The "did any of you make more money" post got me thinking...

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

How many of you have husbands that work multiple jobs, or a ton of long hours just so they can stay home?

I just don't understand the reasoning behind it. To me, it's far more important for kids to have time with both parents, than have a SAHM. I would never feel comfortable having my husband work 80 hours a week, so I could SAH.

Daisy77 · August 2011

He works long hours because he's the boss and he likes owning his own business.

People do what works for their family. To each their own.

baby_lance · August 2011

I don't stay home right now...I still work full time. I plan on staying home after my baby is born, so I lurk here. My husband works in his families business...at least 50 hours a week and also has his own lawn care business(seasonal)...which is probably an extra 15 - 20 hours a week. He will do this regardless of what my work status is. He has a very strong work ethic and loves working. He still some how is able to spend quality time with me and our children.

I don't think it's fair to judge others on this. We are good financially either way, but I know if it came down to it...my husband would work all he could to insure that our infant could be raised at home the first couple of years of their life. He would rather I be home with the baby than neither of us being able to stay home with the baby.

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

I totally get that some people have to work long hours. I guess my point is that I woudl never ask my DH to get a second or third job, or work 80 hours, just so I can stay home. My DH loves being able to spend at least part of his day with our DD. He gets a few hours in with her every night and to him that is more important that who "watches" her during the day.

We're also very open to daycare (hence why i now work PT), so maybe that's also the difference.

naturelle25 · August 2011

You dont have to understand any reasoning behind why my husband works a lot of hours...its MY family. And for the record, he doesnt work a ton of hours so I can "stay home." He works a ton of hours bc he owns his own business and its his dream to make it successful, so lots of work comes right along with it.

PBugMom · August 2011

pumpkinwife07:
To me, it's far more important for kids to have time with both parents, than have a SAHM. I would never feel comfortable having my husband work 80 hours a week, so I could SAH.

I get what you're saying, but in my DH's and many other fields, you have to work 80 hours a week, just so you can stay employed. Regardless of your marital/parental status.

Stacyc625 · August 2011

why do you care what works for someone else's family?

PBugMom · August 2011

Stacyc625:
why do you care what works for someone else's family?

This too...

Dochas · August 2011

I think most people who work long hours do it because it's required of their position. No job I've ever had gave me the option to just tack on more hours for more pay.

sophie206 · August 2011

Here we go with the SAH vs working battle with Pumpkin, again. We should take shots for these posts, as well.

sophie206 · August 2011

Here we go with the SAH vs working battle with Pumpkin, again. We should make a drinking game for these posts, as well.

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

There is no battle being fought here.

And, I'll say it again, there are jobs out there that require a person to work long hours. I GET THAT. What I'm talking about is a DH taking on a additional job or additional hours so his wife can SAH.

I strongly feel that a child needs both parents around as much as possible. Having a mom that stays home, wouldn't be worth it in my mind, if my child never saw my husband.

PBugMom · August 2011

scatteredtrees:
pumpkinwife07:

There is no battle being fought here.

And, I'll say it again, there are jobs out there that require a person to work long hours. I GET THAT. What I'm talking about is a DH taking on a additional job or additional hours so his wife can SAH.

And I will say this again: You seem to have an unhealthy interest with the way everyone else on this board lives and why they make the choices they make. We get it. You love daycare. You love working. Yay, you. Now please stop beating this dead horse.

Back it up there... Pumpkin if you love working so much, why are you spending all this time showing an "unhealthy interest" in the lives of a board of SAHMs?

susanmosley · August 2011

I work PT and DH works 40 hours a week. I could make significantly more money than DH if I worked FT - in fact, I could make more than what we make right now combined if I worked FT - and he could stay home FT.

Please analyze my situation, Pumpkin. Is how we are living okay in your book of standards?

