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November 2011 Moms
kurokai
member
so my SO's sister is pregnant....
kurokai
member
...and I don't know whether to feel happy or upset about this.
She announced it on FB before telling her brother or myself (when he called her to let her know our news), and we wouldn't have known if we hadn't looked at her FB page last night.
She had told me two months ago that she wasn't trying and wasn't planning to until next year.
She's acted all excited for my LO and so has her mom, but when it comes to actually be included (I invited them both to the anatomy scan, gave them a month's notice, and something came up; his sister offered to throw my baby shower with my mom and my mom ended up doing all the work because his sister was always busy; I gave his mom a month's notice on the baby shower but she has to work) they really don't follow through.
I'm glad for her, but at the same time I feel like my LO will be neglected by that side of the family when he's born because of the new pregnancy in his family. My SO thinks the same thing, because he knows his family better than me. I didn't even mention it to him until he started talking about how his sister was "stealing his thunder, as usual."
Ugh.
ETA: Please don't flame me. I know this is probably a little petty and irrational - it's just how I'm feeling ATM based on their past actions and my SO's experiences and what he's told me about them.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: so my SO's sister is pregnant....
I'm going to be SUPER cheesy and share with you a saying that my Grandfather has: "Baby's bring their love with them."
It doesn't matter how many there are, or how soon they come after the other, there is always enough love for all the babies. I can appreciate you worrying about your child not getting the attention you think is deserving, but I think if you try to turn your mind to the more positive aspects... cousins close in age, sharing the experience with her of raising a family, etc. it will help you welcome this wonderful news.
Because you asked, I won't flame you for this one, although there are some things here that could be considered pretty flame-able. I know you cannot help your feelings, but please try to put this all in perspective and be happy for your sister-in-law.
Your LO will have a cousin his/her age - that's pretty cool!
You and your sister-in-law can commiserate about morning sickness, weight gain, breastfeeding, whatever - this could actually bring you two closer!
You two can switch/trade/borrow stuff - another plus!
And your family (and the world) gets another precious, sweet, awesome baby.
Your sister-in-law sounds like she was genuinely excited about your baby - maybe too busy to help out much or participate in your pregnancy, but excited. Sounds like she will be a good mother. Just try your best to be happy for her and get involved where you can.
I can understand that you and your SO are hurt that she didn't call to tell you the news. And it sounds like she might have been fibbing if 2mo ago she said they weren't trying (she is probably 12wks along if she's announcing). Your SIL sounds a little like a drama queen but I agree that it might be great for the cousins to be so close in age. I know some cousins that are almost like siblings and it makes family events a lot more fun for everyone.
Hang in there and hopefully it won't get as bad as you fear :-D
This would only be flame worthy if you didn't know you were being petty. Try to get over it and be happy for your SIL.
I'm sorry your husband always feels overshadowed by his sister. He is going to have to come to terms with that on his own though. I'm sure people will be excited about your little one and love your baby. Keep in mind NO ONE will love your baby as much as you do and NO ONE will be as excited about your pregnancy as you are. That's completely normal.
I don't really know how to explain how this woman really about her family and her current child. My SO hasn't seen his nephew since the beginning of May, and that's not for a lack of trying. He calls her, drops by, and texts her all the time to be involved in her life and she feeds him excuses all the time.
I'm trying to be happy for her, and in part I really am. I'm happy for the new baby, happy for her to be pregnant. I'm not acting bitter/resentful towards her - I'll see her Sunday at my baby shower (unless, of course, something comes up like it did for my SO's birthday dinner) and tell her congratulations and probably be all happy for her.
It's also a lot his mom - I gave her a month's notice for all things concerning this baby, and she failed to get off work for any of them. She failed to get off work for her son's birthday dinner. But she's able to get off work on a moment's notice to go to an early ultrasound with her daughter (who according to SO's mom, never talks to her). It's just like a big slap in my face, because I really enjoy talking to SO's mom and really hoped she'd be able to take an active part in my LO like she was telling me she wanted to.
She's like, 6 or 7 weeks.
Please realize that I am not trying to be snarky or rude but, are you and SO married? Do you think that SO's mom may have an issue with that, perhaps she is "not there"?
We are not married, but she would have told him if she had a problem with that (she's vocal).
Sometimes we just can't help how we feel, even if we know we're being petty. You're hormonal, chalk it up to that.
While it does seem petty and selfish from an outside perspective, there are probably a lot of underlying reasons why you're feeling this way. You know deep down you really should be, and will be, happy for her... I'm sure it will pass with time and some more constructive thinking about it on your end.
I agree with this. It will naturally be easier for your SO's mom to be more involved with her daughter's pregnancy than with your pregnancy. I would just continue to keep her invited and updated on your pregnancy, so she feels welcome and comfortable.
Maybe she thinks that her baby won't get as much attention before yours will be born first. My DH's sister had a baby right after I got pregnant and no one on his side of the family seems to care that he's having one too. My side of the family is overjoyed that we're having a baby so I have to focus on that instead of being sad that his family doesn't care. Your SO family might be the same way as my DH's once your baby is born. I don't think a lot of families care as much about the pregnancies as they do about the baby. Unless there have been troubles getting pregnant, then it's an entirely different story.
So think of it like that. She might be the newly pregnant one, but she'll still be pregnant when your baby is out and getting fawned over for 6 or 7 months. Of course then her baby will be the new baby but be upset over that when the time comes.
My mom is very loving, but I'm pretty sure she'd take time off work to go to MY appointments as opposed to my brother's girlfriends, if she were pregnant.
Yes, they're both her grandchildren, but her daughter carrying a child is a bit different than her son's girlfriend/wife carrying a child.
One both babies are here, I'm sure she'll love them the same.