How Do You Tell Someone She's A Bad Mom?
My sister just had a baby, Presley Madison, she's barely 8 weeks old. When she got pregnant, I really thought she was going to be an amazing mom, she has a knack for being really nurturing, caring, and maternal. But once she had her...I learned I was terribly wrong.
Within the first month, she had taken her out in public to a house party no less with people drinking and most likely smoking. She let friend's children around her, touching her and playing with her, when they likely haven't washed their hands, she would have her out all hours of the evening running errands when she our family ready and available to babysit so Presley wouldn't be exposed to any airborne illnesses or anything that could make her ill because she's so young. But it doesn't stop there, she would lash out as us or Presley when she became frustrated, or annoyed, and worse would threaten to take her from us if we criticized her for the very poor parenting choices she would make including not changing her diaper for hours or changing her clothes when she had accidents or even bathing her more than every 2 days. She would tell us that she gave birth to Presley and therefore she could do what she pleased.
We chocked it up to post-partum depression because she said she had it. She was given medication that she never took, and complained about self esteem which we all understood, but low self esteem didn't stop her from going clubbing with friends all hours of the night, knowing the baby needed to be fed every 2 hours, and partying with unfavorable people. Within the time she turned 8 weeks, she's complained that we imply she's a bad mom when we tell her Presley needs to be changed or fed because she chooses to party and sleep. Now her problem is that she has a friend who leaches off of her. Take last night for example, she went to a club until 4 in the morning, came home, slept and woke up at 8 in the morning so she could pick up her unemployed with several children and no car friend to an appointment. And since 8 this morning she's been gone. Presley had two accidents where poo actually was on her legs and her back, and my sister Lyla, took her with her to this "errand" without a bath or even a change of clothes. Presley has been out all day unbathed from the poo that was on her, and unchanged. As if that weren't sad enough, she had her out in this California heatwave, so her leach friend and kids could swim at her house, and now she is at yet another party, a loud houseparty with drinking and smoking with her and it's 9 pm.
These things are not an every so often occurrence, these are a near daily occurrence that include not changing her for hours, taking her out all day and leaving her in the stroller all day long, not letting her rest or have one day in the comfort of a home she's at this point barely known, poor hygiene with sporadic bathing, and just an overall sense of pure selfishness that I never expected. She will not put Presley first if its not suitable for herself, she makes decisions that benefit herself, she's beyond lazy with Presley but makes a point to spend hours on herself, she neglects Presley's needs because she feels like she gave birth so she can, and she refuses to hear anything about her parenting or she gets offended, my grandparents, aunts, uncles have all expressed to my mom her poor parenting just from spending half a day with her, if that's not embarrassing I dont know what is.
Sorry this is like a novel, but my question is, how do I tell her she is a bad mother and she needs to get it together, because at this point, I strongly feel my niece's welfare is at a stake with a mother like Lyla. I don't know if this is part of the ppd, but I do know that even bad mothers aren't this bad. Someone please give me some advice!!!!!!!!
Re: How Do You Tell Someone She's A Bad Mom?
I hate to say it, but if it really is that bad, then call CPS. See if you can work something out with them where you or another family member can take custody of the baby until her mom decides to clean up. And where is the baby's father in all of this?
Telling her she's a bad mother isn't going to help anything, and I think you know that.
Some of the initial things you stated aren't that big a deal. Plenty of people take their kids outside in the first weeks of life, and it's no problem. And plenty of people go more and a day between baths for kids who are so small. DD still only gets a bath every other day.
The rest of it is extremely alarming, though. But what seems to have happened is that you guys all told your sister what she was doing wrong, and now she's on the defensive and has shut you down.
She may indeed have PPD, or she may just not care, or she may be taking drugs or getting drunk, or who knows what. I agree that a call to CPS is in order at this point. If they take your niece away from your sister, it sound like there is a lot of family willing to step in to take custody.
GL
The first point, taking a month old baby out to a party is not necessarily bad mothering. It's a matter of opinion. IF there was smoking in the home that's another story.
Second point, having a new baby out and around kids is also not necessarily bad mothering. When you have other kids or have no choice but to be out sometimes it can't be helped.
The rest is awful.(beyond awful) I would not bother telling her she was a bad mother because she won't listen and she may hate you for it.(resent you) I would report her directly. Let them give her a wake up call. If the child was in danger I would not waste time.
I'm sorry for everyone involved. It sounds like your sister realized she wasn't quite ready to give up her previous lifestyle. She isn't going to listen to family at this point though. Someone needs to get involved immediately.