Gifts should rightfully be expected?!?! maybe a rant lol

Claudine2010 · August 2011

So I just need some opinions because I already have my opinion and its not going to change, I just wanna see what other people think about this situation

I personally think that its extremely tacky to show up to a baby shower and not bring a gift, like I just dont get it. I was always raised that when I show up to showers whether it be for weddings or babies, that you dont come empty handed. Somebody please join me here. I thought baby showers are about celebrating the life of a baby and one way that that is shown is through showering gifts.

Now I understand that there are situations where people may literally not have any money and cant physically purchase a gift and i cant be mad about that, but well able people just blatantly showing up to your shower empty handed, and eating all the food just fully emersed in the essence of shower, why did they not embrace the gift part??

My moh/bf/sis who threw my wedding shower is also gonna throw my baby shower, and she definitely agrees that its tacky as crap to just show up empty handed, and i know she is gonna try a tactful way to let ppl know that you might wanna bring a gift, and Im not mad at that at all

For all the ppl that disagree please dont yell at me all at once lol

Fianschneid · August 2011

I guess the most polite way I can answer is to say that you never know someone's situation. You might believe that they are well off enough to buy you a gift but there could be a story that you don't know. Those people would probably rather celebrate with you than stay home just because they couldn't afford a gift.

As far as being "fully emersed in the essence of the shower" - I've never known anyone who loves showers so much that they just can't stay away. In fact, most people I know find them pretty boring/painful but they go because they love the mother-to-be and support her emotionally, even if they can't do so financially.

Be a gracious guest of honor and send these people thank you notes for attending and sharing your special day.

sanriobaby · August 2011

I agree that it's very tacky to show up to any invited party w/o a gift, but it's in EXTREMELY bad taste for anyone to tell your potential guests that they need to bring a gift. Not only is that very offensive, but really crappy on many levels. I was raised that you never show up empty handed, and if you can't get something, then don't go. But not everyone is like that. There are gonna be some who will come empty handed (regardless of income), cheap out and get a $5 gift (regardless of income) and others who will go all out for you (once again, regardless of income). You can't dictate what people will want to or are able to spend on a baby shower gift for your LO. The only thing you may be able to do is to chose not to invite someone who you know is gonna pull that stunt on you, but even then, I think it's bad karma b/c a baby shower isn't just about getting gifts. I say, be gracious with everyone who attends and appreciate every gift that's given, big or small. The ones who are bold enough to show up empty handed w/o good reason will feel the judgement of the other guests who showed up as well. At least that's what I've seen the few times I saw this faux pas happen...

alliapistor · August 2011

I'm curious if the shower hasn't occurred yet why you think that some people (it sounds like a lot) will show up without a gift?

I can't imagine not bringing a gift unless I was invited to multiple showers for the same person. Then I wouldn't necessarily bring a gift to each if I even attended multiple showers. Or if it were a meet the baby party after the baby is born - not necessarily bring a gift (unless there was no shower prior to birth).

But there is no polite way to tell people that you have to bring a gift to a shower. If she simply puts where you are registered on the written invitation, should't that be a hint?

[Deleted User] · August 2011

Honestly, if I really couldn't afford a gift, I would make up an excuse and not go. I would be mortified showing up to a baby or bridal shower without a gift.

ces25c · August 2011

Showers are not the most fun in the world, but unless I am sick or have other obligations, I would feel more rude not showing up. I would still bring a card and apologize, but I've been to a showers where maybe 3 showed up out of 15+ invited. The guest of honor was pretty hurt that nobody was there.

No matter how well-off someone seems, not everyone discusses their debt or other financial obligations, so you can't possibly know if someone can afford a gift. It's hard to imagine not being able to afford a $15 gift, but I've had to borrow money from my mom just to spend that much a few times. Not everyone has that option.

I can't imagine how terrible I would feel if someone thought they were unwelcome because they couldn't bring me a gift.

ILoveRedVino · August 2011

overture:

Honestly, if I really couldn't afford a gift, I would make up an excuse and not go. I would be mortified showing up to a baby or bridal shower without a gift.

I agree.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

If it were someone I was close to and I had absolutely no money, I'd probably make some coupons for babysitting and/or house cleaning after the baby arrives. Heck, that would probably be a welcomed gift even if I had money to spend.

...Man I hope someone does that for me at my shower...

