Moms of 2+

Mouseygail · September 2011

Can I get a little pep talk here? I apparently was super sappy this weekend...but I ended the weekend by being super sad as I put DS to bed, thinking "how could I ever love another little person as much as I love this one"...and I'm pretty sure I've heard every mother I know echo these feelings BEFORE their second child arrives...but I need to hear the resolution of these feelings. We are gearing up to start TTC again and I keep having sick feelings and little panicky feelings about "ruining" our perfect little set up...but...I know that if we are lucky enough to have a second child, it would be amazing..if not immediately, then down the road when they are friends and playing together...

If it took you a while to really fall in love with your first child, how did that work with the second? While I was super protective of DS right away...we definitely grew to love each other rather than that lightning flash of love.

I'm guessing we will always have some sort of special relationship with our firsts...but that balances out with specialness with the subsequent children, right? (and maybe i just need to hear this as the youngest of 4..ha!!)

Thanks for sharing!

naflmj · September 2011

I love that you asked this, it is one of my biggest fears even though I know it will work out. And YAY for getting back on the TTC train!

CJ71903 · September 2011

I'm curious to hear what people have to say since I've been thinking about this too. I have twins and it's just perfect right now. I really want to have more children at some point.

browneyedgrl4282 · September 2011

You feel the same emotions/love for the 2nd (or in my case 3rd since I had the twins first) when they put that baby in your arms. Your heart just grows!

You will be just as excited during the pregnancy as you were with your first

howleyshell · September 2011

My IF and his IUGR followed by a rough delivery and not seeing him for a few hours after birth all led to it taking a while to bond and really believe that he was actually my take home baby, KWIM?

I bled with Jace (#2) from weeks 5-7 so again the IF defense mechanism of expecting it not to last kicked in. I would forget I was pregnant until I felt him kick me and then feel guilty that I wasn't cherishing his pregnancy like I had Dylan's (#1).

With my 2nd I had been terrified about how I'd handle 2 of them and do it well. I was SO convinced we were done that I fought the insurance company to do a tubal during my section (and lost). I knew I'd have my hands full with 2 and couldn't imagine wanting more.

I cried on my way to the hospital thinking that my days of just me and my little buddy were over and feeling awful for how I was about to change his life.

The second they put Jace on my chest I looked at DH and said "I want another one"

Seriously that fast.

No one was more shocked than I was.

Not gonna lie - that first year with #2 was HARD. There's only so much of you to go around and I never felt like it was enough.

But fast forward and they're BFF's. I wouldn't change a thing and I'm soooo glad we were blessed with a 2nd one despite the odds.

I think what you're feeling is totally normal.

When considering #2 I always tell people to think not about the upcoming year or 2 but instead consider 5, 10, 20, 30 years down the road and how you want your life to look.

It's tougher with 2 for sure. Right now sports have us going in 2 different directions and that aspect of it's not going to let up for a while but they adore each other and watching them share that bond makes all the tough stuff worth it and then some.

Sometimes you've gotta just take the leap and trust that it will all come together.

You can do this!

Your heart really does grow instead of divide, I promise!

LisaMarisa · September 2011

The only way I can explain it is like this - remember before you had your first and you couldnt even imagine how much you would love them? It's the same way with the second. You dont know them, you dont know what your life will be like with them, and soon after they arrive, you wont remember how you ever lived without them.

Last night before bed, I looked in on each of my kids and my heart almost exploded with love. I said to my husband that I cant believe we are so lucky to have these adorable kids to love. It is true when they say your love is multiplied, not divided. My heart is so full, it feels like it might burst.

ETA: DS doesnt resent DD at all and never did. He adores her and she completely idolizes him, anything he does is hysterical to her. Moment that made me cry (and still does)? When he sings You Are My Sunshine to her. And there are times that only he can get her to stop crying.

beebe929 · September 2011

With #1, I was like you, the love grew, one day I just felt the overwhelming gush. I had a lot of built up anxiety with pgcy and delivery with #1, this was part of the reason.

With #2, things were more at ease from the start. I think it was easy to attach immediately just because the anxiety wasn't there as much (I was medicated).

Your relationship will be different with each of your children. You will love them and adore them both. My DDs are so different from each other. But I assure you I love them both boat loads!!

Mouseygail · September 2011

Thank you ladies...as I mentioned, I'm super sappy lately and your posts made me cry. Those images of my children being best friends and there for each other are what I really want...its so tough to look past the "here and now" sometimes! I really appreciate your comments!!!

itsmevkb · September 2011

It's amazing how your love can grow to cover as many little people as you have. You will always have a special connection to your first because they are your first, but in the same way, no other child will ever be your second and so you have that special connection with them.

I'll be honest, I didn't feel as "connected" to my second as I was to my first until around 18 months. I think for me it was that when my second was born my first was talking and could really communicate so I had someone to talk to and felt a bond with him that I couldn't get from the baby. It just seemed like I could do more with my oldest and we could talk about what we were doing and he could tell me what he wanted and needed, etc. Once my daughter was talking and moving around more that same bond came. That isn't to say I loved one more, it wasn't like that.

What I love about having two, and now three, is to see them interacting. It is amazing when they hug one another and makes up for all the times I hear "Mommy, she took my toy!"

OrangeSmoke · September 2011

Not quite the same situation, but before the boys got here, I had a fear of "what if I had a favorite?"

