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December 2011 Moms
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baby shower vent about mother dearest.

sarakiefersarakiefer member
in December 2011 Moms

I need to vent.  My mom basically TOLD me she's throwing my shower, which is fine.  However, I haven't really had a say in anything.  First, my husband and I had discussed months ago that we wanted the baby shower to be co-ed.  I know it's not traditional, but you should get to have a baby shower the way you want right?  Anyway she refused to have it be co-ed.  I gave in.  Then she wants to invite all of her friends but I can only invite a few.  And one of the ladies that I want there she doesn't like so she's giving me grief about it. 

Second, the location was between 2 places.  One I didn't want because it's in the basement of an old church.  And I mean REALLY old.  Anyway, she was waiting on a call back from the other location to see if the date would be available.  She called the place 2 days ago and he got back with her today and it's available.  However, instead of waiting for his call back, she sent out the invitations for the location I didn't want YESTERDAY!!  So now she's all p!ssy at me because I don't want her calling everyone to change the location.  I personally think it's lame.  Not to mention, she doesn't even have everyone's phone number.  The shower date is still over a month away, so it wasn't even necessary to send them out asap when the guy would be calling her back within a couple days. 

Third, she was going to put on the invitations that they should bring gift cards ONLY!!  Seriously?!?!  Thankfully, she told me about this before they were sent out. 

Apparently, I'm just an unappreciative brat.   

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Re: baby shower vent about mother dearest.

  • msBlackandGoldmsBlackandGold member

    Wow! Sorry you are dealing with that!  

    Here's my question. Is there any possiblity of a friend of yours (who is not invited to this shower) throwing you another shower?

    My mom and her friend are planning a baby shower. The guest list will mainly be of people my mom and she are close to (so pretty much a party for grandma-to-be---not mother to be, though gifts are for me and LO). Then my cousin is throwing a shower where the guest list will be of my friends (party for mother to be).

    Not sure if that's an option, but I hope it helps!

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  • LadyGolfer523LadyGolfer523
    I may get flamed for this- but in my opinion the only thing about your shower you should have a say on is who you would like to invite.  Someone is throwing this for you.  You are not supposed to "help" plan your own shower.  The location (as long as it is relatively convenient for you) is not your choice.
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  • sarakiefersarakiefer member

    imageMrsT52309:
    I may get flamed for this- but in my opinion the only thing about your shower you should have a say on is who you would like to invite.  Someone is throwing this for you.  You are not supposed to "help" plan your own shower.  The location (as long as it is relatively convenient for you) is not your choice.

    I didn't even get to have everyone on my guest list.  I agree that games, food, etc should all be up to her.  However, she gave me the option of the 2 locations.  And chose the opposite of the one I picked.  I really think it's just more of a party for her.  She doesn't care about a single thing I want.  I think I should at least have a little bit of a say. 

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  • sarakiefersarakiefer member
    imagemsBlackandGold:

    Wow! Sorry you are dealing with that!  

    Here's my question. Is there any possiblity of a friend of yours (who is not invited to this shower) throwing you another shower?

    My mom and her friend are planning a baby shower. The guest list will mainly be of people my mom and she are close to (so pretty much a party for grandma-to-be---not mother to be, though gifts are for me and LO). Then my cousin is throwing a shower where the guest list will be of my friends (party for mother to be).

    Not sure if that's an option, but I hope it helps!

    I wouldn't mind having 2 showers, but none of my friends have offered.  And I'm not going to ask anyone.  The closest friends to me are the ones that have already been invited to the shower my mom is throwing.  Thanks for the idea though :)

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  • RicolaRicola member

    imageMrsT52309:
    I may get flamed for this- but in my opinion the only thing about your shower you should have a say on is who you would like to invite.  Someone is throwing this for you.  You are not supposed to "help" plan your own shower.  The location (as long as it is relatively convenient for you) is not your choice.

    I agree with this. The host of the party gets to decide, sorry. It would be nice if she asked for and honored your opinion/wishes, but since she is the one paying for it, she gets to make the last call. 

    DS born 12/2011
    DD born 03/2014

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  • haleymay18haleymay18 member
    To be honest, your only job in this shower is to show up and smile and act thankful. That is about it. You are the GUEST of honor, not the host. If the host has questions or wants an opinion, she'll ask for it. Letting go of that control can be difficult but it sounds like you are really stressing yourself out for nothing. Showers are gifts in themselves and should be treated as such.
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  • LMH1209LMH1209 member
    I'd feel uncomfortable about the gift cards only request, too, and would have asked to have that changed, assuming I knew about it in advance. Everything else, though, seems to be in the realm of her prerogatives as host. She ultimately has the say over the guest list and location, although it's nice of the host to ask the opinion of the guest of honor.

