Friends and their "windows"

apollonia10 · August 2011

I have a few friends who are newly married or getting married, and several of them have confided in me that they have a "window" during which they'd like to get pregnant. One wants to get pregnant right before Christmas - another wants to have her baby during the 3 weeks that she has off during school next year. They just assume that this will happen exactly when they want it to. I don't wish them ill - I hope they do get pregnant because I don't want them to feel the pain of not having a baby - but at the same time...augh. I'm so torn because I want to be supportive, but I also know firsthand that you can't always program the perfect time to have a baby. I don't want to take away their innocence, because I know my innocence was taken after my m/c and losing my "perfect window." On the other hand, I want to shake them - don't they know how grateful they would be with a baby at ANY time??

I also don't know how I will react if they actually manage to get pregnant in their window.

Anyone have friends like this?

kzawisl · August 2011

I do. Or I did, anyway....most of them pretty much hit their window. Lucky fertiles! I figure it isn't my place to rain on someone else's pregnancy-planning-parade, but I HAVE had a few friends miss their "window" and they realize it's NOT totally in their control. It's a hard road.

MH and I have only been doing IF treatments since March, but I swear to you, I have had like 18 pregnancy announcements since then. It never gets easier hearing that your friend who has been trying for 10 minutes is KU, but I try to be happy for them and be supportive as best I can.

brookelynpaisley · August 2011

I think I'd have to say something along the lines of "good luck, I hope that works out for you." It seems like the people that are the most naive are the ones who get lucky, thus perpetuating the myth that getting pregnant is easy. I have to resist spouting all my knowledge and raining on their parade (and also inviting "if you just relax" comments at the same time). It's frustrating, but it is what it is. I know it's hard seeing people get pregnant easily, but it happens and how we deal with it determines our attitude.

Mrkyrain · August 2011

I hear this from friends too and I have to bite my tongue to not make some snarky comment. The thing is, I feel like it's natural to feel like you can plan a big life decision. For most people it works out. I am a teacher and totally thought I could plan the perfect time to have a baby and get the max time before going back to work. That was two years ago. Now I will just be thrilled to have a healthy baby at any point. It makes me sad that reality slapped me in the face but I try to let others stay blissfully ignorant. Maybe they will be the lucky ones and if not they will realize soon enough.

LnA5909 · August 2011

I have a bit of an opposite issue. None of our friends, for the most part, are in the baby making game(that I know of). Heck, most of H's friends are still in the dating game. So to discuss planning babies is odd, but saying we're during IVF is even worse. Most of the time we get the, "what, why? You're so young" Yah, well, my sh!t doesn't work so what choice do I have?

vagueintentionally · August 2011

edited

babina868 · August 2011

I have to admit that at one point I also had a window -- I was in school and I was aiming for Christmas break. I look back and can't believe that I was so ridiculous. I just didn't know anyone my age who had IF or took more than 2 months to get pregnant. I think for the most part, you have to just let that kind of ignorance go and let them think that it's possible, and a lot of time it is!

My sister is in med school and she's aiming for a window too, but I feel like I have less patience for her -- she knows we're headed to IVF and we've been trying for nearly 2 years, plus she's in med school and just studied ART. She has no excuse!

BeeBee08 · August 2011

vagueintentionally:

Definitely. I usually play along and roll my eyes behind their back...

me too. And a lot of times, these people actually do get KU in their perfect window and while it's great for them, it's super annoying. And those are the girls that end up on the bmb's and annoy the sh!t out of me!

OnTheLanai · August 2011

vagueintentionally:
Definitely. I usually play along and roll my eyes behind their back...

ME TOO. LOL Oh to be that naive again...

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