MrsBalletStar05 · August 2011

My husband works two jobs. He works his regular 40 hours a week and does his one weekend a month and two weeks a year (although this year it was more like 4 weeks....) with the military. I'm sorry you don't like it? It works for us. He enjoys being a part of his unit (has re-enlisted once and will do so again) and it allows us to get very cheap and good insurance. When I was working full-time, I had crazy hours. I didn't think it was fair to our kids that both parents were gone so much. A job with better hours and similar pay didn't exist. Any job with good hours that I could get - well, my paycheck would be going to pay for daycare. And trust me - I looked!

babypuplove · August 2011

Jealousy is the only reason I can come up with for someone having this amount of negative interest in the way other people live their lives. You're a strange one, that's for sure.

DevonPow · August 2011

DH works extreme hours but not so I can stay home (that is a perk). It is because he works in finance and those are typical hours for his position. He loves what he does, but we also love the lifestyle it lets us have (travel, living where we do, etc). He would hav the same hours and travel schedule even if I worked, or if we didn't have kids

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

Apparently I struck a nerve here with some of you...

Seeing I'm under attack here. Yes, I do like working (part-time) and I LOVE our daycare. I feel very blessed to have what I like to call the best of both worlds. I have a wonderful balance now and I'm quite happy.

Sure, some dad's have to work long hours. Job requirements are job requirements. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET IT. Financial responsibilites are not a joke. It's tough out there and people have to do what they have to do, but that's not my question or issue.

What's I'm trying to say (and apparently I need to rephrase it) is I don't understand the point of having a husband who chooses (that better?) to work 90 hours a week or hold down 3 jobs, just so a wife can stay home? How can that be better than having a nanny or daycare. Having to work 3 jobs so your child can eat, is very different than having 3 jobs so you can SAH.

ktsnshn · August 2011

I think each family must do what is best for their family. I would not be happy if DH worked two or three jobs and was never around at night or on the weekend, just so could stay home. I think Dads play an important role in the family, and need to interact wight their children. I am also a big believer in the importance of dating and couple time. My DH works long hours and travels because he is in management and hopes to continue to climb the ladder. When he is home, he is very hands on. I would never ask him to work a second job so we could afford for me to stay home, but I don't know if I would judge other's for making that decision.

DevonPow · August 2011

He chooses to work the hours he does not only because he loves it, but because we both really enjoy the lifestyle it affords us (which includes me staying home). Judge all you want but we like to travel, we like living where we do and being able to have the house we do, we like knowing that if something ever comes up and DS needs private school it won't be a problem, we like that DS can take lots of classes (and I can, as well), we like knowing we can send DS to whatever college/grad program he wants, and we like that DH will likely be able to retire very, very early. Yes, he could change his job and have one that allows him more time at home, but for now we are all OK with how things are working.

Daisy77 · August 2011

pumpkinwife07:
Apparently I struck a nerve here with some of you...

Seeing I'm under attack here. Yes, I do like working (part-time) and I LOVE our daycare. I feel very blessed to have what I like to call the best of both worlds. I have a wonderful balance now and I'm quite happy.

Sure, some dad's have to work long hours. Job requirements are job requirements. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET IT. Financial responsibilites are not a joke. It's tough out there and people have to do what they have to do, but that's not my question or issue.

What's I'm trying to say (and apparently I need to rephrase it) is I don't understand the point of having a husband who chooses (that better?) to work 90 hours a week or hold down 3 jobs, just so a wife can stay home? How can that be better than having a nanny or daycare. Having to work 3 jobs so your child can eat, is very different than having 3 jobs so you can SAH.

You only post with the intent of riling things up. Do you participate in any other posts where you don't?

And maybe they choose to because they want to. Some people like their jobs.

Andrewsgal · August 2011

I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.

WhitePicketFence · August 2011

DH works long hours but it's not just so that I can SAH. He works them because his job requires them. He's still have to work long hours even if I were employed.

MrsBalletStar05 · August 2011

Why? Because they choose to. Because they want to. Maybe the mom does better with the kids than the dad. Just because. Some things just are. They don't require an explanation.

susanmosley · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.

