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Toddlers: 24 Months+
bride711
member
How to talk with your two year old about strangers?
bride711
member
Hi Ladies,
Our LO is very social & outgoing. He loves to be social with other kids. He will share with them, encourage them to play with him, and will grab their hands to come to the toys he is playing with ( at the library, beach, playdates,etc). Although, we are proud of his sharing and him wanting to socialize, DH and I are very nervous because when we are in public he seems to want to wave and say hello to everyone that passes.
And to add to our parent anxiety, today at the park another mom who was walking with me as my son was playing with her two toddlers grabbed the other mothers hand and started walking with her. I intervened of course.
I indeed don't want him to be afraid of people but I don't want him to be so easily trusting also. DH and I will encourage him to only say hi to people that mommy and daddy say its ok to say hello too. We also say to him to never go with anyone without mommy & daddy's permission. And we will refer to people that we don't know as "strangers". I know developmentally he doesn't forsee what we see however, is there anything else that Dh and I can do to simmer down on his outgoingness of saying hello to everyone and the grabbing someone else's hand. It scared us terribly today and we want to make sure that we are doing the right things to help our LO make the connection that we can be polite but not overly friendly to everyone in passing.
Need advice!
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Re: How to talk with your two year old about strangers?
DS is exactly the same, but since he is always by my side I do not worry about it right now since he's just 2. I'd rather he learn to be nice and polite to people and friendly first, rather than get scared about strangers this early. Once when DS and I were at the grocery store (he was in his stroller) he smiled really big and waved and said "hi!" to this man in the lineup ahead of us. He gave me this look and then said kind of to DS and kind of to me "what about stranger-danger?"
I just smiled and said to the man "well, he is with mommy right now so it's ok if he's being friendly". When he gets a little older and is more independent from mommy, I will definitely explain about strangers and being careful and all that important stuff. He doesn't walk up to strange adults when he's out of his stroller, just kids, so I'm a bit relieved about that. I am however trying to teach him not to walk up to just any dog at a park and try to pet it though.. that can be immediately dangerous if the dog is not friendly!
I feel like 2 is too young to talk about strangers. BUT around two we DO talk about "Safe People" in the community as we see them. SO if we see a firetruck, I throw in "OOH- a firefighter drives the truck, fire fighters are "SAFE PEOPLE." I label cashiers in stores/restaurants and other mommies at the park. Whatever. Where ever we are, I try to remember to point out who the safe person is. Then with DD#1, around 3, I started talking to about going straight to the safe person if she is lost.
My kiddo is pretty bright, but stranger/lost are abstract concepts that she didn't really get until about 3. I avoid the "stranger" talk now because there are so many scenarios where EVERYONE will be a stranger. They just started school- the teachers and kids are all strangers! There are times when we are all together and I want to encourage socialization and I expect my kids to respond when spoken to right now. When a mom on the playground compliments them, I expect them to say thank you.. so the "stranger" thing is not stressed right now until cognitively they can handle reading a situation and discriminate between a friendly parent saying hi or a creepy dud lurking in the woods next to the playground.
I don't worry about DD saying Hi to strangers, I think its cute and funny.
We don't really talk about "strangers" we talk about who is safe, who can help you - but even then, not very often. We talk about finding a mommy if DD gets lost/can't find me.
Great way to do it! I tell him the Police/Firemen/Ambulance workers are the "good guys" and they help people if they are hurt or sick :-D He seems to like that. There have been a few people I steer DS away from because they really just have that "do not touch" vibe..but I don't make a big deal out of it yet because I agree 2 is a bit young to understand why some people are OK but some are scary.
At the moment if DS is getting tired and grumpy, he decides he doesn't like people at all.. especially if they are wearing sunglasses. He'll shake his head and yell "no NO NO! No LIKE PEOPLE!" I don't get mad but I tell him to be nice, and if he really doesn't like someone he can close his eyes since it seems to be when they look at him (he's in the stroller when this happens)..he doesn't get that yet either heh.