Single Parents

::achase::

As usual, your latest blog post is my exact situation.  It's uncanny how much our XH's seem to be twins separated at birth.  He always twists the situation and words to his distored view in order to justify blaming me.

XH called me 4 times between 11pm and 8am the other night.  When I didn't answer the first time, he then sent accusatory texts about how I am doing an awful job about keeping him informed of how his son is. (Silly me, I thought the phone and email system worked both ways!)  I then sent a matter-of-fact email to him the next morning laying out the following:

1. There is nothing worthy of relaying to him this week in terms of LO.  He's not sick, he hasn't had any "firsts".  B's fine and I'm not going to report to him every day for the next decade.

2. I will not be answering his calls at 11pm, nor will I drop everything to answer or call him back.  I have asked SEVERAL times for him not to do this, yet he fails to understand and continues to do it.

3. The phone works both ways.  If he wants to know something, call & ask.  If there is something he needs to know regarding LO, I will call him ASAP.

4. I will not tolerate him calling me incessently at those hours and retaliating when I do not answer.

I swear I'm dealing with a juvenile who thinks rules are made to be broken or don't apply to him. 

Anyway, I've rambled on incessently, but just wanted to tell you that you continue to hit the nail on the head when it comes to manipulators.  And I agree, you get lost in the fog until you're completely OUT of it for good. 

 

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Re: ::achase::

  • Sorry. I'm nosey. :) All 3 of our Exs must have been separated from birth.. I think we need to manage to plan a single mamas meet up.
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  • Agree about the meetup!

    Thanks for the compliments about the blog.  Remember, you have laid out the details in the email (print a copy for documentation) and now you don't need to waste any more energy on that.  Really, between 11pm and 8am?  Those aren't even hours when you should be expected to give him a response.  That's when the normal world SLEEPS.  And, you have a child, that's not even remotely considerate to disrupt their time of rest.  Ironic how he was trying to say that getting ahold of you during those hours was about your child.  Father of the Year, he sounds like!

    99.9999999% of the time whatever he is threatening, he won't follow through on, even if he DID have a leg to stand on (which he doesn't). 

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  • Motion to meetup passes unanimously.  I think we're in 3 different time zones though, so easier said than done!

    Yes, XH is a character... at least I'll never be bored and have a routine when it comes to interacting with him.  The last time we talked (of course it STARTED out talking about B, he was super nice so I figured something was up) he tried to convince me that if I start dating someone that I should give him "a heads up."  Um...really?  Sorry bucko.  I'm not your puppet anymore and you don't get to know or decide anything about me.  Don't try to twist it into it being in LO's best interests for me to tell you my business.  I didn't get a say in you getting back with your OW coworker, nor do I want one or care.  I can tell it's already driving him batty.  Love it!

     

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  • imageCPA04:

    Motion to meetup passes unanimously.  I think we're in 3 different time zones though, so easier said than done!

    Yes, XH is a character... at least I'll never be bored and have a routine when it comes to interacting with him.  The last time we talked (of course it STARTED out talking about B, he was super nice so I figured something was up) he tried to convince me that if I start dating someone that I should give him "a heads up."  Um...really?  Sorry bucko.  I'm not your puppet anymore and you don't get to know or decide anything about me.  Don't try to twist it into it being in LO's best interests for me to tell you my business.  I didn't get a say in you getting back with your OW coworker, nor do I want one or care.  I can tell it's already driving him batty.  Love it!

     

    Yes, agreed on the meet-up!

    Soooo, SD did try the same tactic.  He said that I needed to let him know who I was dating (even if I was just watching a movie with someone after P was asleep) because that person would be in the same house as his child.  Nice try...so does that mean anytime someone comes over (the mailman, cable guy, friend of a friend) that I need to text you and let you know that a new person is under the same roof as your child?  nope.  No dice.

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  • imageachase123:
    imageCPA04:

    Motion to meetup passes unanimously.  I think we're in 3 different time zones though, so easier said than done!

    Yes, XH is a character... at least I'll never be bored and have a routine when it comes to interacting with him.  The last time we talked (of course it STARTED out talking about B, he was super nice so I figured something was up) he tried to convince me that if I start dating someone that I should give him "a heads up."  Um...really?  Sorry bucko.  I'm not your puppet anymore and you don't get to know or decide anything about me.  Don't try to twist it into it being in LO's best interests for me to tell you my business.  I didn't get a say in you getting back with your OW coworker, nor do I want one or care.  I can tell it's already driving him batty.  Love it!

     

    Yes, agreed on the meet-up!

    Soooo, SD did try the same tactic.  He said that I needed to let him know who I was dating (even if I was just watching a movie with someone after P was asleep) because that person would be in the same house as his child.  Nice try...so does that mean anytime someone comes over (the mailman, cable guy, friend of a friend) that I need to text you and let you know that a new person is under the same roof as your child?  nope.  No dice.

    Yet another example of them being cut from the same cloth!  XH also requested that since I'll be going out all the time and leaving B with a babysitter (because I have all the time in the world to meet and date men while working more than full time and raising a child on my own) that I also tell him when I will be leaving B with a babysitter and who it is so he can approve it.  XH rationalized it by reminding me that I told him that he should plan so he doesn't have to get a babysitter during the 2 overnights a month he has with B.  B LIVES with me full time - he VISITS you a few hours a month.  Big difference!

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