So my hope was that we would have conceived already and my mom would retire and be our child care. Well mom retired almost a year ago and no grandchild to watch. So she decided she's bored and wants some extra money so she got a job babysitting 2 days a week for a 8wk old. It's all she talks about. Today she told me...
"I just feel so good about this. X and X both lost their moms and now I'm like a mom to them. And now I have a grandson"
I cried. I didn't even know what to say to her. I was kinda snippy when I said "well sorry I can't provide you with a real grandchild" and she just said "Oh, it will happen it god's time". Which gets me going even more because she knows I don't have a religious bone in my body.
I mean, how can I deal with this when my own mother makes these types of comments?
Re: What can I even say?
I am so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. It sounds exactly like my mom and unfortunately I have no good ideas on how to deal. She was waiting to retire, waiting for me to get pregnant and continued working an extra 2 years, telling me all the time how much she wants to retire so we NEED to get pg. so she can be a "granny nanny". Then she proceeds to tell me about how she is the surrogate grandma to these babies who I don't even know and how she spends all this time with them, WTF! Oh, and she tells anyone who will listen about my IF, because she thinks it affects her as much as me because it is keeping her from being a grandma. I get random "thinking of you and your situation", and "praying for you" from people who know my mom that I hardly know at all. I had to have a sit down with her and let her know that it is inappropriate and she still didn't get it.
You might just want to tell her how it makes you feel and tell her that it's great that she can have her baby-fix, but that it hurts you to hear about it and that from now on you don't want any of your converstations to be about pregnant people or babies. Good Luck!
TTC #1 since 5/10
BFP #1 7/22/11 - EDD 4/2/11 - M/C 8/15/11 (7w0d)
BFP #2 9/23/11 - EDD 6/5/12 ♥It's a Girl♥
BFP #3 2/20/13 - EDD 11/2/13 ♥It's a Girl♥
Oh man that sucks!!!! I swear that people just have no clue sometimes! DH & I got into a discussion with his parents at dinner last night. MIL said "just relax & it'll happen". I snapped a little bit & reminded her that the doctor's appointment that she had to drive me to after my neck surgery was the RE & that I wouldn't be going to a RE if it was as simple as "just relaxing"! After they left, DH said that she was just trying to be supportive & that most people just don't know what to say. I told him that I was letting him know & to tell as many people as he needed to that you NEVER tell people that are having issues TTC to "just relax" & that it was one of the most frustrating things to hear.
I'm sorry that she's not more sensitive to what you're going through. You always have us though. ((hugs))
Chandler 11/2000 ~ Bronwyn 6/2002 ~ Grayson 3/2010 ~ Matilda/Till 6/2012
BFP 10/20/11 ::sticky dust::
BFP 9/11/11 - m/c 9/25/11 5w5d
ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive. Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)
DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!
HSG: good; Estradiol: 62 FSH: 4.4
AMH: 0.75 Progesterone: 9
DH: Volume: 1.2 Motility 34
Concentration: 39.6 Morphology: 5
Looking at IUI in Nov
Sorry to hear about the comments your Mom is making.
Sometimes I think our parents just say something without realizing how it really sounds. I'm hoping she wasn't saying it to upset you. My Mom's best friend is impatiently waiting for my DH and I to have a baby because she will become an honorary Grandma (her son doesn't have children and never will). As if I don't feel enough pressure from my parents and my IL's - I have her as well. But I know she's not hinting on us having a baby soon to hurt me, but because she knows it's something my DH and I want almost more than life it's self.
I hope things get better and your Mom starts to realize that what she is saying isn't helping, but hurting you more.
Me: 40, Husband: 33
After an emergency D&C on Nov 8, 2011, we are giving up hope of ever becoming pregnant.
PAIF/SAIF Welcome
Wow, that really stinks. My mom says hurtful things all the time, so I totally understand.
Now I just don't talk to my mom about IF at all. I don't think she really cares if we have kids, she just feels left out that all of her friends have grandkids and she doesn't.
You have to protect yourself from selfish, inconsiderate people. Put up a wall and don't let her into that part of your life for awhile. Hopefully she'll see how hurtful she's being.