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Childless not by choice
huskerbaby
member
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How do you decide that it's the end of the line?
huskerbaby
member
I'm struggling to decide our next steps.
I'm sure there are people here for other reasons outside of just plain infertility, but my question I guess is more specific to those with infertility and who have gone through at least some kind of treatment.
Here's me in a nutshell: married for 11 years, 4 IUI's, IVF (fail- no retrieval), IVF (success! pre-e caused a stillbirth at 32 weeks), IVF (fail- retrieval, no fert.), IVF (fail- retrieval, 2 embies- stopped developing at 4 days, no transfer).
I have a sister who is willing to surrogate, but I didn't think she'd have to be a donor too- so essentially (since I can't provide any good eggs it would seem) it would be her and my husband's child which is just a little creepy. I'm sure I could get past it, but that would take some time.
Is it inappropriate to ask my RE for a free cycle after 2 failures? They do not do any kind of package programs or anything there. I know I don't want to give up trying, but I guess I'm stuck in limbo. I just can't get past the money issue- We are completely OOP for all meds and procedures and as of today I'm paying off $16K in loans to chase something that may never happen, realistically.
What would you do? Or what have you done?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you decide that it's the end of the line?
First of all I'm SO very sorry you are here and what you've gone through. I think every couple will have their own breaking point and you'll know when you are there. Sulfa gave really good advice - maybe take some time off to think about your next steps.
Personally my DH and I were tired of feeling like our lives revolved around IF. I was depressed, he was frustrated and we weren't "living" our lives anymore. We were on a cycle of hope, treatment, BFN and disappointment - and struggling financially.
I can say honestly that when the decision was finally made it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't in limbo anymore. Is it easy? No way. I still mourn the children we won't have. But I am learning to celebrate and be happy with the little family of 2 (5 with our pets!) that we are.
Best of luck to you!
We have been through several IUIs and IVFs including 2 IVFs with an egg donor. After all of the failures, I was always ready to try again. I always wondered how we would know "enough is enough". Most recently, we had a DE cycle end in m/c after seeing the heartbeat. It was like something switched off in me. Instead of wanting to keep trying as in the past, all of a sudden, I have no interest in continuing to try. I am not sure what happened, but all of a sudden I feel differently.
I know that it is still kind of soon after the m/c, so maybe something will change, but I really doubt it. I am just tired of it all. I am so tired of the cycling, the meds, the emotions, and focusing on what I don't have in my life. I want to focus on everything that I do have now. I want to live my life normally.
I am sad, but I feel good at the same time. I am not sure if that makes sense. It just feels good not to focus on it anymore.
Best of luck to you!
It is a question I have asked myself a ton of times in the past year esp. I'm thinking I will feel the way Holly does....that there will be a point that you will just know it is over and I "will" make peace with the situation.
I have that internal voice talkin' to me constantly. I always say if money were no object and IVF were totally free ....there still are no guarantees the outcomes may still be BFN.
5 cycles of Clomid with satisfactory response=BFN's
Fibroid removal Nov2010
IUI Clomid #1 Feb 2011...BFN..damn it!
IUI Inject's #2 Apr 2011...CANCELLED...low estradiol
IUI Inject's #3 June 2011...BFN
IUI Inject's #4 Sept2011...BFFN
Lap Dec 2011...severe endo..cyst removed..some remains...
IVF#1 Apr 2012 ....cancelled due to over suppression
IVF#2 July 2012....6 follies...only 1 retrieved....BFFN
surgery suggested to move ovary to an better placement but....we moved two time zones away and are financially and emotionally empty
I hope it is ok to post because I am with Holly. I have had 5 IUI's, 2 cancelled IVF's (ovulated through the meds on one, other one cancelled the day before retrieval) and a failed DE cycle (14 eggs retrieved, zero fertilized). We are pursuing adoption but have put an end date on that of one year. I feel a small piece of peace knowing that I will have no more IF failures.
DH and I are "taking our lives back". Our lives are no longer on hold waiting for the next test, next procedure, the next failure. I know in my heart this board is where I will be. I am ok with that. I just want my life back!!! I have made peace with that.
on a side note, Holly, my eyes were teary when I saw your post sweetie! I have missed your "face" . I am so happy to see you again!!!
Hi Baze-ette! I miss you too! Sorry to see you here. Best of luck with your adoption journey.
We are still in the trying phase, but I have saved several articles and such about this, because I know once that time comes it's difficult to admit you're being confronted with it.
Hopefully some of these will be of help to you:
Resolve Closure and Moving On
Resolve When to End Treatment
Addicted to Hope for a Child
Making the Decision to End Treatment
Personally speaking we have two more shots at IVF-ICSI that are paid 50% by insurance. If it doesn't work for us in the first two I'd consider stopping, but we'd probably end up using all three just so we would never question things and feel as though we've really exhausted our resources. We'll likely know in the next 6-9 months if we're going to have a child or not.
Best of Luck to you! I hope you can find peace and realize that your life is wonderful even without children.
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
I f it were me I would make a joke of it and see what the RE says. Like, do you offer a buy 2 get one free deal? I guess it would just be easier for me to make light of the situation than dread it.
After we had testing done on our lost LO, we just knew it was it. The results were grim and even though we had gotten pregnant without the use of treatment, the Dr. said that was a freak accident.
We want a baby, we do. We just don't think it is worth the risk of it being a child with syndrome. It feels wrong to bring a child into this world, because of our wants, who may never get to actually live a life of purpose. It was a hard choice but it is the best choice for us.
Adoption was ruled out for us based on my med school loans and hospital bills. Again, seems selfish to want something so much that we "buy it" regardless of what that my due for that child's future with us being broke.
You just get to a point when you realize, you have to start living again. I tell myself over and over..."I am complete with my husband. Our relationship is what I've wanted my whole life. Kids would have just been an added bonus."