- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
November 2011 Moms
How do you feel about others holding your newborn?
My close friends have a 2 week old baby boy, and every time I see someone ask to hold their baby, I automatically assume the baby's mom is going CRAZY on the inside just waiting to get him back! Especially when it is people they are not very close to (or even strangers at Wal-Mart who stop them like they are a free petting zoo!)
Anyways, I am realizing that I may have a LOT of hidden anxiety about letting other people hold my newborn baby- do you all feel this way? What do you say to someone who asks to hold your baby, and you really don't want them to? Or what if my MIL holds her for waaay to long, and it is just killing me inside!? GAH! I don't know why I have been so worried about this lately!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you feel about others holding your newborn?
I was ok with friends and close family holding DD. Honestly, it's not like anyone really wants to hold her for hours on end. And since she had to eat so often anyway it was easy to say, ok, time to eat, and take her back. Honestly, those first weeks DD was practically attached to me and having someone else hold her and comfort her a bit was nice.
No strangers get to hold my kid. I think it's really really weird when strangers want to hold my baby. I've read posts on the bump before about strangers picking up babies from strollers while the moms are mortified and I can't imagine them LETTING that happen. I would smack a beyotch down.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
I agree with PP, I am happy to let friends and relatives who want to hold LO to do so. I draw the line at kids. My BIL and SIL have three kids 15,13,11who will want to hold the baby but I am not so sure. I am okay with the older two but the 11 yo...we will have to wait and see, plus I am afraid if I let them hold the baby then DH's cousins who have kids ages 2-13 will want to do the same and I am not willing to let that happen
I would never allow a stranger to touch, let alone hold my baby. I would flat out decline. If someone ever reached over to pick up baby I probably would tell them to stop.
Friends and family (even 12 year old sister), I'm okay with...as long as they don't want to hold her for HOURS (like MIL).
My sister just had a baby 2 weeks ago and that kid has been passed around so much, but I don't know if it bothered my sister or not (it would have bothered me, at least how quickly he was passed around). She also let my 2 year old "hold" him...but either myself or my mom were actually holding him and DD just felt like she was. If it had been reversed, I'd be okay with it too...but at the same time, I will not let my 5 and 8 year old neighbors/friends' kids hold the baby.
ETA: Strangers are so NOT okay! I never had a stranger try to pick DD up, and no one ever really tried to touch her...but we also kept the shade up on her carrier or I had her in the Moby so we didn't have her easily accessible for just that reason. If someone tried to touch, let alone GRAB her, they'd be getting an earful from a normally reserved me.
I wouldn't let a stranger hold my baby, and certainly not a newborn.
I won't lie, it was sometimes hard to share DS. Especially when he was first born. I did want other people to hold him, especially close friends and family, but at the same time I'd get this almost primal urge to have him close to me, so it wasn't always easy.
Eventually I just learned to ask for him back if it had been too long, although that rarely actually happened.
You never know, too, if someone wants to give them back to you but they don't know how to do so politely! I was holding DH's cousin's newborn once when she started to fuss, keep spitting out her paci, and tried to eat my arm. I thought she might have been hungry, but when I tried to give her back, her mom wouldn't take her!
Is your friend really having strangers in Walmart ask to hold her baby? That's completely out of line and I'd just say "no."
When our son was born, I'll admit it, when family members were holding him I had to grit my teeth and pretend it wasn't the worst thing in the world
Yes, I had (and still have in some ways) crazy over protective mama bear instincts and I think that's pretty normal. Don't worry about it if you FEEL like you never want anyone else to hold your child. It's how you deal with those feeling that count.
I knew if I expressed a lot of anxiety over it, my baby would pick up on that and I didn't want a fearful neurotic child. I would smile and pretend it wasn't killing me. Eventually, I got used to it and it got better. Also, I didn't allow "pass the baby" to happen. Partly because it was the middle of a pandemic flu outbreak and partly because I wanted my baby back. He never went from person to person, he always came back to me. Breast feeding was a great excuse. It needs to be done fairly frequently and no one else can do it. And, just not being shy about saying, "okay, Mommy wants her baby back" every so often.
Don't worry, even if it makes you crazy at first, it does get better as time goes on.
