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June 2011 Moms
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What should I say?

nirern626nirern626 member
in June 2011 Moms
My BFF found put she was pg a few weeks ago. They haven't been able to find a HB yet when there should have been one. Her betas are also not doubling appropriately. Her dr told her it is most likely not a viable pregnancy. If there is no change by next tues he wants to do a d&c. She is 35 with thyroid issues and stage 2 endo so she was thrilled to conceive after only 3 mos. My heart is breaking for her. I've never gone through anything like what she's experiencing. I want to offer her the most love and support I can without being a painful reminder. Any advice is welcome.
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Re: What should I say?

  • Soxgirl07Soxgirl07 member

    Yikes! What a horrible situation, I am so sorry for her.

    I would probably stay broad, but supportive. It's not like she's going to forget her situation anyway. I would probably tell her that while I know I can't fully understand how she feels, I want to be there for her for whatever she needs. I would offer to talk, to take her out for a distraction and just put the ball in her court as to what she needs from you. 

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  • cvl105cvl105 member
    imageSoxgirl07:

    Yikes! What a horrible situation, I am so sorry for her.

    I would probably stay broad, but supportive. It's not like she's going to forget her situation anyway. I would probably tell her that while I know I can't fully understand how she feels, I want to be there for her for whatever she needs. I would offer to talk, to take her out for a distraction and just put the ball in her court as to what she needs from you. 

    I agree with this. Good advice.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • thatgirl84thatgirl84
    I also agree. I hope that everything turns out for her, but it doesn't sound good. I know the last thing I would want to hear is "you can try again." People tend to say that when someone m/c's or even when someone loses a child, and it's an understandable thought to someone not going through it, but not to the person going through it. 'I'm sorry,' and simply being there and going out with her to bring her out of a depressive mood is the best bet. Again, I really hope it is a viable pregnancy. Many T & P's!
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  • hepcatshepcats member
    imageSoxgirl07:

    Yikes! What a horrible situation, I am so sorry for her.

    I would probably stay broad, but supportive. It's not like she's going to forget her situation anyway. I would probably tell her that while I know I can't fully understand how she feels, I want to be there for her for whatever she needs. I would offer to talk, to take her out for a distraction and just put the ball in her court as to what she needs from you. 

    Perfect.

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  • nirern626nirern626 member
    Thank you ladies. It's such a terribly sad thing, no one should be in her position.
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  • jehnmjehnm

    Just want to add that sometimes contact through email is the "easiest" way to handle well meaning friends.  For the person who is going through a difficult time, if they get an email, they know friends are thinking of them and they can respond when they are ready.  Also, it stops her from hearing any sounds of your little one in the background if you are on the phone. 

     One thing I really struggled with was when I would be going through a really difficult time with infertility was calling to talk to one of my friends, on a rare occasion that I wanted to talk, that had kids and then there baby would be fussing and they would basically not be able to listen to me at all.  It was a double whammy. 

    A card in the mail is something that is rarely done these days, but also meaningful!

    TTC #1 since 12/07 SA 9/08=borderline normal HSG 1/09 found R tube blocked Multiple IUIs both with oral and injectible drugs from 2/09-2/11 Started domestic adoption process in 5/10, homestudy complete 9/10 Failed adoption after home with baby for 2 weeks 11/10 Blessed through the miracle of private adoption with a son, born 6/6/11 (his grandma's bday) 7lbs 9oz 20.5 inches long! So worth the wait!
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  • bunnymama625bunnymama625 member
    imagehepcats:
    imageSoxgirl07:

    Yikes! What a horrible situation, I am so sorry for her.

    I would probably stay broad, but supportive. It's not like she's going to forget her situation anyway. I would probably tell her that while I know I can't fully understand how she feels, I want to be there for her for whatever she needs. I would offer to talk, to take her out for a distraction and just put the ball in her court as to what she needs from you. 

    Perfect.

    Yes

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  • nirern626nirern626 member
    imagejehnm:

    Just want to add that sometimes contact through email is the "easiest" way to handle well meaning friends.  For the person who is going through a difficult time, if they get an email, they know friends are thinking of them and they can respond when they are ready.  Also, it stops her from hearing any sounds of your little one in the background if you are on the phone. 

     One thing I really struggled with was when I would be going through a really difficult time with infertility was calling to talk to one of my friends, on a rare occasion that I wanted to talk, that had kids and then there baby would be fussing and they would basically not be able to listen to me at all.  It was a double whammy. 

    A card in the mail is something that is rarely done these days, but also meaningful!

    I really like the idea of a card. She and I usually talk on the phone every day but I told her that I would understand if she needed some space. A card would be nice I think.
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  • HallilHallil member
    imagemrsmoore827:
    imagejehnm:

    Just want to add that sometimes contact through email is the "easiest" way to handle well meaning friends.  For the person who is going through a difficult time, if they get an email, they know friends are thinking of them and they can respond when they are ready.  Also, it stops her from hearing any sounds of your little one in the background if you are on the phone. 

     One thing I really struggled with was when I would be going through a really difficult time with infertility was calling to talk to one of my friends, on a rare occasion that I wanted to talk, that had kids and then there baby would be fussing and they would basically not be able to listen to me at all.  It was a double whammy. 

    A card in the mail is something that is rarely done these days, but also meaningful!

    I really like the idea of a card. She and I usually talk on the phone every day but I told her that I would understand if she needed some space. A card would be nice I think.

    I like the card idea, with your words you could just reach out and offer to make time for her if and when she is ready. Express that though you can't imagine what she is going through you would like to help in any way possible and she should just let you know :)

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  • SunidazeSunidaze member
    I have no advice on what to say, but please say something!  I have basically lost a friend because I didn't (she found out she was pregnant shortly after me, but miscarried not long after, I wasn't there for her - multiple reasons, but none good enough).
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