WWYD - 2 year old sad at daycare drop off (long)

vtkgirl77 · August 2011

DD#1 has been at her current in-home daycare since Feb. She's done really well there thus far. They do a ton of fun activities and the DCP is really great and someone I trust. It used to be that when we dropped her off, she would run into the room and start playing and wouldn't even say good-bye.

For the past 2 months or so, DD#1 seems to be going through an attachment phase to DH and I. Whenever DH or I take her somewhere, she asks for the other parent and gets upset that the other parent isn't there. This has also been impacting the drop-off to daycare because when I drop her off she makes a horrible sad face, gets really shy and clingy, and doesn't want me to leave. The DCP says that she gets into the swing of things after I leave and does fine.

One morning when she was upset, I went inside with her and tried to get her to play with some of the toys and she held on so tight to me and didn't want me to leave. So, I've been trying to make my drop-offs quick and I don't linger too long. This morning she was making a horrible sad face and so I gave her a quick hug, said good-bye, tried to get her to give me a high five (which she didn't) and then quickly left before she got more upset. I know that the DCP gives her special attention after I leave and tries to get her engaged in something.

But, I started wondering this morning if I'm taking the right approach or not. Clearly, this transition is hard for her, especially on Mondays after a really fun family weekend. So, what do you do in these situations? On one hand, I don't want to stay too long and make the good-bye a long drawn out process, but on the other hand, I want to support her emotionally.

Hey Jellisy · August 2011

We've gone through this on and off with DD #1. Usually it lessens within a month. When she was at DCP it was triggered once by her good friend leaving to go to preschool. She was just bored and lonely for a while since her friend really initiated play. Another time I don't know what the cause was, but she would fight going to DCP in the morning. And just as often she would be reluctant to leave in the afternoon. I just think changes were hard for her. Even ones that have always been part of her schedule.

DCtoLowcountry · August 2011

Can you enlist the DCP for help? We went through this with DS. The DCP would present DS with one of his favorite toys as soon as he arrived, so he made the connection that daycare = fun again. After about a week of doing this, he was over the teary dropoffs.

tomandcourt · August 2011

We've been going through this with J for a few weeks, and I figured it was just an age thing. It definitely helps to distract him with toys or food (they get breakfast at daycare). Another thing I do is something I also do with him at bedtime, which is when I'm ready to leave I say, "OK - one last hug (hug), one last kiss (kiss)," and he knows that I'm not going to linger after that and it means goodbye.

Oh, one other thing - part of J's issue I think stems from a girl in his class who's a bit of a bully. She's bitten him (and others) in the past, and is just a little more physical (not necessarily violent) and he doesn't like it/her so he's a little nervous about being around her. You might want to check that she's not having issues with any of the other kids.

tracy042206 · August 2011

We went through this with Maggie too, right around 2yo as well. I didn't know if it was the age or that Molly had been born recently. I really just tried to get out as fast a spossible because staying would just prolong the tears. DCP would often call me not 5 min down the road and let me hear that she had stopped crying and was off playing and having fun. It sucks as a phase, but hopefully she will get through it soon.

vtkgirl77 · August 2011

Thanks ladies. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I guess I do need to see if anything changed recently at daycare. For example, I can't keep track of which kids have left and maybe one of her good friends left or something. I'll talk to the DCP more to see if anything specific changed. I just feel so bad for her. She sticks out her bottom lip and looks so sad.

BirdGirl01 · August 2011

Not my kiddo, but the other baby in our nanny share is very attached to mom. Cries hysterically when she leaves. I just wanted to reassure you that it's short lived. You see the sad side. Since I'm usually there in the morning, I know that a few minutes after the other mom leaves the other little girl is just fine and is happily playing. It's hard to know that though when you're the one who leaves!

vtkgirl77 · August 2011

BirdGirl01:
Not my kiddo, but the other baby in our nanny share is very attached to mom. Cries hysterically when she leaves. I just wanted to reassure you that it's short lived. You see the sad side. Since I'm usually there in the morning, I know that a few minutes after the other mom leaves the other little girl is just fine and is happily playing. It's hard to know that though when you're the one who leaves!

So true. The DCP said that after I leave, that DD is fine. This is just new territory for me because up until now, DD has been so excited to get to daycare ever since she was very small. But the other good thing is that I know that it's not just daycare that makes her sad. When I was taking her to the pool on Saturday (which she loves), she started telling me in the car that she didn't want to go and she wanted to see daddy. But of course, she got over it and had a great time at the pool. It seems that it's just the transition that's hard.

Artslvr · August 2011

When the kids go in and out of "don't leave me" at drop off I do what you're doing - quick hug, kiss, reassuring words - then OUT. I always figure, what's the alternative? A long drawn out goodbye? That would be torture for me and ____ (fill in the blank with any of my kids' names).

