Feeling pressured to have another baby

lorist202 · September 2011

I'm a FTM and had DS at 35. DH and I certainly want another child and have envisioned a 2-yr age difference. However, I've recently had jitters about the whole "advanced maternal age" thing. I'm starting to wonder if we should wait as long as we were planning.

Does anyone else feel this pressure and has it affected your family planning?

1CINCYGIRL · September 2011

I had DS at 32 and DD at 37. We had fertility issues both times, so I may be different. Due to my age my OB just watched me closer, I didn't have any unexpected problems. Our kids are 5 years apart- I wish they were a little closer in age so they would have more in common- God had a different plan. Good luck.

mwd · September 2011

I think a 2 year difference is perfect, and I had my kids at 39 & 41. Their birthdays are 12 days apart. Yes, I put pressure on myself to have another baby, and my obgyn had me go in for a NST each week for the last 10 weeks of my last pregnancy, since I was over 40. Other moms on this board have not had to do this. I guess I encourage you to take care of your little baby, and then start thinking about #2 at about a year or so.

CaniacMom · September 2011

I agree that 2 years age difference is great. My boys are a 13 years, 10 months apart in age. It is like having two families.

I have to say that I had a much healthier seeming pregnancy at 39 than I did at 25. I had more risks at 39 but my doctors did such a good job of monitoring me since I was considered high risk.

The timing of the two chilren is up to you and your husband and maybe advice from your OB.

Pesky · September 2011

I had my first at 35 and second at 37. No problems. It's not like your fertility and egg quality falls off a cliff at 35. I wouldn't let that deter you at this point. The 2 yr age gap, while a lot of work initially, is working out wonderfully as the kids are able to play together more. I will say that age was one of the factors in not going for a 3rd, but only one and definitely not the primary (more about my health in pg and our family feeling "done").

chmana · September 2011

I feel pressure because of my age. I had DD at 33 and I'm almost 35 now. I would like to get pregnant next June and have the baby the following year. This way my kids will be 3 years apart.

MyPunkinPie · September 2011

Pesky:
It's not like your fertility and egg quality falls off a cliff at 35.

This. I promise you, you have a lot of time. I married my H at 41. Since we both wanted children, I got pg. right away and had DS at 42 without any complications. I definitely feel the race is on to have the 2nd since I want to be finished having kids by 45. I'm trying my best to hold out TTC until Feb. because I don't want 2U2 so it's a delicate balancing act at our house.

katydid2007 · September 2011

I had my first at 33 and was a little panicked about not waiting too long to have the second. I don't know why because I got pregnant on my honeymoon with #1 and then while breastfeeding and not trying with #2. My boys are 18 months apart. I'm now almost 37 and considering another but will definitely wait! If my reproductive history is any measure, I'll be fine having another in a few years. I think this is a highly personal situation. Some women can get pregnant easily into their 40s and some have fertility issues in their 20s. fwiw, I think you're fine waiting it out for a 2 year split and, as someone with 2u2, I would recommend space it at 2.5 to 3 years...

leffe1 · September 2011

I think you have lots of time. I had my dd at 38.

rsd12 · September 2011

This is why my boys are 22 months apart & then 21 months apart. But I love having them so close in age! I would consider having one more & would be happy with a 3 year age gap.. but it was a lot of work to do it twice so close in age ; ) But age will probably stop us (but we do worry about birth defects, we have already had some issues with our kids & we are in a good place with everyone right now).

racampbell1 · September 2011

Meh, I wouldn't feel pressured at 35! I was just getting married at 35

I understand why you might feel that way because of all the scary things you hear about AMA, but I had DD at 37 and am now 39 trying for #2. My doc said no reason to be concerned about my age, he sees "older" moms all the time. Try to enjoy your baby, the time goes by SOOOOOO fast. We waited until T was a year to really discuss. All that said, do what feels right for you and good luck!

ateytelb · September 2011

We didn't feel pressured, so we had J. when I was 37 and E. when I was 40 (almost 41). Everything went fine. CVS test rocks!

trishinbanff · September 2011

I'm 36 and my DH is 38 this will be our only child for a few reasons, age being one of them. that is just a choice for our family and what works for us.

rsrn02 · September 2011

I had DS at 37 and will probably wait another year before having #2

Peppernut · September 2011

Don't stress it too much. We rushed a bit more than we wanted because of age, but then I'm 43. Plus we might still want one more, if we can. I think you should be fine.

P.S. - 2 under 2 is pretty challenging! If you do get a 2-year gap, call in the cavalry for the first few months!

Good luck!

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