The "did any of you make more money" post got me thinking...

Andrewsgal · August 2011

MrsBalletStar05:
I don't think anyone will ever know the why. While it may APPEAR that a wife is forcing her husband to work more, honestly we are not in their relationship and we don't know with 100% certainty why things are the way they are.
If you judge the woman for apparently "forcing" her husband to work, do you not judge the husband for being walked over? Isn't it both party's "fault"?
Apparently everyone here has DH's who love to work extra and/or it makes more sense financially :-P How do we know this isn't the same reason for those women in your real life or something similar?
For all we know, maybe these women are *bragging* that they don't have to work when in all reality it's what would make the most sense in their family situation anyway.

In neither situation I mentioned are the spouses bragging in fact in both there spouses have mentioned getting a job, but they so needed to SAH because it is what they wanted. You will never convince me that forcing someone to get a second job before you have a first is better fir a family, I think it is selfish and shows the SAH parent putting themselves and their want to SAH over their spouses feelings and relationship with the kids.

axr8111 · August 2011

Some men are just those men who would rather work as many jobs as they need to so that their babies get to be with their mommies. Why is this so hard to understand?

MrsBalletStar05 · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
MrsBalletStar05:
I don't think anyone will ever know the why. While it may APPEAR that a wife is forcing her husband to work more, honestly we are not in their relationship and we don't know with 100% certainty why things are the way they are.
If you judge the woman for apparently "forcing" her husband to work, do you not judge the husband for being walked over? Isn't it both party's "fault"?
Apparently everyone here has DH's who love to work extra and/or it makes more sense financially :-P How do we know this isn't the same reason for those women in your real life or something similar?
For all we know, maybe these women are *bragging* that they don't have to work when in all reality it's what would make the most sense in their family situation anyway.
In neither situation I mentioned are the spouses bragging in fact in both there spouses have mentioned getting a job, but they so needed to SAH because it is what they wanted. You will never convince me that forcing someone to get a second job before you have a first is better fir a family, I think it is selfish and shows the SAH parent putting themselves and their want to SAH over their spouses feelings and relationship with the kids.

Did you read what I wrote? Do you know with 100% certainty that these women are forcing their husbands to get a 2nd job and that their spouse is really upset about it? How do you know this? I have a difficult time believing anyone knows, with 100% certainty, ANYTHING about someone else's marriage.

I'm not saying forcing someone to get a 2nd job is cool. I'm saying, "How do we know for sure that is what is going on?"

Andrewsgal · August 2011

axr8111:
Some men are just those men who would rather work as many jobs as they need to so that their babies get to be with their mommies. Why is this so hard to understand?

Did you read what I wrote. Situation a: SIL told me several times that bil wanted her to work she told him it was more important for her to be home, SIL told me this and billfold DH the same story, situation 2 I am Frieda with the wife her h SAH she just called me crying this morning how tired she is and how she told him agains eh wishes he would get a jib so she could quit one and spend time with her kids, he thinks the kids need at least one parent home, so yes in both of these situations the working souse is working to support the SAH spouse and not happy about it.

Andrewsgal · August 2011

axr8111:
Some men are just those men who would rather work as many jobs as they need to so that their babies get to be with their mommies. Why is this so hard to understand?

Because if a child is lucky enough to come from a two parent home there are a lot more. benefits to spending time with each parent then never seeing one so they can have a moony who stays home.

MrsBalletStar05 · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
Did you read what I wrote. Situation a: SIL told me several times that bil wanted her to work she told him it was more important for her to be home, SIL told me this and billfold DH the same story, situation 2 I am Frieda with the wife her h SAH she just called me crying this morning how tired she is and how she told him agains eh wishes he would get a jib so she could quit one and spend time with her kids, he thinks the kids need at least one parent home, so yes in both of these situations the working souse is working to support the SAH spouse and not happy about it.

Ok, I had to read this several times to try and understand (I'm guessing you're on a phone) so i apologize if I've got this wrong, but it sounds to me like you are getting one side of each story? Maybe this is just me, but I can't know with 100% certainty what is going on in someone's relationship with just one side of the story - and even with BOTH sides of a story, what I am told may not be what is shared between the two of them, and there are probably other factors besides their personal feelings as well. I guess it's just a difference of opinions, but I can't judge someone when I don't feel I know the entire story (and in this case, I would never know the entire story). Also, I just don't think it matters that much. If that issue is causing friction, that is for the two of them to deal with and my opinion doesn't really matter.

JOEBunny · August 2011

My DH works long hours because he can work about 60 hours a week and make significantly more than we were making both working 50 hours a week (100 total). He also likes the challenges that come with his job and would not like being in a job that did not have those challenges.

littlemermaid · August 2011

In a lot of homes it makes more sense to have the husband work a second job because if the wife worked she would need to have a job that paid way more than what daycare plus what it would cost them in income taxes to make it worth for her to work. It is very difficult, especially in this economy, to find well paying jobs that will cover daycare costs for 2+ children for a lot of families. A lot of factors come into play, do they have a degree, do they live in an area that have jobs they are skilled in. If the woman can only find jobs paying minimum wage then it's not going to be worth it for her to work. She won't even be able to pay the daycare costs. So it makes more sense to have the husband pick up a second job. Everyone does what works for their own family. It's really not anyone's place to judge another family.

mbritto4 · August 2011

PBugMom:
pumpkinwife07:
To me, it's far more important for kids to have time with both parents, than have a SAHM. I would never feel comfortable having my husband work 80 hours a week, so I could SAH.
I get what you're saying, but in my DH's and many other fields, you have to work 80 hours a week, just so you can stay employed. Regardless of your marital/parental status.

