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2nd Trimester
niknak1128
member
Update- Lost my baby at 19 weeks.
niknak1128
member
Good Morning Ladies. I have not been on in a few days and just wanted to give an update to those of you who listened and replied to my recent posts.
My water broke Wednesday afternoon and I was admitted. On ultrasound, there was virtually no fluid around the baby and very little to no chance of making it to a viable state. After that, my placenta ruptured and delivery was inevitable. I delivered my second son yesterday evening around 7:10pm. We named him Benjamin and he will always be in my heart. He was 9 inches and less than half a lb. The nurses and doctors were amazing and I'm not sure that I could be upright typing this note without their support. My friends and family were amazing as well and I had continuous support around me.
I hope that none of you ever have to experience what I had to go through the last few days. I am heartbroken and devastated. It is definitely the most traumatic event I have ever had to withstand. The hospital does put together a memory box of foot prints and hand prints and pictures which I did take with me. You can choose to see the baby and hold the baby which I did before I was discharged. DH did not wish to see him, he was far too upset and he felt that it may make it worse for him. He did not want me to see him either but I felt that I could not just disregard the fact that I gave birth to a son and I could not just toss him aside without saying goodbye and holding him and spending a few minutes with him. Of course, he was stillborn. There was a heartbeat as of late yesterday but shortly before I delivered, he passed away. There are volunteers who knit hats and blankets for premature, early delivered babies. So they brought him wrapped and in a hat like any other baby would be. It was almost impossible to get through but I managed to do it with the help of my two amazing nurses who held my hand and cried with me. I don't think I've ever cried so much in all my life and I pray that I never have to again.
The doctor's do not believe that this will have an impact on my becoming pregnant again. There were no obvious abnormalities that they could find. They ddi suspect that Benjamin had an infection but could not confirm it. His heartbeat was unusually high during ultrasound but was not consistently that way so they could not say for certain that infection was true. I did have bacterial vaginosis which I'm medicated for and they say that could have been the cause as well. The cord had two supply lines instead of three which they called a 'variation of norm' and said that they typically would not be concerned about that. Otherwise, they felt it was just spontaneous.
At this point, all I can do is grieve and be grateful for the loving support of so many people and for the amazing healthy little boy that I already have at home.
I wish all of you the best. Please take care of yourselves and I pray that none of you will ever have to feel this pain. I thank you all for supporting me and responding to my posts and being there. As mothers, I think we can all imagine what this would be like and it's just awful.
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Re: Update- Lost my baby at 19 weeks.
1st cycle diagnosed with slight hypothyroidism. Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFN
2nd cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFN
3rd cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, ovulated with out tigger. BFN
4th cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFP!!!
EDD 12/31/2011 ----- actual birthday 01/05/2012
Surprise BFP! - EDD 10/14/2013
I'm sorry about the loss of your son at 19 weeks.
I lost my twins last year at 23 weeks and my heart still aches for them everyday.
If you ever want to talk to someone who's been thru it please don't hesitate to PM me. I would also check out the Miscarridge/ Pregnancy loss board as they were my rock when I felt like I could not go on. And the girl of TTCAL are the ones who got me thru trying to get pregnant again.
I wish you alot of comfort in the coming days.
DD1: allergic to eggs & dairy
c/p 4/1/11
DD2: milk and soy protein intolerant, allergic to eggs, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, bananas
MSPI Moms Check-In Blog
hugs and prayers to you as i know your pain all too well. Benjamin has joined a large group of angel babies....that all our loved ones who have gone before are rocking and taking care of. That is the only way that i find comfort in my loss.
i will tell my Catherine to keep her eyes open for an angel baby named Benjamin. Prayers for you that you find comfort again sometime soon.
DC#2 born silent at 22 weeks 1.11.11
Dc#3 born vbac 1/2012 <bra DC#4 born VBAC 3/2014
Beta #1: 268 (16dpo) ~ Progesterone 54 ~ Beta #2: 541 (18dpo)
Mama Jan's Kitchen... a food blog
I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy. I sadly know only too well how you are feeling right now (see my siggy) and I wish that you did not have to go through this.
Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel; grieving is a process and some days are going to be better than others.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Please feel free to private message me if you need to chat.
By lilenatalem at 2012-01-28
I am so sorry for your loss! I cannot even imagine...
My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and beautiful baby Benjamin.Breastfeeding and pregnant!