doing laundry. She was making doctor/dentist appointments, shuttling us and herself to said appointments, and still getting dinner on the table at least a few days a week.

What is your DH's real reason for wanting you to go back to work? Is he concerned about $?

Stacyc625 · September 2011

i think first and foremost the beauty of SAH- is that it is totally what you make it. you can SAH for 2 months or forever.

nekorayne · September 2011

I'm not sure yet to be honest. I have one LO and I think we will have at least one more if not two...we probably have awhile to decide.

I think while they are young still Dh and I will want me at home with them during summer and to be able to help out at school and such. DH has expresses that he really likes me at home and does not necessarily want me going back to work unless I want to.

Honestly, I love the idea of taking some cooking classes and maybe getting a little part time job as a baker or something of the sort! I think I will want some sort of part time job by then. I want a passion and to have that thing for me and to help with bringing in money. But at the same time I think I'll be a SAHM with the part time job....best of both worlds wants I have school aged kids. We will see.,,,

Of course if I needed to for money reasons I would go back full time in a heart beat...::sigh:: so hard to say what i'll do , LOL

ENI36 · September 2011

DH doesn't care what I do but I want to go back to school for a second degree. Then I will work in that field part-time probably. I want to be there when my kids get home from school each day. Is part-time an option for you?

Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck in your decision!

gmedlock · September 2011

Thank you ladies for your replies.

Money is not a factor here. We will be able to live comfortably on just his income.

From what MH has said, he thinks I should get a job just to have one. Otherwise, (and he didn't word it this way but I will) I'm not contributing anything of value to the family by being home without little ones there to take care of all day.

I have no problem getting a job but I don't want to give up the job I love that I have now just to have to get a job somewhere that I hate later. If that's the case, I'd rather keep my job and find a child care provider that I love.

Actually, I''d rather be the one to raise my children instead of a stranger 8 hrs a day but I guess there are no right or wrong answers with this.

littlemermaid · September 2011

I have been a sahm for almost 11 years and I have no plans of going back to work yet. I have plenty to do during the day, whether it be chores around the house, or errands to run. For me it's not worth to get just any job unless it's going to be a very good paying job because when my kids are off from school(1/2 days, random days off, and long breaks) I would need childcare and if my paycheck isn't going to greatly exceed the cost of childcare then it definitely is not worth it for me to work.

shelbym · September 2011

When I quit to be a SAHM I had no plans to go back to work. I did love my field but not being away from my son everyday. Fast forward to two years later I have applied for a part time position not because I don't love staying home but because I think that the position is right for our family. The same could happen to you in a few years. With me if I get the position I can work with my kids and be outside which is great for us. Just because you have the perfect job for you now doesn't mean that a more perfect opportunity won't come along later. That said, I know that my SIL that still stays at home with school age kids is never idle or at home.

Court0026 · September 2011

I am going back next year or the year after (kids will either be almost 4 and 2 or almost 5 and 3). I am on extended leave from my job as a teacher and they are holding a job for me for up to 4 years. There are way too many unemployed teachers looking for jobs right now and we can't move into a bigger house until I go back to work.

ValAndRyan · September 2011

We don't have a plan because it's just too far out. I'd like to go back to work but who knows what could happen. I also know I am going to be very busy during my days if I continue to stay at home after LO starts school.

memali26 · September 2011

I will go back to work when our youngest is in school full time. We can live on DH's income, but it's very important to us to send our kids to the private school where he teaches, so I will work to cover the cost of their tuition. I worked in education pre-babies, so my plan is to find something part time in a school setting, maybe even their school if possible, so I can be home with them before/after school and on summer/spring break, etc.

MAMAxB · September 2011

Technically I WFH now but when we add a few more kids I will stop that. We are only one #2 and plan to have 4 or 5 so we have a long ways until I need to decide to work or not... but as of now, I would love to continue to WFM doing something to just cover the mortgage/keep me busy. I cannot see myself being somewhere for 40 hours a week though

passar3588 · September 2011

That's funny that your DH says that you won't have anything to do all day. I've had several people with school-aged children tell me that it only gets busier when your kids get older and that THAT is the time to be a SAH parent because there is so much running around during the school year. This is especially true if you have several children or if you have a spouse that travels or works long hours - someone needs to be able to shuttle the kids to practices, games, concerts, recitals, lessons, etc. Don't forget summers, holidays, snow days, etc. Someone's got to be there. Yes, you will have more down time during the school year, but to say that you'll have nothing to do is ridiculous.

That said, I do plan on going back when my youngest is 4 or 5, but I probably will look for something part-time at first and then gradually work up to full-time when my kids are more self-sufficient.

Also, a lot can change in 5-8 years. I think it's great to plan ahead, but I don't think you have to have a long-term plan at this point regarding staying at home. If staying home makes sense for your family NOW, then consider doing it. You'll never get this time back with your children.

penguingrrl · September 2011

I'm planing to continue staying home. Between before and/or aftercare to accommodate work hours and the summer and other breaks schools have but working people don't it's a lot of logistics to work out. Everyone I know with kids and a dual income household (which is most people I know actually) says the stress of working is constantly increasing as kids get older rather than decreasing. Daycare was expensive, but that before/after/summer/break care is just as expensive and more difficult to find.

spiritenergy · September 2011

We are homeschooling, so no I will not have a job when the kids are in school. Neither one of us are the type to work for other people, so I will always have a business or other projects to keep me busy.

cactus5 · September 2011

I have no plans to go back to work. Maybe when the kids are in college, but definitely not anytime soon.

