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Parenting
TriciaChick
member
Does your husband still give you the butterflies in your stomach feeling?
TriciaChick
member
in Parenting
I admit that I really miss this feeling. I love my husband but we get so caught up in the day to day taking care of kids stuff etc that we end up fighting about small stuff like who gets more sleep etc. (He is a cop and works 6pm-6am and I work 8-noon 3 day s a week.) Our schedules do not allow for us to see each other much because one of us is always sleeping when the other is awake caring for the kids. If we do see each other I feel like we should be battling some project around the house or planning an outing with the kids. He is very good about verbalizing how much he loves me and complimenting me etc but I seem to have lost that in the midst of day to day life because there is so much other stuff to focus on (I know that sounds bad!)! I know we need to do date nights but just paying someone to watch 3 kids on top of paying for a night out seems so overwhelming....any other ideas? Thans!
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Re: Does your husband still give you the butterflies in your stomach feeling?
I know it isn't eas to work out but date nights really are the best. Sometimes dates at home can be worked out. But if that's too hard to fit into your schedule, even family dates can help. I usually like DH a lot more when we're all out having fun somewhere.
Fake it 'til you make it! It's key!
Honestly, I could sit here right now and allow myself the butterflies. But I have to WILL it to happen. It's not just going to happen, at this point, 9 years (and 2 kids) in to marriage.
(I am able to do this same thing with Donnie Wahlberg, just for the record).
But I see it on the same level. Of course I'm a 35 year old woman. I'm rational (most of the time! LOL). But I will ACT like a 13 yr old irrational lovestruck girl when it comes to DW. I apply that same logic to Joe.
For example, I think of his legs. They are so muscular. OMG - he has bangin' legs. And his butt? Yes, he is one of few men that I know that actually has a butt. A nice one at that. It's like a football butt. And he loves me SOOO much! And him, on the Harley, sunglasses on. Cut off shirt. YAY!
See...butterflies are forming.
Butterflies, while they float in your stomach, they are formed in your head! Start creating them!
First of all, I agree with Jodi. It doesn't come as easy as it did in the beginning, and that's okay.
Second, if you can't find time to go out, have a date at your house. Put the kids to bed, fix a nice meal that you wouldn't share with your kids, share a bottle of wine or two, watch a movie you love or sit on the porch and talk. Get creative!
Sometimes? lol
I'm very much still in love with him, but I understand the grind of daily life and commitments and not getting much alone time. We're still figuring out our morning routine with two kids to get ready (just two days for one of them) for school, but on those two days we also have to get the smaller two dressed/fed/teeth brushed quickly because we have to drive N to preschool. H's schedule is very irregular in the a.m.s, so I can't rely on him to always help, but he needs to help when he's here. He just sees me getting it taken care of so he stays out of our way - then I just get frustrated.....so I understand the argument part also.
We eat out about once a weekend because when H is around (he still works 8-12 or more hours on Sat/Sun) the last thing I want to do is to be stuck in the kitchen. It's more enjoyable for us both to go out and chat with the kids, eat, not have clean-up, and go do another activity or run an errand together.
Maybe trade babysitting with another friend, or family member....or just take them with you. Part of what makes me love my H even more is how engaged he is with the kids and him having fun with them.....so it doesn't have to be alone time for us to get 'refreshed' so to speak.
you are not alone, although I think I'm the first to reply this way
. DH works an odd shift so the morning routine is all me. I pick up and drop off to daycare and work all day. Because of DHs schedule he sleeps the greater part of the afternoon and tries to get up when we get home. His schedule makes me a little irritable most days because I feel like he's got a lot of free time on his hands and is not doing his share at home and that makes me not have butterflies nor do I want to have them. That doesn't mean that when I'm not crabby we don't have fun together and we don't enjoy our family time. Lately it seems that when we get to go out alone it's to a planned function (wedding or work event) and not just to have fun so that doesn't help. I also don't think that just because we don't have butterflies that we're doomed. It's a lot of work though!
is your DH a cop in the city where you live? Just curious. I have a few neighbors who are cops - birmingham, warren, RO.
Yeah, it is hard to have just dating or newlywed butterflies, especially when you have kids. But like the others mentioned, I don't like when he's gone, I look forward to seeing him and talking to him at the end of the day. I do think that getting time alone, away from the kids, is a wonderful thing and makes you feel that spark again. One of the best times my dh and I ever had was we went away for a weekend, just the two of us, when R was about 2. We didn't do anything too special, but it was awesome to just go shopping or out to dinner without kids; by the second day, I almost felt like we were back in college and dating.
I also think my perspective has changed. Sure, I still think he's good looking and everything I felt about him before, but now, to see him being a great dad to our kids; that gives me butterflies.
Thank you all for your advice! I think many of you are right, I need to start willing myself to feel them. When we were dating, I was so creative with little gifts/notes and planning dates etc.... I think devoting energy to that is very important for our family so I just need to make that commitment and stop worrying so much about the laundry and other household stuff.
CTF...I am glad I am not the only one! I get so frusterated with his sleep schedule at times yet I know it is not really his fault;( I feel like I have to do way more between work and the kids and the house along with being up with a 4 month old who is still up every 2 hrs. But he gets lots of straight sleep and "winding down" time after work. Again I try to focus on the fact that he works more hours than me and does not really have control of his schedule. Yep he is a cop in this area. Where in MI are you?
DD 1/29/07 -
I'm in Macomb. 23/Card. We almost built in Chesterfield.
DH doesn't have control of his schedule either and he works very few hours (just really early) and lots of weekend nights, but the nature of his job is much different than mine. It's easy, without question. I knew that when we married, I just didn't know how hard it would be once we had kids.
I think in your case having a new baby doesn't help the situation. It will get better!!
Yes, but we've had to work on our relationship. For a while, it wasn't happening. Now that we get out by ourselves occasionally or make time for an in-home 'date' after our daughter goes to bed, we are back to our old selves.
I know that's not really an option for you right now with the schedules that you both have. Hm. I'd definitely do notes, cards, etc. It's so nice to find a note from DH while I'm at work
sometimes if we are meeting up somewhere and he smiles at me...there might be a flutter or two then.
but the butterflies of our dating days were all about the anticipation of the unknown and, now, well I'm living the dream
so less butterflies but I can confidently say he is my favorite person.
same here
exH? Not so much!
If he didn't, I'd be telling you to call thatshit off right now!!
That would have been useful advice 4 years ago at this time!!