This is pretty much MH line of work too. I'd love for him to work 9-5 and be home every night, but his job is to travel and work 7-7(or 8/9 or start at 6) so it is what it is. He's payed well for it but it's not "just so I can stay home" I'm just lucky to be able to afford to stay home so at least one of us spends time with the kids during the week. He makes weekends count, and has looked for a similar job with less travel but they aren't out there right now.

Temp174496125006552 · August 2011

littlemermaid:
In a lot of homes it makes more sense to have the husband work a second job because if the wife worked she would need to have a job that paid way more than what daycare plus what it would cost them in income taxes to make it worth for her to work. It is

Exactly.

I am the oldest of 5 kids. Growing up, my dad worked 2 jobs for as long as I can remember. Not because my mom wanted to sit home and watch soap operas and eat bon-bons. There was no job at the time that she could get that would cover the cost of that many kids in daycare. Period.

MamatoJackson · August 2011

DH works 40 hours a week but has said before that if we were ever in a position where I had to go back to work, he would rather have me home with the kids and to get a second job.

Like PP's said, whatever works for your family.

ericanandy · August 2011

My husband was working these hours regardless of me SAHMing or not.

DuckLover · August 2011

DH works 60 hours a week and when the reservists come in he works 80+ hours a week. It's part of his job. Daycare is NOT an option for us. He also gets work trips anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks sprung on him and even if I wanted a job it would be pointless since there is nobody to watch DS. Different things work for different families.

laurakaz13 · August 2011

Sigh. I work FT. I love my job. I come over here to lurk, b/c I love the ideas I get from the SAHM's when it comes to fun things I can do with my DD, great dinners, etc. etc.

My DH works long hours. He's a military pilot. He would work long hours no matter what. He loves to work, and loves to be successful. I like working, but I don't have to.

I just hate the mommy wars. I luckily have never experienced them in real life, just on The Bump. It is just crazy to me that women are so critical of each other. I respect WM's. I respect SAHM's. I have friends from each side of the spectrum and we never judge each other.

p.s. I think being a SAHM is likely 1000 times harder than my job!

KRISTA555 · August 2011

My husband works a lot of hours right now, but not necessarily because I stay at home. If I worked, I promise you that my husband would still work a lot of hours. It's just the way he is. He can't sit still. He still makes plenty of time for our family, and he always, without question takes Sundays off to spend with us. Usually Saturdays too.

We are saving to pay cash for a house, and we are trying to upgrade our vehicles. That requires a lot of money that we normally wouldn't need for day-to-day living.

MainelyFoolish · August 2011

My DH works some overtime (he usually works about 50 hours/week). The money is not necessary for us to make ends meet but it makes extras (like vacations, presents, eating out, etc.) much more accessible.

The reason my DH works overtime rather than me working an outside job is because he can earn in one hour what it would take me all day to earn. To us, that's a no-brainer.

wifeofaussie · August 2011

My H took a huge pay cut to fly for the airlines thinking that once he upgraded to captain, he could be home more. Instead, they brought back a bunch of furloughed guys who outrank him even though they haven't flown in years and now it's crap pay AND he's gone 5-6 days and nights per week.

He's looking now at flying for an air ambulance company that would be 4 on, 4 off and talked about working a second job on his days off. I told him forget it, I'll go work part time on those days off so he can SAH with DD. Otherwise, it's no better than it is now with him being gone. To us, it is much more important that ONE of us, regardless of which be with her and that we both get a good amount of time with her. He worked and I SAH because even though the pay is crap, it's still more than I could and we have pretty traditional values but I am not opposed to working if DD was at home with her dad while I was gone. Right now, I SAH because with him constantly coming and going, it was important to have at least one parent be stable and there with her and with him gone for days at a time, I couldn't work PT anyway because there's nobody to watch DD. If he gets this job (fingers crossed) we BOTH get quality time with her.

This being said, that would be a very ideal situation I know a lot of people would not be blessed with. Everybody does what works best for THEIR family. I seriously doubt that these guys working multiple jobs feel bullied into it by their wives and work that much against their will because their wives want to SAH. When we were kids, my mom SAH and money was tight. She offered to go to work in the evenings to make extra cash and my dad preferred taking a second job at night to SAH with us because he knew it would be much more work to stay with 3 young kids than to work a few hours in the evening (his words).

robinsokj · August 2011

I'll go against everyone here and say that I get what she's saying. If the only reason someone's H works multiple jobs, and never spends time with the kids is so the wife can stay at home, I don't get it either. i would rather work so my husband has time with the kids

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

Thank you to everyone who got what I was trying to say.

BryelleSullivan · August 2011

DevonPow:
DH works extreme hours but not so I can stay home (that is a perk). It is because he works in finance and those are typical hours for his position. He loves what he does, but we also love the lifestyle it lets us have (travel, living where we do, etc). He would hav the same hours and travel schedule even if I worked, or if we didn't have kids

ditto this exception of field husband works in. It doesn't make a difference if I work or not.

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