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Northern California Babies
The kid's no soccer star -WWYD?
J just started his 3rd session of soccer a few weeks ago. We've been taking him off and on since December and he's always seemed to enjoy it. Not *love* it but he definitely enjoyed it. But lately... not so much. The last two "classes" he has dragged himself around the field sometimes w/his hands in his pockets. In fact, at the last one he finally stopped and sat down on his soccer ball pretty much refusing to participate.
Part of the problem may be that the session starts at 3:45pm which seems kind of late to me. We've already had a whole day by then! But we do try to get back home from whatever activity we do during the day in time for his one hour "rest." Although, the reality is that he doesn't do much resting during that time (let alone nap). He's basically bouncing off the walls of his bedroom playing. Yeah, so the rest time is pretty much just for us. But we do try! Oh, and the class is only supposed to be half an hour long so it's not like he's being asked to run laps for hours.
I also wonder if it's the new coach. J has had a new coach with each session but DH and I aren't too crazy about this new guy. He's nice enough but apparently his "day job" is as a middle school teacher. And sometimes I think he expects these 4-5 yr-olds to have middle school level comprehension. He sets up these games that I think are too complicated for the age level, frankly. The other kids seem fine (if somewhat confused) but I wonder if J gets bored b/c he doesn't understand what he's supposed to be doing and so he gives up...
Oh, the new session has also been moved to a different park that we don't go to very often. The time before last J kept saying he wanted to go play on the playground rather than play soccer. We thought maybe that's why he wasn't interested then. So the last time we got there early so he could play on the playground a little first (only about 15 mins early). And he certainly seemed to have plenty of energy before class started!
Anyway, like I said, at the last class he pretty much just gave up. It was really, really frustrating to watch. DH, especially, got pretty annoyed. He finally said, "That's it. Let's just take him home." I didn't necessarily agree with him but by that time they were both annoying me so much I was ready to go too.
So, what would you do if this situation came up? I think before the next class I may talk to J and tell him that we made a commitment and we don't have to do soccer again but he does need to finish out the session he started (we're only about halfway through). I mean we paid the money for it already... But will that somehow leave him hating soccer? Should we not push it and just let him try again another time if he shows interest? I'd love any thoughts/comments/shared experiences!
Sorry this is so long, btw!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The kid's no soccer star -WWYD?
I start by saying our kid isn't in any sports yet (we both commute and find it difficult to manage time), so take this with a grain of salt. I also didn't get to do extra sports much as a child with a single parent family.
What I was allowed to do, it was understood from the beginning that I had made a committment and had to see it through to the end. (3-5yo gymnastics, dance, ballet, etc) I HATED ballet. I was/am short and have never had a dancers frame, I'm a natural klutz and just don't have very good balance. I HATED ballet.
But I had to stick with it and I really did try for the remainder of the session. My mom enticed me with the opportunity to do Jazz Tap if I followed through. It was the class just after ballet and I was in love with the rythmic sound of metal soled shoes slapping the polished hard wood floors. The want to move on to the next thing kept me motivated to finish what I had started in ballet. I won't say that I didn't whine about it, but I finished it.
That experience has stuck with me and is likely the root of why I cannot bring myself to quit a job without first having something else lined up. It's a great lesson and I think if you find something that J is passionate about to "reward" him with after this session is toughed out, you would be giving him a much greater gift in the long run.
If he were crying on the field or otherwise breaking down at the mental anguish of going, I'd say stop. Cause I'm sorry, but soccer isn't worth it. But just not wanting to play? With a coach who even mom thinks is a little wacky? Eh. Explain that even though it doesn't seem to be holding his interest, as a family you finish what you start (which is true, right???), and so he just needs to go to the next X sessions and then he doesn't have to go anymore. And be done. Until then, you and DH should take turns so you don't all have to endure the annoyance. Then at least someone is in a good mood to handle the rest of the day.
Personally I wouldn't make him do it. The money is gone already and participating and dislike/hating it won't help him. At his age I would ask him why he doesn't like it anymore, and from there decide about continuing or not. I think making him go to a class he dislikes would be counter productive. If he decides not to go and you feel that is okay I wouldn't sign him up for anything else till the soccer term is over and make it clear he doesn't get a new fun class just becuase he didn't like soccer.
Did he say he wanted to do it when you signed him up?
What does he say about how he feels about the practices?
I agree with you that I'd like him to finish his commitment, but I'd also really like to figure out why he's not liking it and try to problem solve that.
I think at this age it's all about exposure. Exposing the kids to various sports, practices, teaching them the beginning idea of team and commitment. Four year olds are so dang fickle it's hard to really cater to their "likes and dislikes" as they may like soccer one day and dislike it the next, sometimes it can be hour to hour. If it were me, I'd tell Ty we're going to stick with soccer; however, this week I'd like you to really try and participate for x minutes (hoping he'd end up participating the whole time but preparing myself for leaving early if need be). Since kiddos don't really have a concept of time, you could even give him the choice: 10 minutes or 15 minutes. Of course, at this fuuuuuuuuuun age of four, it could also be a matter of power struggle and not really about soccer at all.
ETA: there were times during basketball that Ty would walk to the sidelines and sit on his ball, completely uninterested in participating but we stayed. He watched. And eventually, he'd join in again when he was ready. I figured at the very least he's watching and learning!
Have you asked him his thoughts? My personal guess is that he was just having an off-night - especially if he's liked it before. Or maybe he's just bored with soccer? Or maybe it's the coach? Or maybe the sky was too blue? Or ????
Anyway - it could be any number of things. If it were me, I'd ask him (when we aren't on our way to the class) if he still likes going. And if he says "no" ask him why not - because he used to love to play.
I'd also not let him give up. I think it sets a precedence for not finishing what you start and honestly, those classes aren't cheap.
Good luck - hopefully he'll just tell you what he thinks. Who knows - maybe he'll be even more sad if you tell him that he doesn't get to go anymore.
Thanks for all your advice and comments, Ladies!
To answer some of the questions that came up: On the two occasions this happened we tried asking him why he didn't want to participate during the (frequent) water breaks throughout the class. We got either, "I don't know" or "I want to go play" or "I'm tired" or a shrug. And that was just in one class! lol So, yeah, he wasn't much help either. And I think someone asked if the class was his idea? It wasn't -he'd never expressed interest in soccer before but.... I don't think he ever knew what soccer was before either! At this age I think we want to just expose him to a few different things (based on what we -the people who know him fairly well- think he would be interested in) and let him decide what he wants to stick with. But I do think we'll make him continue this class since a commitment was made. And we'll try to find a good time to talk to him about it a little more and see if we can explain to him why it's important to us that he follow-through with this commitment. Anyway, I really appreciate everyone's suggestions and comments!
I am not sure about this whole "commitment" thing. If he had asked to play soccer and then you signed him up , then it's his commitment I guess if a four year old really has any inkling of that concept which I sort of doubt, but he didn't so it really is not his commitment anyway.
I think if he was continuing to have this behavior, I would just ask him if he wants to do it or not and if he says no, i don't think I would take him anymore, but that's coming from someone who doesn't have a four year old.