Ugh - I am severely worried about this very thing. I have been protective over him NOW, so how am I going to feel when he's actually outside in the real world? I'm so afraid I won't want anyone to hold him, especially within a few hours of giving birth. He's MY baby, and I feel like after all these many months waiting to meet him, I'm not going to want to share! LOL. I especially am going to be annoyed with my SIL, I already know it. She and I were pretty good friends prior to me getting pg, but now - all I can think is that it's purely jealousy (although, no one's stopping her from getting KU) - she doesn't want anything to do with me, and will do everything she possibly can to NOT bring up the baby or my pregnancy. Once he gets here I know she's going to be all about 'HER' nephew...and that is going to kill me. I know this is my own problem...but I can't help being protective over my baby.
Okay - vent over - I'm just saying I can relate, that's all.
Surprise BFP# 5 - 9/2/16 - Due 5/13/17
Close friends/family- go for it. Its just not a battle I choose to fight. I'm due the Friday before Thanksgiving, and we have family from all over come to our town to celebrate Thanksgiving every year (our grandparents, and aunt and uncle live here)...so I know there will be a BUNCH of folks expecting to get some cuddly baby time. We'll indulge them as much as possible- I'll be breastfeeding, so that will give my H and I plenty of reasons to sneak off and spend quality time with this kiddo.
Strangers though? Hell no. I'll say something to the effect of "I'm sorry, she appears happy to be where she is at right now, its not a good time" if its someone at church or something, and if its someone at the grocery store or something- a true stranger I probably give them a strange look and just say "I'm sorry, its not a good time". Though I doubt we'll have her out and about in public too much. I'm buying a carseat canopy from an Etsy seller that will hide her most of the time- I'm hoping that will prevent most people from touching her, asking to hold her, etc.
DD was born the day before Thanksgiving, so we were bombarded at the hospital. (NOT happening this time)
By the time Christmas rolled around, she was still tiny (she was born nearly a month early) but I was more ready for others to hold her. I wasn't shy about asking for her back, and nursing is a GREAT excuse.
The only people that really stressed me out were certain in-laws. They thought nothing of lighting-up while holding her (it flabbergasted me! I didn't even realize that people actually smoke *inside* someone else's home) - I stopped it quickly but it stressed me out. And I busted FIL feeding her a marshmallow-jello dessert when DD was 6 weeks old, so he isn't allowed out of the room with DD at all.
I too will have the rule that baby comes back to me (not passed-on to someone else)
Try not to worry too much about it, it will be nice to have your arms free at times, and don't be shy about asking for LO back - everyone will understand!
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt
Looking at the other perspective, having been the friend or family member before who has gone to visit the new baby, I personally don't like holding infants. I'm really afraid of their heads and necks. I would rather just look at them or touch their feet or hands, but not hold them. I know alot of my friends don't like babies either, so I don't feel like this will be a huge problem.
I hope I can learn how to hold my own baby without being afraid.
You will be fine. I still don't like holding other people's tiny babies but I was fine with my own. I started to feel better when he was 6 mos old and not quite so fragile, but I'm not afraid to hold my own baby.
My first was born in summer and I let all friends and family hold him after using hand sanitizer and as long as they had not been sick in the last week (per pedi) - no strangers ever. This one will be born during cold and flu season, and as a second baby I imagine fewer people will visit anyway, but I will have fewer visitors. I believe my hospital severely limits visitors during flu season so probably only immediate family while we are in the hospital.
With our DS:
Family and close friends no problem. I was even okay with my nephews (ages 3-12) holding him. They just had to be seated and DH or I or their parents had to be right next to them. Never strangers! Although I never had a stranger ask to hold the baby.
With this baby:
I will mostly be okay, but since this time I am due right before cold/flu season we will be a little more cautious. We will probably limit time with nephews and be even more diligent about hand sanitizer and if you have been sick recently then no. Again strangers - NO WAY!
Like OP have said, Breastfeeding is a great excuse to get your baby back. They eat so often that no one will question you. You are mama and you set the guidelines, if others don't like it, TOUGH! Be reasonable, but if something is making you uncomfortable in regards to YOUR child, speak up and don't feel guilty. Mama Bears Unite!