Maybe I just need thicker skin...stupid guy comments

jpsquared · August 2011

I have one friend, a really good friend, but every comment he makes about kids/pregnancy lately seems to bug me.

Him: You're about to pop. You look like you've got a watermelon under there. On the plus side, you stop gaining weight in the third trimester, right?
Me: No, I'm going to gain about 10 more pounds.
Him: Oh. Have fun with that. (thumbs up)

Him (about a friend's kid, to a large group of people): Hey, our friends have the right idea. Instead of baby proofing the house, they just put a helmet on their kid because it's easier.
Me: Are you being serious? The doctor ordered him a medical helmet to reshape his skull.
Him: No, his dad told me that.
Me: His dad was joking.

Him (as we were leaving the gym): Well, you can swim more laps than me because you're more naturally buoyant.
Me: Huh?
Him: The baby makes it easier to float. Would it be rude to make a joke about going whaling?
Me: o_O

But then every once in a while, he says something nice, like:

Him: Is it true babies can't have any toys?
Me: It's true they can't have any toys in the crib when they're first born because it can increase the risk of SIDS, but they can have toys in the nursery, and can play with them as they get older.
Him: Oh good, because I have to get your baby something!
Me: Awwwww.

Fweetie · August 2011

A lot of people don't know how to talk to a pregnant woman. AND we take everything a little more personally than we would if we weren't pregnant My brother makes the "Good God, ur huge!" comments and just says stupid things. It's their way of being funny in a situation where they really know nothing. Just ignore him.

HPickle23 · August 2011

Some people just don't get it. Perhaps the idea of kids makes him nervous and his coping mechanism is to make a joke about it. I wouldn't let his stupid crap bother you since he's obviously just being stupid, but if it does I would just tell him, Dude that's not really funny and it doesn't really make you feel that good to hear his jokes.

Janimal · August 2011

I would try to take it as a compliment that he's even noticing, invested, and talking to you about your pregnancy. He's a bit clueless, but he doesn't sound mean.

ejagk · August 2011

I think a lot of the time it is just the guys way of making an uncomfortable or unknown situation easier for them. My husband has learned how to respond when I say I'm having a fat day or I'm feeling huge, where before he wouldn't really say much. Most guys are afraid of saying the wrong thing, so they think a joke will be better. Keep your head up- it is worth it in the end :-)

dianna_f84 · August 2011

Your friend sounds like my guy friends - single, no children, and dumb! But, despite their (often) thoughtless comments about our weight and pregnancy, they only mean the very best.

Try to brush his comments off. I'm sure he has good intentions.

mandarod · August 2011

I agree that it's hurtful, but in the end, you have to remember - he's a GUY. Pretty much everything that comes out of their mouths is a joke or the first thing that came to their mind. If it really bothers you, next time he says something hurtful, call him out on it. I'll bet you he doesn't even realize what he said was hurtful to you.

Joshtree23 · August 2011

I agree with PPs that he is just clueless and not mean. I had a friend (female) who made a joke about a recent law that banned abortions at 20 weeks saying, guess you're out of luck now. I was absolutely shocked and didn't know what to say. She ended up apologizing after I explained how hurtful it was, so maybe that would help. For me though, I am now limiting my time with people who don't get it. Not worth my stress.

tnleigh · August 2011

Sneaking over from 2nd trimester but I just had to comment. I think guys just have no idea how to react to pregnant women. One of the guys who works in my building is really a sweet guy but he's always saying the wrong thing when I see him. This week we were in the elevator together and he said, "So have you gotten all irritable and grouchy yet?" When I said no, I was still my usual charming self, he said "Just wait, when you get really huge and start swelling it changes your personality."

Um. Really, dude?

MNCP · August 2011

Aww! He's going to buy your baby toys, that's sweet.

It sounds to me like he's just not yet a dad and doesn't quite get it yet. But the fact that he's going to buy the baby toys and is paying attention to the baby/baby bump at all seems sweet to me.

I thought the helmet thing was kind of cute. (I have a warped sense of humor about some things).

My prediction is that guy will be your baby's favorite "uncle." He'll be the one to roll around in the yard w/the baby and play.

Djcieply · August 2011

I agree that he probably just doesn't know what to say to you and that he's not intentionally being mean. I work with pretty much all guys and I've noticed the ones that don't have kids try to joke more and it comes off as mean I.e. My boss said to someone the other day that "good thing she's delivering before Thanksgiving other wise she could be in the Macy's parade" keep in mind this man is probably 5ft 2in and 250lbs. So I just said "Well at least my belly will be deflated by then....when's your Due Date????" and that shut him up. The guys that have had kids and have been around pg women are way more respectful to what we are going through!

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Maybe I just need thicker skin...stupid guy comments

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