Reply on Mayim Bialik's blog. . .

SarahWC77 · September 2011

I normally just lurk around here because I really love to see the opinion of you ladies on baby-related things. I had to come out of hiding to get some opinions on this comment from Mayim Bialik's blog where she talks about maybe finally being ready to wean her three year old.

Now, I've considered myself to be a "crunchy" mom up to this point, if you want to put a label on it. I'm into baby-led weaning. I'm down with attachment parenting. I try to be open-minded. But this comment truly struck me as odd.

I remember my daughter telling me one day when she was four that my milk was gone. She didn't see that as a reason to stop nursing. Neither did I. There's milk and there's comfort and closeness. She still wanted the comfort and closeness.

Does anyone here know anyone who has continued to nurse even when there was no milk left?

Temp38995750004016 · September 2011

I agree with mullenem. It's just a part of a child's maturity and development to be able to comfort themselves. I love the closeness of BF too, but I want to connect with my daughter in other ways...like just cuddling her and singing or reading books.

I do know a woman who is still BF her three year old boy. She BF her first child this long (or longer), too. IMO if he's big enough to walk over and ask for it in proper English, he's probably too old!

I don't know enough about child development, but I wonder if this type of long term BF (in a non third world country) causes problems with the child's sexuality later on? Or maybe he will actually grow up to be a boob man. Stick out tongue

Relatedly, my dad is a rancher and raises cattle. He once bought a bull, a full sized huge animal. Put it in the corral with the cows to get them knocked-up and the bull wouldn't mount them...he nursed instead. It seems he was never actually weaned. Dad took him right back and got his money back, LOL.

melandjudd · September 2011

I agree with pook if they can come and ask for it then they should probably be weaned. With that being said there is a woman in my husband's office that nursed her son til he was 5 Indifferent

she said he would come home from school and ask to nurse to me that was WAY to long.

McAllie5 · September 2011

pook:
I agree with mullenem. It's just a part of a child's maturity and development to be able to comfort themselves. I love the closeness of BF too, but I want to connect with my daughter in other ways...like just cuddling her and singing or reading books.

I do know a woman who is still BF her three year old boy. She BF her first child this long (or longer), too. IMO if he's big enough to walk over and ask for it in proper English, he's probably too old!

I don't know enough about child development, but I wonder if this type of long term BF (in a non third world country) causes problems with the child's sexuality later on? Or maybe he will actually grow up to be a boob man.

Relatedly, my dad is a rancher and raises cattle. He once bought a bull, a full sized huge animal. Put it in the corral with the cows to get them knocked-up and the bull wouldn't mount them...he nursed instead. It seems he was never actually weaned. Dad took him right back and got his money back, LOL.

I already sense this may be a hot topic, but I'll weigh in.

Regarding the comment on the blog, I personally would not continue to nurse when there was no more milk. I would dole out the snuggles and closeness but the breasts would be put away.

I don't agree that when a child can ask for it then he shouldn't have it. I know you said "in perfect English", but all kids develop at different rates. I don't see the connection between the ability to ask for something and the necessity of nursing. My son already asks for it in his own way, as he has a specific fussing pattern that means he's hungry. Sometimes he gets there and just comfort nurses. When his language skills develop and he has different ways of asking, I'm not just going to cut him off arbitrarily.

I also disagree on the effect breastfeeding will have on sexuality as an adult. I guess I don't consider 3 years to be long term. I read somewhere that the majority of children will wean themselves between the ages of 2 and 4, given the chance. At that point, it may be just a couple feedings during the course of the day, or a single night time comfort/feed. The majority of nutrition is probably being taken in from solids, but what with breast milk's amazing properties I'm sure even a small bit will help.

Now if my son wants to wean himself earlier, then that's fine. I won't make him nurse. And if he continues to nurse for a few years then I may begin to encourage ways of comfort other than nursing to slowly wean him, especially if it's comfort based and not nutrition based. I'm sure I won't NIP and if he wants to nurse I'll probably ask him to wait and offer him some water or juice and a hug. But I really can't speak for myself until I actually get to that point, as every other step of this journey I've managed to surprise myself in my own opinions.

In regards to the bull (as an example of it affecting sexuality), if he was never weaned then yes, that makes sense that he would be different. I don't think that's equivalent to a three year old human nursing, though, as the human still has a number of years before even beginning to think of things in a sexual way. If the human nursed until the age of 16, then I would imagine that would definitely affect his sexual development. It is a funny story, though.

