DD feels left out with her "friends", I feel bad... — The Bump

DD feels left out with her "friends", I feel bad...

So we live on a cul-de-sac in a newer, younger development, with many neighbors with other young children, which is great sometimes, but, a few of the kids are a year or two older than DD, and at this age, 3, that makes a big difference.  It's like my DD is ok to play with by the other kids if no one else is around, and as soon as another one of the "older" kids is around, she is left in the dust.  I try to redirect her to play with the other 3 year olds, but that doesn't always work either.

Well today DD's "friends" and one parent decided to go for a bike ride, which I thought was staying in the neighborhood, so fine, but all the other kids have thier big kid bikes, and DD has no interest in her big kid bike, she is just as happy on her Dora big wheel, or on a scooter.  So I decided to walk with her while she rode, but she could not keep up with them, and they did not wait up for her, and then when we did catch up, they decided, with the parent with them, to go up the busy street to the school, and I make DD turn around.  She couldn't keep up, I did not want to ride on a busy street even with a side walk, and it was getting late.  Not one of those kids have to get up in the morning like we do.

Anyway, she was so upset, crying that her friends left her, crying for our neighbors who we are closest with who have been on vacation the past week, and I just felt so bad.  I tried explaining that the big kid bikes go faster, that we can start learning to do it if she wants, that we had to get ready for bed and they didn't, I just didn't know what to say, and her crying, knowing her feelings were hurt, broke my heart.

what would you have done?  what do you do in general, kids are kids, she is always gonna be second best with the big kids, atleast for now.

Mini me DD 4/17/08 BFP 12/27/10 m/c @ 8 wks, d&c 2/3/11 BFP 7/6/11 EDD 3/17/12 DS born 3/8/12 Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: DD feels left out with her "friends", I feel bad...

  • This is a tough one. I think I would have handled it the same way. All you can do really is explain that the big kid bikes go faster and give the reasons you did for going back. I'm in the same boat with my DD. She's 3 and the cousins she plays with most are 5 and 8. They just move faster in general and do so many things that DD isn't ready for or just can't do yet... like riding a big kid bike. It's there, but she prefers her trike.


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  • Ugh I hate that. It's so sad to see your kids suffer emtionally!

    I can relate because we just moved and left behind all of her friends she has known since she was 6 weeks old! Now, when we go to play places or groups, kids this age are already in little cliques! It's nuts! And DD has a tendency to want the attention of kids older than her (4-6) so they often are more cliquey. She's tall for her age and tells ms that fellow 3 year olds are babies like her sister and she wants to play with the big kids, but then her feelings get hurt when they don't reciprocate.

    I just try to explain the situation over and over (that girl is older than you and want to play other games you won't like, let's see what else we can do) and eventually she'll cheer up. Unfortunately this is just one of those life lessons out kiddos need to learn (not everyone is nice, not everyone will be your friend) and I feel like it's the first of many heart breaks to come! Ugh!

    In your specific situation, I would say we had to go in because it was playdoh time or painting time or Popsicle time or something fun! Saying it was bedtime in addition to being dissed by her "friends" probably exemplified the tears.
    My 2 girls, both born on a Friday the 13th, are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 hours and 2 minutes apart! And Baby Boy joined us October 11, 2013! image
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  • You did the right thing; its hard to be a little kid, you can't always keep up with the big kids. When she's disappointed like this, you can't do much more than explain and empathize.
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  • (((HUGS)))  That is hard for us too.  Harm's cousins are older most of the time.  I try to plan activities that are friendly for all kids (water play, baking, etc.).  Have you tried get togethers that are more planned?

     Another thing is that I know if Harm is going to stick out in an activity I just tell him, "I'm sorry this isn't a good activity".  That might be a good thing for situations like her not riding a bicycle yet when the big girls are.  

    HTH!  GL! 

    Mom to Harmon 1/17/08 and twins Rachel & Callum 8/28/09 Photobucket 29o0v13.jpg
  • Hopefully a lesson is learned, that no matter at what age, everyone should be included. That other parent should have said, "If we all can't go then none of us should go." That's what I would have done, being that I am the younger sister and was always left behind I make sure that everyone always feels included.

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  • We had similar issues when we had a 7yo neighbor. Most days she was literally peering in my doorwall to see if my 3yo could play, but as soon as bigger kids were around it's like a switch went off and she wanted nothing to do with DD. I was pretty relieved when her family moved. It was like a soap opera never knowing if M would be friend or heart breaker.
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    DD1, Kathleen 9/15/2007


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