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November 2011 Moms
mama&baby
member
Shower woes.... (little long...sorry I'm being hormonal)
mama&baby
member
After trying to hint around it for awhile and no one taking the hint I decided to straight up ask my aunt if she knew if anyone was planning a shower. I hoped if she didn't that she might jump on the opportunity. Instead, I got this reaction....
" I am not a believer in baby showers, we never had them and would give gifts when the baby was born. that being said if someone had one for you of course I would be there. I feel like people want to know if you have registered with anyone for the baby and would love to get what you need off the registry."
So I wrote back essentially saying that I would speak with my MIL about it and see what she wanted to do... and said I felt awkward sending out a registry list without having some sort of party. I mean I guess it's a generational thing but still. I feel like a child getting this upset about it-- I'm sitting here fighting back tears. I have nothing against my MIL (other than the fact that another member of my in-laws may help plan it and we don't get along--she would be the last person I would want to help) but I felt that my family should be jumping to do this for the baby and they aren't. I guess part of my disappointment comes from the fact that my mom passed when I was younger, and I know if she was here she would already have some elaborate shower planned and be super excited about it. Now all I seem to get is "let us get you something off your registry so we can say we sent you something". I can appreciate that people want to buy us some presents... but I also wish it was more than that, too. Sorry for the rant I'm just trying not to be upset...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Shower woes.... (little long...sorry I'm being hormonal)
Putting myself in your shoes while reading this, I believe I would feel bad about it too. So sorry about your mom not being with you.
I would assume that asking your aunt about it would let her know that you wanted a BS. I agree with the registry part with no party, it's a little off. I hope someone steps forward and gives you a great Baby Shower!
I would be upset too. But if it's the celebration that you feel like you're missing out on, could you throw a "Meet the Baby" party after LO's arrival? That way everyone is getting together for the joint purpose of celebrating the arrival of your child.
If you did do this, I wouldn't include on the invite where you're registered at. But let MIL and other family know so they can spread the word.
I'm a firm believer of recognizing what you have the power to change, and changing it. Try to identify why you're upset and figure out a way to change it if you can. Remember, you can't change other people, just yourself.
My mom is very old fashioned and it's not considered proper etiquette for the mother to throw a baby shower. So my mom would not throw one. I would never send out a registry list thought. I had resigned myself to not having one. If people asked where I was registered I would say at X. My MIL & SIL did throw me one and I was very happy and appreciative of that.(it was a surprise) My SIL had her shower thrown by her MIL as well.
You could tell your aunt if people ask you registered at X. It's OK not everyone gets a shower.
So she just emailed me back... her only response was "OK"
Bleh today is a pretty crappy Monday so far
Dont let it bring you down... I know it sucks
Thanks :-) No matter what happens in my RL... hopping on here with the really lovely ladies on this board can always make me feel better
THIS! This is a great idea to have a meet the baby party after LO is born.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I would feel the same way too. With my first son no one in my family stepped up and planned a shower for me, so two of my girlfriends (both of whom are moms) planned it and sent out invites to all of my aunts and DS's family. Most of them showed up, and my mom kicked in some cash for the food once they planned the whole thing. It was a nice time, and we got what we needed. We are having another boy this time, so I'm pretty sure there will not be another shower, but that's okay in my book.
Do you have any close girlfriends you could vent to about this issue and perhaps they might step up and plan something? You deserve to have this baby celebrated!
I'm sorry you are going through this, especially without your mom. In my family/community, baby showers are more of a rite of passage and an important ritual that is more about celebrating you becoming a mom than it is about the gifts. It's totally understandable that you would be disappointed and feel bummed no one has stepped up to do it. I like the previous poster's suggestion of a "meet the baby" party; that way you'll feel like you get to celebrate and invite those you care about. (And hopefully get some fun gifts which you so deserve!)