I realize I'm stirring the pot with this one, but I just wanted to say my piece.

jcsumm0 · September 2011

McAllie5:
pook:

I agree with mullenem. It's just a part of a child's maturity and development to be able to comfort themselves. I love the closeness of BF too, but I want to connect with my daughter in other ways...like just cuddling her and singing or reading books.

I do know a woman who is still BF her three year old boy. She BF her first child this long (or longer), too. IMO if he's big enough to walk over and ask for it in proper English, he's probably too old!

I don't know enough about child development, but I wonder if this type of long term BF (in a non third world country) causes problems with the child's sexuality later on? Or maybe he will actually grow up to be a boob man.

Relatedly, my dad is a rancher and raises cattle. He once bought a bull, a full sized huge animal. Put it in the corral with the cows to get them knocked-up and the bull wouldn't mount them...he nursed instead. It seems he was never actually weaned. Dad took him right back and got his money back, LOL.

I already sense this may be a hot topic, but I'll weigh in.

Regarding the comment on the blog, I personally would not continue to nurse when there was no more milk. I would dole out the snuggles and closeness but the breasts would be put away.

I don't agree that when a child can ask for it then he shouldn't have it. I know you said "in perfect English", but all kids develop at different rates. I don't see the connection between the ability to ask for something and the necessity of nursing. My son already asks for it in his own way, as he has a specific fussing pattern that means he's hungry. Sometimes he gets there and just comfort nurses. When his language skills develop and he has different ways of asking, I'm not just going to cut him off arbitrarily.

I also disagree on the effect breastfeeding will have on sexuality as an adult. I guess I don't consider 3 years to be long term. I read somewhere that the majority of children will wean themselves between the ages of 2 and 4, given the chance. At that point, it may be just a couple feedings during the course of the day, or a single night time comfort/feed. The majority of nutrition is probably being taken in from solids, but what with breast milk's amazing properties I'm sure even a small bit will help.

Now if my son wants to wean himself earlier, then that's fine. I won't make him nurse. And if he continues to nurse for a few years then I may begin to encourage ways of comfort other than nursing to slowly wean him, especially if it's comfort based and not nutrition based. I'm sure I won't NIP and if he wants to nurse I'll probably ask him to wait and offer him some water or juice and a hug. But I really can't speak for myself until I actually get to that point, as every other step of this journey I've managed to surprise myself in my own opinions.

In regards to the bull (as an example of it affecting sexuality), if he was never weaned then yes, that makes sense that he would be different. I don't think that's equivalent to a three year old human nursing, though, as the human still has a number of years before even beginning to think of things in a sexual way. If the human nursed until the age of 16, then I would imagine that would definitely affect his sexual development. It is a funny story, though.

I realize I'm stirring the pot with this one, but I just wanted to say my piece.

I lurk on here (my June baby was born in May) but I just had to give a Yes to the above. I don't know when I'll/we'll be ready to wean, but I don't judge other mothers for their choices.

mizzmeg · September 2011

This isn't very helpful, but this post reminds me of Grown Ups.

kacelle · September 2011

McAllie5:
pook:
I agree with mullenem. It's just a part of a child's maturity and development to be able to comfort themselves. I love the closeness of BF too, but I want to connect with my daughter in other ways...like just cuddling her and singing or reading books.
I do know a woman who is still BF her three year old boy. She BF her first child this long (or longer), too. IMO if he's big enough to walk over and ask for it in proper English, he's probably too old!
I don't know enough about child development, but I wonder if this type of long term BF (in a non third world country) causes problems with the child's sexuality later on? Or maybe he will actually grow up to be a boob man.
Relatedly, my dad is a rancher and raises cattle. He once bought a bull, a full sized huge animal. Put it in the corral with the cows to get them knocked-up and the bull wouldn't mount them...he nursed instead. It seems he was never actually weaned. Dad took him right back and got his money back, LOL.