Liz4444 · August 2011

discobelle:

What kind of freak goes to showers to be "fully emersed in the essence of shower"?

This cracks me up.

I believe they sell "essence of shower" at bath and body works...

LIvie Dean · August 2011

I think it's rude and tacky to ask for gifts! You shouldn't expect everyone to bring you a gift. When it's your birthday or christmas do you ecpect everyone you know to give you a present? I think you should just be happy that they even came and be polite to them, because you never know their situation. Idk maybe it's just me but i was raised to respectful and NEVER expect something from someone. That's just bad manners!

EastCoastBride · August 2011

Ditto discobelle on all points.

HappyMrsK · August 2011

I guess I don't understand why you are assuming a large number of people are not going to bring gifts.

There is no tactful way to tell people they have to bring a gift. If you know from previous experience who the individuals are that will come "empty handed" then maybe just don't invite those people to your shower.

Personally, I would never attend a shower and not bring a gift, but I would also be very insulted if I got a invitation or someone told me to make sure I bring a gift to the shower.

DiademChi · August 2011

I find it odd to go to a shower and not even have a small gift ($5 or less buys a cute children's book at least). If I was that broke, I would simply decline and send a nice handmade card.

I disagree with some previous posts -- my mom and I love going to showers (bridal and baby). We have always gotten in the spirit of it and found it fun. Even before I was dating, I enjoyed it. I don't understand how some people find them boring or "torture" -- my friends also agree. Maybe those people have attended some very different showers?

couliegirl · August 2011

ILoveRedVino:
overture:

Honestly, if I really couldn't afford a gift, I would make up an excuse and not go. I would be mortified showing up to a baby or bridal shower without a gift.

I agree.

If I didn't have a gift to deliver, I certainly wouldn't torture myself by going to a shower.

And in response to a PP. A shower is called a shower because you shower someone with gifts. This is a very different breed of party than a Christmas or birthday party. It is a party designed specifically so the guest of honor gets a bunch of gifts.

greengirl0909 · August 2011

...um...not to be rude or tacky, but it sounds like maybe you have trashy friends? NO ONE I know would show up to a shower (gift giving event) without a gift...

rhubarb123 · August 2011

I totally agree with Diademchi.

If a guest does not have enough money to purchase a small gift they have no business going to a shower (wedding or bridal) which is a gift giving event. If it were another type of party where gifts were optional (birthday, baptism, etc) that would be different. When people go to a shower minus a gift it makes them look bad/tacky (although maybe they "need" the food?) If you can't afford a gift then decline the shower - simple.

I also love going to (and hosting) showers and so do my friends and family. Personally I actually don't know anyone who has said they feel showers are boring (or torture). I've been to some where I have left early but only because there were unruly kids there. If I wanted to be around kids I would have stayed home. lol

Claudine2010 · August 2011

good to see some people agree with me, and others seem to be confused on what i was saying, its not im assuming a lot of people wont be bringing gifts, its just my opinion that its tacky to not show up with a gift, to an event that is about gift giving, it is what it is, and to the person that said something about a bday or christmas, those are NOTHING like the purpose for a shower, get real here, any gift is accepted, even the small ones, but to show up empty handed i just cant get with that

EastCoastBride · August 2011

Claudine2010:
its not im assuming a lot of people wont be bringing gifts, its just my opinion that its tacky to not show up with a gift, to an event that is about gift giving,

But why the "rant" about it?

weddingbells2010 · August 2011

Skipped through some replies so forgive me if I'm repeating but...

... sometimes people show up emptyhanded because the gift was ordered and is being delivered. Or sometimes people plain old forget- 2 different people called me the day after my bridal shower profusely apologizing b/c the realized they never gave me the card in their purse. I'VE even left weddings and realized I never stuck the card in the cardbox, having to then send it in the mail after the fact.

A close friend of ours did not send a gift for my bridal shower and, I admit, I was put off by it at first. Not because I felt jipped over the gift, but I felt unacknowledged even though we had attended all of their celebrations and sent nice gifts. As it turns out, her husband lost his job and they didn't tell anyone. Money was tight and they couldn't afford it for several months. I got a shower gift in the mail three months after our wedding.

My point is, you don't know what people are experiencing or WHY they showed up empty handed. Be grateful for their company and the fact that they want to celebrate with you.