But I think you both are missing the point that

1) there isn't a "right" way to this

2) no opinion or belief on the matter is superior to others'

I think we all get her point - we just don't all agree and more importantly don't understand why she only posts on this topic...ever

Arnegard · August 2011

My husband often has to work a ton of mandatory OT. I'd SAHM regardless of this, but it is nice when his schedule is chaotic that mine is the same.

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

"I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH. "

This exactly! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

Fulbri05 · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.

Yes, this. She's talking about a husband that doesn't necessarily want to work 2 or more jobs but does because the wife insists on staying home. At least that's what I got from it. But yes, at the same time, it doesn't really matter since it doesn't concern her or anyone else other than that family.

Andrewsgal · August 2011

Honestly I think it is selfish, I can not imagine telling DH to go out and work two jobs so I could sit at home while he works, sure honey please bust yor ass so I can SAH, oh and btw sorry you don't really get to see the kids but I am better with them anyway. DH is worn out after long work weeks, I can't imagine forcing those on him so I could SAH because I don't want to work. He also misses the kids and they miss him, it would be unfair of me to expect him to work so I get them all the time and he never sees them.

pumpkinwife07 · August 2011

Yes, I am PRO all of those things. I'm also PRO whatever is best for your family... THAT SAID, I give my opinion on here when it is asked. You may not agree. You don't have to.

If this topic really upsets you that much, maybe you should try to figure out WHY! Good luck.

Andrewsgal · August 2011

susanmosley:
Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.
But I think you both are missing the point that
1) there isn't a "right" way to this
2) no opinion or belief on the matter is superior to others'
I think we all get her point - we just don't all agree and more importantly don't understand why she only posts on this topic...ever

I agree with everyone that there is no right way in a family, but I don't understand having a husband work two jobs and never see his kids so that you van SAH. I am sure it works, but i personally think it is wrong.

Daisy77 · August 2011

susanmosley:
Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.
But I think you both are missing the point that
1) there isn't a "right" way to this
2) no opinion or belief on the matter is superior to others'
I think we all get her point - we just don't all agree and more importantly don't understand why she only posts on this topic...ever

Ditto Susan.

And I can honestly say that if my spouse told me that they wanted to SAH, no ifs, and or buts and I needed to work, work, work to support that, no discussion about it, we'd have a bigger issue than who was working. If they discuss it and it's the wish of BOTH parents and they're cool with dad working more while mom stays home, who cares?

susanmosley · August 2011

pumpkinwife07:
If this topic really upsets you that much, maybe you should try to figure out WHY! Good luck.

With all due respect, and I don't want to speak for everyone, but I don't think it is this topic, I think it is you!

Seriously, do you have opinions on any other topics? Please share them in other threads about other things. It is so bizarre that you are apparently always lurking here but only chime in on THIS topic. What else interests you? What else do you have opinions on?

susanmosley · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
susanmosley:
Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.
But I think you both are missing the point that
1) there isn't a "right" way to this
2) no opinion or belief on the matter is superior to others'
I think we all get her point - we just don't all agree and more importantly don't understand why she only posts on this topic...ever
I agree with everyone that there is no right way in a family, but I don't understand having a husband work two jobs and never see his kids so that you van SAH. I am sure it works, but i personally think it is wrong.

Well that is completely fine, but silly that you are deciding what is right and wrong for people you don't know. But again, you are welcome to think whatever you would like.

mrsolsen2000 · August 2011

My husband doesn't work super long hours but in order to get ahead and move up he does put in extra time. If I was working it would be harder to do that and we would both be stuck in mid-level positions. For our family it works that I work part time (10 hours a week just to get out and keep some contacts in the real estate field I'm in) and he can work more like 50-60/week. We make more money this way than if we both worked 35-40/week each. Does that make sense?

Also, why do you feel the need to judge? Who cares what works for another family may not work for yours. My cousin works 3 jobs so his wife can stay at home with their 5 kids. He isn't a baby person so he would rather work but he loves his kids. Who cares?

