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Blended Families
More facebook drama!
I?ve decided that facebook is toxic to blended families! This whole ?I?m going to share everything I?m doing with people whom I would otherwise never speak about my day? mentality just invites problems. Here?s the reason for my rant:
SO is VERY against facebook, especially for his kids. He just doesn?t like the idea of having their pictures, locations and every detail of their days all over the internet. While SD13 was with her mom this week, BM set her up a facebook profile and friended everybody SD knows (she already has almost as many friends on her profile as I do). Over the weekend I mentioned facebook and SD says ?oh my gosh, you?re on facebook?? I?m going to friend you!! And you better not say no!? I didn?t even know she had a facebook until then so I was a little shocked.
Now I don?t know what to do because that profile is basically an extension of BM?s profile. BM is blocked on my profile as are all her relatives. I don?t WANT BM looking at my facebook page. My dilemma now is do I accept SD as a friend knowing that BM will be going through my profile with a fine-toothed comb or do I not accept and hurt her feelings? I know I can put her on limited access but I feel like that would make her feel the same way as not accepting her at all. Ugh! Sometimes I wish facebook didn?t exist at all?any ideas?
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Re: More facebook drama!
I had a hard time with this too, because I knew BM was all over SS's (13) FB. I ended up just letting him add me, because I did not want to hurt his feelings, and I wanted him to be able to see pictures of his sister on a more regular basis.
It did change the way I post, which was probably a good thing. I had never bad mouthed BM of course, but I chilled out on the posting to some extent. That is actually a good thing, since I spent way too much time on there.
If you dont want to add SD, maybe you could play the card "I'm never on there anyways!" to not hurt her feelings. I know that sounds like a chicken way of handling it though. lol.
I would tell her you'd love to be her facebook friend, but how many kids really want their mom's and step mom's on as friends? Play it like you don't want to be the fuddy duddy mom and want her to be able to post freely and not ever have to worry about what you might think.
I too think facebook is getting way out of hand. I love it and hate it all at the same time. But this is my rule - I don't do anything or accept anyone that I wouldn't in my real life. As far as I'm concerned, facebook is like standing in the middle of a room with all kinds of people around you. Family, friends, business people, the community...you are constantly making an impression in how you carry yourself, dress, act, speak, etc. and it can make you or break you as an individual.
I have to chirp in on this. I had posted a few months back about what to get H for his birthday, when last year I had wrapped up a frame that said "I love you daddy" with a note that said "We are having a baby" This year I posted, "How do I top that?!" I got a few lewd responses and had ask people to remove their comments and be respectfull. I'm friends with my 10 year old neighbor girl, the minister at my church, etcc. Some people are just clueless!
Honestly, there is nothing on my facebook that I would be uncomfortable showing to SD, my grandmother, SO?s sister or my former youth pastor. They are all my facebook friends, so it?s pretty clean. The only problem is that it has taken BM a year to get to a point where she isn?t being openly hostile about me to SO and the kids and is even being nice most of the time. I really don?t want to mess that up by having her look at pictures of me and SO or me and the kids on my facebook and her getting upset. I also don?t like the idea of having to be constantly nervous about what I?m posting and running it through the ?will this upset BM? filter. But, since I don?t live with SO, we?re not married yet, etc it?s REALLY flattering for her to ask! I?m so torn.
Tell her that you don't friend anyone until they are 16.
Is it that big of a deal though if BM were to see what you post? You shouldn't be posting anything that you don't want everyone to know about anyway.
Can you just change the settings on the photos if you think that will upset bm?
In your case I would do one of two things. Accept the friend request and adjust your settings, or tell you there may be some things that are not appropriate for her to see, so you would rather wait until she is older to accept her friend request.
Or block her and she won't be able to find your profile to ask to be friends.
the majority of my friends/colleagues even my mom is on limited access. It's nothing personal, I just don't need my 500 friends checking out where I vacationed to this month, kwim?
I would just do limited access and explain because of your job/school/personal reasons you have to keep your profile really private.
I would NOT give in and give her full access under any circumstances
You can put pictures on a setting so only friends can see. (not friends of friends)