I already sense this may be a hot topic, but I'll weigh in.
Regarding the comment on the blog, I personally would not continue to nurse when there was no more milk. I would dole out the snuggles and closeness but the breasts would be put away.
I don't agree that when a child can ask for it then he shouldn't have it. I know you said "in perfect English", but all kids develop at different rates. I don't see the connection between the ability to ask for something and the necessity of nursing. My son already asks for it in his own way, as he has a specific fussing pattern that means he's hungry. Sometimes he gets there and just comfort nurses. When his language skills develop and he has different ways of asking, I'm not just going to cut him off arbitrarily.
I also disagree on the effect breastfeeding will have on sexuality as an adult. I guess I don't consider 3 years to be long term. I read somewhere that the majority of children will wean themselves between the ages of 2 and 4, given the chance. At that point, it may be just a couple feedings during the course of the day, or a single night time comfort/feed. The majority of nutrition is probably being taken in from solids, but what with breast milk's amazing properties I'm sure even a small bit will help.
Now if my son wants to wean himself earlier, then that's fine. I won't make him nurse. And if he continues to nurse for a few years then I may begin to encourage ways of comfort other than nursing to slowly wean him, especially if it's comfort based and not nutrition based. I'm sure I won't NIP and if he wants to nurse I'll probably ask him to wait and offer him some water or juice and a hug. But I really can't speak for myself until I actually get to that point, as every other step of this journey I've managed to surprise myself in my own opinions.
In regards to the bull (as an example of it affecting sexuality), if he was never weaned then yes, that makes sense that he would be different. I don't think that's equivalent to a three year old human nursing, though, as the human still has a number of years before even beginning to think of things in a sexual way. If the human nursed until the age of 16, then I would imagine that would definitely affect his sexual development. It is a funny story, though.
I realize I'm stirring the pot with this one, but I just wanted to say my piece.

I agree with this. And, from a child development perspective, it doesn't cause sexuality issues later on (from cases I've seen) if children are taught that the breast's primary function is to feed babies and not made to feel like it'd be awkward for them to continue to nurse as a toddler. I personally wouldn't nurse once the milk was gone, but I don't think that doing so would cause any problems for the child.

melandjudd · September 2011

megbaby13:
This isn't very helpful, but this post reminds me of Grown Ups.

That's the first thing that came to my mind too.

nycdueinmay · September 2011

Like most are saying, I don't think I will continue to nurse once my milk is gone. I am in the group that does not really think it is weird, but I used to. I would like to wean DD before age 2, but it is worth noting that a child's immune system is not said to be fully developed unil age 5, so I don't judge any mom who wishes to continue nursing...

Some of the judgements, I think, get lumped in with people wanting their children to grow up faster than they are ready. What do you mean, she still nurses? What do you mean she doesn't use a cup yet, or read yet, or walking, etc? Some children are more sensative than others and may need to maintain that closeness with mom. And, a lot of times, when they are over 2, it seems to just be nursing to nap, nursing when they are not feeling well, nursing after they fall and bump their knee, nursing after a rough playdate or when they are overwhelmed... and I don't see anything wrong with any of those situations.

Then again, let's talk about it when I have a 3 year old who may or may not still be nursing.

dahansen85 · September 2011

I also agree with McAllie. And I don't like talking about weaning because it makes me feel sad (I think it will be hard for me to wean because of the bonding element of it). So that's my 2 cents and I'm out!

yaelandhal · September 2011

pook:
Relatedly, my dad is a rancher and raises cattle. He once bought a bull, a full sized huge animal. Put it in the corral with the cows to get them knocked-up and the bull wouldn't mount them...he nursed instead. It seems he was never actually weaned. Dad took him right back and got his money back, LOL.

Super interesting story!! Whether or not this applies to humans, we can definitely learn a lot about ourselves by observing animals. Too funny!

iris427 · September 2011

I nursed my daughter until she was around 2.5. Yes, she could ask for it by then. And I don't think I had much milk left--it was definitely a comfort thing for her by then.

It's not a big deal. Today she is a normal, well-adjusted 3 year old. I promise you, she is not scarred for life and she can self-soothe as well as any toddler can.

Breastfeeding into the toddler years is developmentally normal. It will not screw your kid up. They will not become some kind of needy sex fiend. Seriously people.

With that said, I think Mayim Bialik is a nutcase.

Temp38995750004016 · September 2011

yaelandhal:
pook:
Relatedly, my dad is a rancher and raises cattle. He once bought a bull, a full sized huge animal. Put it in the corral with the cows to get them knocked-up and the bull wouldn't mount them...he nursed instead. It seems he was never actually weaned. Dad took him right back and got his money back, LOL.
Super interesting story!! Whether or not this applies to humans, we can definitely learn a lot about ourselves by observing animals. Too funny!

Oh I don't think it applies to humans! I just think it's a hilarious story. I remember looking out the window saying, "Umm, is that bull eating?"

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