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Parenting after a Loss
ashleyrsotomayor
member
What do your days consist of if you SAH (or are on leave)?
ashleyrsotomayor
member
Technically I have been SAH since the end of May when school got out for the summer. I spent June working on things for my maternity leave sub, organizing the house and baby stuff, and lounging in the pool. DS was born July 5th. The first 2 weeks were just adjusting and recovering and enjoying our time as a little family while DH was off work. Then the next week my parents were out visiting. This is my second week of it just being me at home with DS. I have 11 weeks of maternity leave left, and I feel like I need to get into some sort of routine or schedule so I don't sit around on my butt for 12 weeks in front of the TV. It's kind of hard to do much right now unless DS is napping, but I want to start reading more books while he is nursing (so the tube doesn't fry my brain), make sure I have a cleaning schedule so the house doesn't continue to go downhill, cook because I enjoy it, and eventually start exercising when I can (not even sure when that is). Eventually I will try to get out with DS on my own, but it stays really hot here until November when I go back to work, so it's hard. I just don't want to spend the next 11 weeks in my pj's getting fatter and being glued to the TV. If you SAH or are on maternity leave, what do your days consist of?
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Re: What do your days consist of if you SAH (or are on leave)?
There really is no routine for me. It's really hard until the babes are much older and taking predictable, by the clock naps. I'm still in survival mode since Isaac is a cat-napper. When he's asleep I either collapse, Bump or FB, or get some cleaning done. Here's what happens on a model day:
- Wake up before him, shower, get dressed, empty dishwasher, get his bottle ready.
- He wakes up; change, feed, play for about 1-2 hours before morning nap.
- 1-2 hour morning nap; we run errands when he wakes up. SuperTarget usually.
- Down for afternoon nap (I do housework or relax)
- Get ready for dinner/DH.
- Eat dinner with DH and feed Isaac solids
- Isaac bath/bedtime
- We watch TV or relax until we go to sleep...
Days like today, where he fights me for an hour to sleep, then sleeps for 3 hours... I am at the end of my rope and trying to avoid cleaning like the plague. These days are more the norm right now.
Once it cools down and he's awake more, we'll go to the park, take walks and go to the pool in the evenings. (Yes, it's too hot and sunny for the pool).
Twin boys born too early at 17w4d and 18w2d in February 2010
Transabdominal cerclage placed September 2010
DS born at 35w1d in February 2011
Twin girls born at exactly 36w in February 2013
This! Just enjoy your time with him before you go back to work.
I'm pretty sure that S is in my arms about 16-18 hours per day (with my butt firmly planted on the couch). He will hardly let me put him down, whether he is awake or asleep.
Our schedule consists of: nursing, snuggling, playing, fussing and napping. Once DH gets home, he usually takes over baby duty so I can fix dinner, take a shower, etc. Sometimes I do some cleaning in the evenings, but usually it's baby-related, so my house is a disaster zone.
For now, I'm just letting S call the shots. I get next to nothing done during the day besides keeping his belly full and his diaper empty, but since they're only this little once, I'm trying to do my best to soak in all the snuggles while he'll still let me! I figure there will be plenty of time for routines and schedules later.
Each day is a new schedule. Right now I am trying to get me into some night-time habits. Nothing big, just bath, bottle, snuggles. I want to start reading him a book before bed just to start that ritual. I figure if I start simple things like that now, it will become the norm for us. But I am not stuck to this routine, life happens.
I need to be better at doing tummy time during the day. I would like to get to the point where we do it am and pm. But I just forget sometimes.
BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010
BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011
BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013
BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy. Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)
BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014
It took a little bit for us to get into a groove together, and each day is a little different based on DD's needs and how she's doing that day. Try to be patient with yourself as far as doing too much. We don't really do much cleaning during the week. We tag team it on the weekend so we can get it all done in a couple hours and switch off watching her. During the week I just try to keep things tidy and the laundry moving. I'm still trying to figure out how to integrate exercise (I've managed to get in some walks, some squats while I'm trying to calm baby down, and some pushups at night before bed, but that's it!)
But normally our day starts with her feeding, then I eat breakfast (holding her), sometimes she'll go back to sleep for an hour or so at which time I shower. Every other day I wash diapers. Every other day she gets a bath. Every day we spend a few minutes doing tummy time, then flip her over for play time on the activity mat for about 15 minutes. We read 1-2 books/day together. She typically eats every 2 hours, and there are diaper changes every 1-2 hours. Sometimes she'll lay in her Moses basket staring around "squiggling" while I wash dishes, or fold laundry/stuff diapers for a few minutes. Later in the afternoon she'll often go in the Ergo carrier for about 15-20 minutes while I get dinner started. Sometimes she'll take a 1/2 hour afternoon nap, during which time I'll either pay bills, write thank you notes, do a little tidying, water the plants or whatever else is begging for attention. Every day we go out on 1 exursion. Mondays we plan our menu for the week and go grocery shopping. Wednesdays usually involve a trip to visit one of the grandparents at work. Some days are just a couple errands or a dr.'s appt. I try to write in her journal every few days. I'm still working on her quilt, and when possible I work on filling in her baby book. When the weather is decent we go out in the stroller for a walk. The rest of the time I'm holding her, entertaining her, etc. I keep the tv on during the day a lot just to have some background noise. I Bump or read for a little bit at night before bed sometimes, but usually I'm tired and crash on the couch.
Hope that's helpful. I'm trying not to get too uptight about having a schedule, because just when I think she's in a schedule for feeding or sleeping, she switches it up a bit. So I'm staying flexible, and just enjoying the time however it ends up playing out...