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2nd Shower

jessicajamesjessicajames
in Baby Showers

Both my friend and my mother-in-law are each insisting on throwing me a shower (this is baby #2 for me, #4 for DH - and the only boy).   I have attended second showers for others and I don't have a problem doing so.  However, I do not want a shower for this baby.  Though my husband thinks it's a good idea, it makes me supremely uncomfortable. Is it wrong to insist that he have a "guy" shower with his buddies instead of a typical baby shower?  I don't want to be rude and I have expressed my disinterest.  Am I just being ungrateful? 

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Re: 2nd Shower

  • Ms.JadeMs.Jade member

    Someone is going to pipe up here and tell you that every baby deserves to be celebrated and I'm going to want to smack them through the screen so let me save them the trouble. 

    While it is true that every child deserves to be celebrated, that celebration need not be a GIFT GIVING event. 

    Another thing to keep in mind is that people will give you stuff even if you don't create an occasion for them to do so.

    So you're right. Another shower is not appropriate. Even a "guy shower" whatever that is. But by all means find a fun way to celebrate your new baby. A BBQ or something else. Have fun! 

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  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member
    Maybe your friend and MIL can host a party after your son is born...meet the baby party.  Emphasis is on PARTY.  You won't be registered so if they want to give the baby a gift they will have to think of something all on their own (maybe diapers and clothes?).  If they still hound you just tell them you are uncomfortable having a shower and if they would like maybe they can host a party after baby is born.  Just decline a shower - easy.
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  • greengirl0909greengirl0909 member
    imageMs.Jade:

    Someone is going to pipe up here and tell you that every baby deserves to be celebrated and I'm going to want to smack them through the screen so let me save them the trouble. 

    While it is true that every child deserves to be celebrated, that celebration need not be a GIFT GIVING event. 

    Another thing to keep in mind is that people will give you stuff even if you don't create an occasion for them to do so.

    So you're right. Another shower is not appropriate. Even a "guy shower" whatever that is. But by all means find a fun way to celebrate your new baby. A BBQ or something else. Have fun! 

    THIS exactly....

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  • weddingbells2010weddingbells2010 member

    You are uncomfortable with the idea because deep down you have a good sense of etiquitte nagging at you and, although you've graciously attended 2nd showers for others before, you know it's just unnecessary and gift-grabby.

    It is not ungrateful to decline a shower at all- be firm and clear that you greatly appreciate the thought, but you're just not comfortable with another shower and you will not be registering for gifts.  If anyone asks your family about plans, tell them that there will be a celebration to meet the baby sometime in the future (which you and DH can host, or let family throw it for you, but either way it is then about celebrating the baby and not the gifts).

    Also- do not insist on any type of guys shower for your DH.  Not only are most men TOTALLY not into this concept (even if your DH is, his friends are probably not), but it's just not appropriate to be insistent about any type of party being offered in your/DH's honor. 

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  • blush64blush64 member
    imageMs.Jade:

    Someone is going to pipe up here and tell you that every baby deserves to be celebrated and I'm going to want to smack them through the screen so let me save them the trouble. 

    While it is true that every child deserves to be celebrated, that celebration need not be a GIFT GIVING event. 

    Another thing to keep in mind is that people will give you stuff even if you don't create an occasion for them to do so.

    So you're right. Another shower is not appropriate. Even a "guy shower" whatever that is. But by all means find a fun way to celebrate your new baby. A BBQ or something else. Have fun! 

    In my family there is a shower for each child. This is the way it is, has been and will be. This is a tradition for us and we are happy, if this makes you want to be violent I think that says a lot. I am not suggesting that every baby MUST have one in order to be celebrated. This is just the way my family does it. (all those invited to the shower are generally family unless someone asks to come)

    If OP doesn't want a shower, don't have it. You have to go with what feels right for you and what is generally done in your area, with your family.

    While I don't think a second shower is necessary (even a first isn't necessary), it really depends on what is normally done. Will the guests be shocked that you are having the shower? Will they expect one?

    EDIT I really think/hope you were kidding about getting that angry.

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  • varkeyrvarkeyr

     You can ask that instead of a shower you have a meet the baby party. Have a BBQ and go from there.

    Or if they are insistent of giving you a shower, ask that the guests shower you with freezable meals.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image.
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  • CallieSamCallieSam
    imageMs.Jade:

    Someone is going to pipe up here and tell you that every baby deserves to be celebrated and I'm going to want to smack them through the screen so let me save them the trouble. 

    While it is true that every child deserves to be celebrated, that celebration need not be a GIFT GIVING event. 

    Another thing to keep in mind is that people will give you stuff even if you don't create an occasion for them to do so.

    So you're right. Another shower is not appropriate. Even a "guy shower" whatever that is. But by all means find a fun way to celebrate your new baby. A BBQ or something else. Have fun! 

    My question about this is: Why is it ok to have a GIFT GIVING event for one baby but not for another? If OP doesn't want one, that's fine, no one is obligated to have a baby shower. But I truly do not understand how it's appropriate to ask for gifts for one child but inappropriate for subsequent children. If you're against showers, be against all of them, not just for siblings.

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  • BallSoxBallSox member
    imageCallieSam:

    My question about this is: Why is it ok to have a GIFT GIVING event for one baby but not for another? If OP doesn't want one, that's fine, no one is obligated to have a baby shower. But I truly do not understand how it's appropriate to ask for gifts for one child but inappropriate for subsequent children. If you're against showers, be against all of them, not just for siblings.

    Because the gift giving event is not about the baby as much as it is about the woman becoming a mother.  You're not becoming another mother.  You're the same mother with another child.  While most people get stuff for the baby (outfits, etc) there are a lot of cultures that focus more on the mom and not on the baby (a blessingway for example).  

    Showers are for giving the new mom the gifts, support, advice and love to help her major life transition from being a woman to being a mom. 

    Now if you want to undergo a sex change, then feel FREE to have a new dad shower.  :-)  

     

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Little Man (4 years old---holy cow)
    He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be.  He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.  
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