Trishes · August 2011

Wait what? Maybe I misread this - I'm assuming from the post that you haven't had your baby shower yet. And you're afraid people aren't going to bring gifts, so you want to tell them on the invite to bring something? Did I read that right?

Baby and bridal showers are specifically for gifting, so I wouldn't see anyone showing up without a gift.

Claudine2010 · August 2011

i said maybe a rant, meaning it possibly couldnt be, its almost a rant because its my opinion that im entitled to have and share with others, and your entitled to disagree, its almost a rant because it annoys me, and just like any other thing that annoys me i can rant about that also

Claudine2010 · August 2011

no im saying that, this is how i feel about people not bringing gifts to a baby shower, i would feel this way if i wasnt pregnant, before or after a shower, or just because its thurs, it may be throwing you off because i havent had my shower yet but its more like an in general kinda statement

Trishes · August 2011

Claudine2010:
no im saying that, this is how i feel about people not bringing gifts to a baby shower, i would feel this way if i wasnt pregnant, before or after a shower, or just because its thurs, it may be throwing you off because i havent had my shower yet but its more like an in general kinda statement

I was just wondering what exactly brought this rant on, since showers are SPECIFICALLY gift giving occasions, so I don't see a reason to show up at one and have to bear through it without a gift.

I guess I also noticed how you mentioned your hostess may put something on the invitation about please bring a gift or whatever. Which would be a super tacky thing to do. The registries should be put on the invitations. This should be enough to let people know that this is a gift-giving event, if indeed they've lived under a rock for the entirety of their lives and have no clue about showers.

Disneygeek77 · August 2011

I am a little confused. Are you talking about a specific person that has a history of showing up to events like this and not bringing a gift ? That is just weird unless the person is older and maybe has trouble getting out of the house. My grandma did something similar but I was ok with it.

apeydawn214 · August 2011

overture:

If it were someone I was close to and I had absolutely no money, I'd probably make some coupons for babysitting and/or house cleaning after the baby arrives. Heck, that would probably be a welcomed gift even if I had money to spend.

...Man I hope someone does that for me at my shower...

This. If I couldn't afford a gift, I would offer to help cook, clean, or babysit. Fancy gadgets are nice, but help around the house is amazing.

Claudine2010 · August 2011

The rant stems from personal experience, i.e. being at several showers and seeing ppl show up empty handed and thinking to the future to my own shower and thinking IF someone shows up without a gift how tacky it would be

Disneygeek77 · August 2011

So are you inviting these same people to your own shower ? Are you sure they didn't put money towards a group gift ? IMO that is pretty strange and pretty rare. I wouldn't say anything on my invites though. If I was inviting the same people I would either not invite them ( mostly because I wouldn't want them there in the first place) or I would just suck it up and not let it get to me.

Claudine2010 · August 2011

i mean some of these people I dont know, so i wouldnt be inviting them regardless, im was just thinking personally when im invited to a shower i know the purpose is to bring a gift so thats what i do bring a gift, thats why i dont understand why people dont bring gifts to shower, besides the obvious reason that everyone keeps bringing up as if i didnt know, when that person doesnt have any money to do so

Disneygeek77 · August 2011

Yeah if the person is only there for free food, then yeah I see your point. Gifts pretty much are the whole point of a shower, hence the name shower. There are a few times I could think of expections though.

Don't have money but came at the insistence of the MTB or the bride or the host.

Put money towards a group gift and didn't make a huge deal about it and didn't feel the need to announce it.

Already attended one or two showers for the same person and the same occasion ( a sister who went to the shower with her own side of the family and then went to the MTB ILs side too). For example, my mom and sister were invited to my work surprise shower and I really don't think they brought a gift. They already bought big gifts for a future family shower and were told that their presence was all that was needed.

Alliebooberz · August 2011

O.O

*backs out of post*

Liz4444 · August 2011

My mother went to a baby shower in NYC for a MTB who lives in Boston. They were having twins and my mother bought both of their carseats and had them shipped directly to Boston. Are you saying my mother shouldn't have gone to this shower or brought another present because she didn't show up at the event with the gift in her hands?

SBattert · August 2011

I totally agree with this! Honestly, there are some super inexpensive baby things out there so a person who couldn't afford one of the small <$5 gifts, probably shouldn't waste their gas coming.

The intention is to shower you with gifts, not to fill an afternoon and enjoy the free food, drink and company.

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Gifts should rightfully be expected?!?! maybe a rant lol

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