Dochas · August 2011

Daisy77:
susanmosley:
Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.
But I think you both are missing the point that
1) there isn't a "right" way to this
2) no opinion or belief on the matter is superior to others'
I think we all get her point - we just don't all agree and more importantly don't understand why she only posts on this topic...ever
Ditto Susan.
And I can honestly say that if my spouse told me that they wanted to SAH, no ifs, and or buts and I needed to work, work, work to support that, no discussion about it, we'd have a bigger issue than who was working. If they discuss it and it's the wish of BOTH parents and they're cool with dad working more while mom stays home, who cares?

And who exactly are these evil women who are forcing their husbands to dig ditches all day so they can sit home painting their nails? I see two or three people talking about how awful they are over and over again, but I see no one actually promoting this lifestyle.

pinksweetpea2 · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.

I agree. DH works a lot of hours, but I would never expect him to get a second job just so I could SAH.

Andrewsgal · August 2011

Dochas:
Daisy77:
susanmosley:
Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.
But I think you both are missing the point that
1) there isn't a "right" way to this
2) no opinion or belief on the matter is superior to others'
I think we all get her point - we just don't all agree and more importantly don't understand why she only posts on this topic...ever
Ditto Susan.
And I can honestly say that if my spouse told me that they wanted to SAH, no ifs, and or buts and I needed to work, work, work to support that, no discussion about it, we'd have a bigger issue than who was working. If they discuss it and it's the wish of BOTH parents and they're cool with dad working more while mom stays home, who cares?

And who exactly are these evil women who are forcing their husbands to dig ditches all day so they can sit home painting their nails? I see two or three people talking about how awful they are over and over again, but I see no one actually promoting this lifestyle.

Actually my SIL is one so maybe that is why I am so passionate about it, I also have a girl friend who works two jobs while her husband SAH it is killing her, so it does happen ,and was the point of the OP where this all started.

WhitePicketFence · August 2011

pumpkinwife07:
Apparently I struck a nerve here with some of you...Seeing I'm under attack here. Yes, I do like working (part-time) and I LOVE our daycare. I feel very blessed to have what I like to call the best of both worlds. I have a wonderful balance now and I'm quite happy.Sure, some dad's have to work long hours. Job requirements are job requirements. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET IT. Financial responsibilites are not a joke. It's tough out there and people have to do what they have to do, but that's not my question or issue.What's I'm trying to say (and apparently I need to rephrase it) is I don't understand the point of having a husband who chooses (that better?) to work 90 hours a week or hold down 3 jobs, just so a wife can stay home? How can that be better than having a nanny or daycare. Having to work 3 jobs so your child can eat, is very different than having 3 jobs so you can SAH.

Is it really that hard for you to comprehend that what works for your family isn't necessarily what works for another family? Can you possibly be that dense?

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2011

Andrewsgal:
I agree with pumpkin and think most of you are missing her point. She is not talking about DHs who work long hours hell mine worked 85 hours last week, she is talking about families in which the DH is having to work two separate jobs to support his family because the wife chooses to SAH. DH will always work long hours but you can bet that if we could not make it on his salary I could not imagine making him get a second job so I could SAH.

Ditto this.

I know people IRL that do this too. 2 girls in my storytime group have DH that work multiple jobs so they don't have to meet. I think it's selfish too.

MrsBalletStar05 · August 2011

I don't think anyone will ever know the why. While it may APPEAR that a wife is forcing her husband to work more, honestly we are not in their relationship and we don't know with 100% certainty why things are the way they are.

If you judge the woman for apparently "forcing" her husband to work, do you not judge the husband for being walked over? Isn't it both party's "fault"?

Apparently everyone here has DH's who love to work extra and/or it makes more sense financially :-P How do we know this isn't the same reason for those women in your real life or something similar?

For all we know, maybe these women are *bragging* that they don't have to work when in all reality it's what would make the most sense in their family situation anyway.

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