Now that the boys are here, I find that I love them deeply and differently. I can't imagine life without either one of them. I suspect it's the same for other non twin moms as well.

Oh and yes, there is a favorite. It's whoever is not whining at the moment.

artygirl · September 2011

I don't have two yet, but I'm 13 weeks with #2.

It was a huge leap to decide to try for #2 because I feel like our life is perfect now. What made me take the leap was that I was Lucas to have a sibling that is close in age and that I had to get moving if I wanted it to happen because I couldn't assume that IVF would work the first time again.

In the past few months, Lucas has shown a real interest in babies (and we haven't told him that he is going to be a big brother -- though he might know that I'm pregnant because he knows more than I think he does). When he met his twin baby cousins, he wanted to help feed them and help hold them. At daycare, he has been carrying around a baby doll at daycare.

This makes me think that the transition will be easier for him and eases any guilt I might have.

Ali212 · September 2011

Mouseygail:
I'm guessing we will always have some sort of special relationship with our firsts...but that balances out with specialness with the subsequent children, right? (and maybe i just need to hear this as the youngest of 4..ha!!)

I think this part really resonates for me. I have to start by saying I'm not a baby/newborn person really....I have loved 12 months, 15 months, 18 months, 2 years etc....yes, they can be trying but I love when they're doing a bit more. So, the bond with my older daughter has really really grown as I've just loved her more & more each day. Yes, I loved her from the beginning but know I feel like I KNOW her (if that makes sense) and I feel like I see who she is and what she's becoming.

All that said, I had this immediate reaction to my 2nd when she was born that I wouldn't have expected...given how I am about the newborn stage and how much I love my older daughter. I think part of it was knowing this was it for me...she is my last little baby and she is my baby. I try to see how she experiences the world through her older sister and my heart just melts thinking of what she'll become as I've watched my older grow. I can't explain it well but there is something SO special about her b/c she is the baby.

JillRock96 · September 2011

It just happens -- I promise. Especially since we were having two and Ava was only 18 months when they were born, I was freaking out. I thought for sure we were ruining her life and that I could never love another baby (let alone 2) as much as I love her. And while of course I loved the twins the second they were born, it did take a little bit more time to really bond with them. But now, 16 months out, I can say that my heart is full of love for each one of them. It's kind of like the grinch -- it feels like my heart has grown three sizes.

Cajun_gal · September 2011

itsmevkb:
It's amazing how your love can grow to cover as many little people as you have. You will always have a special connection to your first because they are your first, but in the same way, no other child will ever be your second and so you have that special connection with them.

I'll be honest, I didn't feel as "connected" to my second as I was to my first until around 18 months. I think for me it was that when my second was born my first was talking and could really communicate so I had someone to talk to and felt a bond with him that I couldn't get from the baby. It just seemed like I could do more with my oldest and we could talk about what we were doing and he could tell me what he wanted and needed, etc. Once my daughter was talking and moving around more that same bond came. That isn't to say I loved one more, it wasn't like that.

This exactly. While I love Braylon, I feel like I'm more "connected" to Dylan because I can communicate with him so much more and know his personality more. I feel more and more bonded to Braylon every day and when we had to bring him to the ER a month or so ago and the tests they were running, etc, my mommy instincts came in full force, and I was extremely protective over him and terrified of something happening to him. Your heart truly does grow, and seeing my two interact (as much as they can at this age) is already so amazing. Dylan will give Braylon pacifiers, bottles, kisses... It's the best, and I wouldn't change a thing.

CandT · September 2011

I totally understand where you are coming from. I think being surprised with #2 made this a little harder because we hadn't made that decision yet that we were ready for another one. I cried almost daily for the last few weeks before Q came knowing it was my last time I would do this or that alone with H. The day I left for my c section was so painful. I was sobbing saying good bye to H because I knew her life would never be the same and next time we saw each other all our lives will have changed. I was sad that she would never remember our special times when it was just us and I would have to share those memories with her or hold them near to my heart.

BUT later that day when she walked into my hospital room and saw her baby sister for the first time it was the best moment ever. Her face lit up and she jumped (with help) onto my lap and kissed me and the baby over and over again. I knew that moment that all our lives had just gotten that much better. I knew she was so excited to be a big sister and she already loved this little baby as much as I did. I haven't been sad for a single moment since then. I have already made an effort to spend special alone time with H and with Q and of course fun family time together.

H has changed so much just in 6 weeks (for the better). She has started to show so much more empathy and affection towards others. She has taken to her baby doll and treats her like a real baby. She cares so much about her baby sister it's amazing to watch. She has gotten jealous twice (when she was scared and once when she was sick), it lasted about 5 min until I picked them both up at the same time and she wrapped her arm around Q and layed down on my other shoulder and was fine.

I think it's only natural to worry about #1 the most right now and you will do so until you are holding that new baby, and then it will all change. That is so exciting that you are thinking about #2, I wish you the best in your decision and journey!!

close2it · September 2011

Great question!

For the first 8 or so months of Lily's life, I said I didn't want anymore kids because I couldn't possibly love someone like I love her and felt bad taking my attention away from her.

I've become a little more comfortable with the thought of more babies but can't say it doesn't still send me into panic mode sometimes.

It'll be interesting to see the responses you get.

Want a personalized experience?

Moms of 2+

Re: Moms of 2+

Choose Another Board

Search Boards