It could be anything - it could be the age, it could be something new at daycare, it could be a NEW BABY in the house!

Which, by the way, is an interesting topic... because my DD #2 (2.5 yr old) has just recently become aware of her almost-9-month old baby brother. And she is just now acting out in the same way her (then 2 yr old) sister did when she was born. It's like she suddenly woke up to the fact that he is the baby now, not her. And she's pulling a lot of weird stunts.

So I think the new baby realization can hit these young kids at any point - and cause them to do all sorts of things - be clingy, be stubborn, regress in potty training (that's what DD #2 did recently for about a week), etc.

vtkgirl77 · August 2011

Artslvr:

Which, by the way, is an interesting topic... because my DD #2 (2.5 yr old) has just recently become aware of her almost-9-month old baby brother. And she is just now acting out in the same way her (then 2 yr old) sister did when she was born. It's like she suddenly woke up to the fact that he is the baby now, not her. And she's pulling a lot of weird stunts.

So I think the new baby realization can hit these young kids at any point - and cause them to do all sorts of things - be clingy, be stubborn, regress in potty training (that's what DD #2 did recently for about a week), etc.

That's a really good point. DD#1 has been really great with DD#2 thus far and it hasn't seemed to have phased her one bit. In fact, she's always giving the baby kisses and loving pats. However, I have to be ready for the fact that one day she may start having jealousy issues or start regressing in some areas.

AgrippaRidesAgain · August 2011

What's her exact age? Your ticker for her is broken (unless today is her birthday?)

DS went through a huge separation anxiety/stranger anxiety phase all over again at 26 months. A lot of his little friends had similar problems at that age, and we all SAH. What worked with him was constant reassurance, leaving him quickly, and "practicing" leaving. He has always done really well with acting out things that are bothering or frightening him. We role play, he learns how things are going to work and all of the possible ways that they can happen, and it makes the real thing a little bit easier.

Could also be the sibling thing. When DD hit 1 month old, that's when DS realized she was here for good and started really acting out. It calmed down at right around 3-3.5 months old.

umdbride · August 2011

Maybe it could also be the addition of another new baby at daycare? I think between you and I we've doubled the amount of babies there, and at the same time no less! Maybe she's feeling the shared time issue a little more because it's at home and at daycare too?

FWIW I asked DH if he saw any sad kids this morning when he dropped off DS and he said he didn't Stick out tongue

cecilyandgautam · August 2011

I think this is really normal. I don't know if this would work for your daughter but here's an approach that works on some:

-Create a one month calendar and show her today's date (she may understand how it works or may need to start with a weekly one)

- Tell her everyday she gets a good start to the day, she earns a sticker for the next month.

You can ask her what would help her get a good start - ie, reading a story at the day care before you go, singing her a song, playing a quick game with her, etc and once you've mentally prepared her for the order of the day, it may be less upsetting. Again, works on some, not on others - just depends on her personality and what kind of phase this is. Good luck!

vtkgirl77 · August 2011

AgrippaRidesAgain:

What's her exact age? Your ticker for her is broken (unless today is her birthday?)

DS went through a huge separation anxiety/stranger anxiety phase all over again at 26 months. A lot of his little friends had similar problems at that age, and we all SAH. What worked with him was constant reassurance, leaving him quickly, and "practicing" leaving. He has always done really well with acting out things that are bothering or frightening him. We role play, he learns how things are going to work and all of the possible ways that they can happen, and it makes the real thing a little bit easier.

Could also be the sibling thing. When DD hit 1 month old, that's when DS realized she was here for good and started really acting out. It calmed down at right around 3-3.5 months old.

She is almost exactly 26 months. So, yes, it could be a stage. Now that I think about it, I really started to notice this when we started potty training. I remember the weekend after we started potty training in full force, she had a lot of trouble going back to DCP that Monday. We had spent almost the whole weekend giving her our undivided attention because we were working on the potty training and I think she missed us. Anyway, I hope that it will pass because I don't want her to be sad.

vtkgirl77 · August 2011

umdbride:

Maybe it could also be the addition of another new baby at daycare? I think between you and I we've doubled the amount of babies there, and at the same time no less! Maybe she's feeling the shared time issue a little more because it's at home and at daycare too?

FWIW I asked DH if he saw any sad kids this morning when he dropped off DS and he said he didn't

Yeah, it could be related to the baby. When I was on maternity leave, DD#1 still went to daycare so it was her domain. But now that DD#2 is there, it could be making her feel different. Glad your DH didn't see any sad kids :-) Whenever I pick her up, she seems really happy. It's just been the drop-offs that are rougher lately.

Sofka · August 2011

I just want to add that it took awhile for my DD to start showing jealousy towards DS and start regressing and wanting to be the baby.

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WWYD - 2 year old sad at daycare drop off (long)

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