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Parenting
Father in Law wants to babysit, we don't want him to
My FIL wants to watch our kids, ages almost 2 and 9 months. Although his heart is in the right place he has absolutely no parental instinct. Even my husband, his son, agrees. He literally sits and watches the kids, doesn't play, doesn't nurture. His reaction time is very slow so the kids often get hurt while in his care. Nothing major, just little bumps and bruises. When they cry, he has no idea how to console them.
How do I explain to a very sweet grandfather that we do not want him to watch our children?
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Re: Father in Law wants to babysit, we don't want him to
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
We've lived this....
My FIL (moreso than MIL) expressed a LOT how he'd like to watch DS. My parents watch him 2 days a week and FIL wanted to also help out w/ daycare.
But the list is long as to why we both (as w/ you, DH is totally on the same page) just aren't comfortable with this. They are very well-meaning, but they are in their 70's, MIL is NOT in good health, FIL is more limited than I think he wants to admit, he's forgetful, and their ability to be on time is non-existant.
Initially, we just kind of put it off. "Oh, thanks, but we're good", etc. Eventually, though, DH finally had to very gently tell his dad that due to DS's speed and mobility and inability to communicate (at the time, just due to age), he just didn't think it would work out. He specifically put it out there to his dad about his mom - she simply isn't physically capable of keeping up w/ DS, and FIL did acknowledge that.
It was a hard conversation to have, but it ended up being necessary. DS 's safety is more important to us than their feelings.
DH did say "maybe in a couple years when DS is older and can talk", and in all honesty, I'm kind of getting to a point where I wouldn't be adverse to that. It's still a little ways off, but I could see by next summer being comfortable with them watching him for a few hours.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Okay, I agree with bubs and not just because she made me laugh.
If your kid fell and blood was pouring out his head, what would FIL do? Base it on that, not a little bruise. My kids are forever covered in bruises. It's part of being a kid. No, maybe he's not as attentive as you'd like, but it sounds like he takes an interest in your children. CAN he care for them, even in an emergency? Geez, not everyone has to be as perfect as you. My husband does things that I wouldn't do and doesn't do things that I would do, but that's life. Same with my IL's, but I leave my kids with them (I do not leave my kids alone with my MIL as she honestly could not and would not respond in an emergency).
Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, not just because he's not all you want him to be.