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  • sarakiefersarakiefer member
    I just feel like the party is for me and my son and I should have a say in certain things.  She calls and asks my opinions for some things and then doesn't even listen to it.  In some cases, that's ok but it's really supposed to be about my son and I.  Asking for gift cards only is bad etiquette.  I agree MOST of the things should be up to her.  But it IS my child. 
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  • haleymay18haleymay18 member

    imagesarakiefer:
    I just feel like the party is for me and my son and I should have a say in certain things.  She calls and asks my opinions for some things and then doesn't even listen to it.  In some cases, that's ok but it's really supposed to be about my son and I.  Asking for gift cards only is bad etiquette.  I agree MOST of the things should be up to her.  But it IS my child. 

    Do you know how expensive & how much work showers are? I think this might be a good lesson in growing up for you. Showers are about you, that doesn't mean you get to plan them.

    someecards.com - I support Newt Gingrich's idea of colonizing the moon if it'll help me get away from Newt Gingrich.

    My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09

    My other baby is still a baby! Baby Boy 11-30-11

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  • NicoleD0516NicoleD0516 member

    imagesarakiefer:
    I just feel like the party is for me and my son and I should have a say in certain things.  She calls and asks my opinions for some things and then doesn't even listen to it.  In some cases, that's ok but it's really supposed to be about my son and I.  Asking for gift cards only is bad etiquette.  I agree MOST of the things should be up to her.  But it IS my child. 

     Sorry, I disagree. It's a gift! You don't get a say in choosing a gift. Yes, it's your son but it's you mother's gift to you. Just sit back and be appreciative of the fact that she's offered to throw you a shower.  I agree in that you should have been able to invite more people of your choosing. However anything outside of that is pretty unreasonable.

    Nicole 32| Julian 29
    Cooper: 11/20/11
    Julian: EDD 8/1/16
    PCOS & Endo. w/ DOR


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  • rubyjem00rubyjem00 member

    imageMrsT52309:
    I may get flamed for this- but in my opinion the only thing about your shower you should have a say on is who you would like to invite.  Someone is throwing this for you.  You are not supposed to "help" plan your own shower.  The location (as long as it is relatively convenient for you) is not your choice.

    I have to agree with this though I do think that it sucks that she didn't allow you to invite the friends that you wanted to invite.

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  • lala1608lala1608

    Yea, when someone else is throwing the shower for you, you should go with the flow...if you can't go with the flow, then refuse the shower.

    My sister's MIL threw her a shower that was in their hometown (middle of nowhere and 8 hours away from where my sister lives)...it was in a church basement (the only church let alone public place in town)  they served beef brisket and cookies made with lard and everyone in the town was invited (including the old men).  My sister got 8 quilts that all smelled like cigarette smoke and was criticized the whole time for wearing heels because it's "bad for the baby" but she smiled through the whole thing and was nothing but gracious about it because she knew how much it meant to her MIL...then her and I had a good laugh about it later.

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  • sarakiefersarakiefer member

    Wow, you ladies are really putting things in perspective for me.  I never really thought of it as a gift.  More like a birthday party.  I just expected to have one because of how my family is.  EVERYTHING is a huge deal and we have a party for every little thing.  I've always had a say in parties thrown for me before.  I didn't know this would be any different. 

    Also, I would never expect my mother to spend a fortune.  Both of the locations would have been free for her.  And the gift card thing had nothing to do with money. 

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  • Jen4033Jen4033 member
    I can say I kinda know where you are coming from.... this has not happened to me, but this is exactly something my mother would do to me if she was throwing me a shower. My being pregnant seems to be all about her vs the other way around. She has a very self-centered personality. It's not on purpose by any means & she always MEANS well, but she never thinks before she acts or says something. 

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  • DiademChiDiademChi member

    Sadly, your mother actually is in the right etiquette-wise (except for the gift-card). A baby shower is a GIFT given to you by the hostess.  Although you can state a few preferences, really, it's all her call.  You should really try to be more gracious and just accept it.  Many ladies don't even have someone to give them a shower, so you are still very fortunate.

    Thankfully, you did stop her before putting some as tacky as "gift cards only" on the card. 

    I'm sorry she isn't taking all your desires into consideration, but overall, you are still a very fortunate gal. 

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  • SaraTFSaraTF member
    It sucks that your mom is not taking your opinions to heart. But, it is her choice, she's the one throwing the party. Try to enjoy it. Remember that there are lots of women who aren't having showers. It's great that your family is doing anything, even if it's not what you would plan for yourself. Next time one of your friends/family is pregnant, offer to throw a shower, and you will get to make the decisions as hostess.
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