Que*Syrah · September 2011

Our plan is for me to SAH forever (or until I decide to go back to work). My mom SAH until I was about 13 and she found plenty to do during the day.

hayleydeee · September 2011

Right now I'm saying yes, and no.

Before our daughter was born I was a teacher, and now I'm seriously considering homeschooling our kids. I'd also like to be active in the local homeschool communities and may even do a little teaching that way.

So I might not go back to the exact job, but will be staying home doing something related.

KRISTA555 · September 2011

Probably, but that won't be for a long time. See my siggy? We plan to have 4 children, if not more.

My husband is also (about to be) a 100% disabled veteran, at which time I, as well as our children, will have free college. Pretty amazing benefit that we are praying the government doesn't take away. When his 100% status comes through (he's at 90% now), I will start school.

carlab44 · September 2011

passar3588:
That's funny that your DH says that you won't have anything to do all day. I've had several people with school-aged children tell me that it only gets busier when your kids get older and that THAT is the time to be a SAH parent because there is so much running around during the school year. This is especially true if you have several children or if you have a spouse that travels or works long hours - someone needs to be able to shuttle the kids to practices, games, concerts, recitals, lessons, etc. Don't forget summers, holidays, snow days, etc. Someone's got to be there. Yes, you will have more down time during the school year, but to say that you'll have nothing to do is ridiculous.

I completely agree with this. I work part-time and DD just started kindergarten. I find being a working parent SO much easier when dealing with daycare than when dealing with school. With daycare you can drop them off when you want/need and pick them up when you want/need (within reason of course). With school there is a rigid start and end time, which for us is 8:55am-3pm. Unless you want to try and figure before and after school care, that doesn't leave a lot of room for work.

Add in professional service days (which for us average one full Friday and one 2-hour early dismissal each month), holidays (a week at Thanksgiving, 2 weeks at Christmas, a week for mid winter break, a week for spring break, and random single day holidays) and scheduling gets crazy! Then as a pp mentioned you have the whole summer where you have to find childcare.

So I can completely understand why people choose to SAH when they have kids in school full time.

dinonugget1517 · September 2011

He thinks I will be working when our youngest starts kindergarten. However, I do not plan on it! Hehe. I want to be really involved in my children's "school life" (room mom, and other stuff as they get older). We will see. I would maybe consider a part time job.

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2011

We will. I will get something with flex hours so I can be home when they get off the bus, and DH will get them ready in the morning since he doesnt work until 9. For me personally, my DH isn't a millionaire, and I want to continue aggressively saving for retirement. We can save for retirement on DH's income alone, but not as aggressively as I would like. We also want to give them luxuries like yearly disney vacations, any activitity they want to participate in no matter the cost, etc. The cost of kids goes way up at school aged, so by then you may need your income to live as comfortably as you want. Babies are cheap. Older kids are expensive.

I think you have a long time to worry about that and many things will change between now and then. I wouldnt spend my time struggling with that issue. You can always compromise and work part time if DH still isnt on your side in 6 years from now.

pinksweetpea2 · September 2011

DH and I thought the same thing when I was pregnant with Lily...now we are not so sure. I WILL go back in some sort of fashion (I am actually working part time right now until the next baby comes- because I like my job and didn't want my resume to become too outdated), but I am not sure it will be full time for a long time.

Seriously, don't decide this now...she how you like SAH and how it affects your family and then decide.

You never know how everything will work for your family. For example, I am realizing that although I like working, it is pretty rough on our lifestyle. My house is always a wreck and everything that was easy before I went back to work seems to be a chore. DH is picking up the slack, but it doesn't seem to help that much. Eventually we are going to have to figure it out because I do want to go back, but I realize now, for us, working when my kids are young is HARD.

pinksweetpea2 · September 2011

gmedlock:
I''d rather be the one to raise my children instead of a stranger 8 hrs

Be careful with throwing this statement around. It is inflammatory and insulting to those who do work...and it is just plain inaccurate.

As I said, I work right now (and before), and I am not offended because I know this statement just comes from plain ignorance, but other people do get offended so I thought I would throw this out there so you don't go off offending anyone who means anything to you.

LJR 84 · September 2011

I honestly have no idea. That time is so far out in the future right now that it's hard to say! I have a feeling I'll probably want to continue to SAH so that I'm home when the kids get home from school and can be present at all their school related activities. I personally am not passionate about my career- mostly in HR...so I doubt I'll be running back into the work force.

janbrady · September 2011

If money was no object I would SAH forever. I think it's almost *more* important to be home for the kids when they are older. Sure you may have more downtime during the day, but overall your life will be so much busier.

Unless DH gets a major raise/promotion I will most likely try to find a PT job that fits with the kids' school hours at a minimum to help pay for extras. Not sure at what age. I'm not against preschool/daycare as long as it's not for 10+ hours a day.

To keep my resume active and myself hirable I do occasional contracting work and 'network' as much as possible in my field.

beautifulstr13 · September 2011

I dont really want to but the plan is for me to either go back to work for DH or we talked about me getting a real estate license and doing that. We are in the process of building a farm so if the farm work becomes a big enough load I probably wont go to work.

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