Confession, I'm scared

annabelleev · July 2011

Am I the only one?

My H and I want a baby very much. There is nothing we want more than to start a family together. We have a happy, solid marriage and we are ready, but I still get waves of anxiety about it.

One of my biggest fears is being too sick to go to work during pregnancy. What if I'm sick for a couple months and can't make it to work? What if I throw up in front of people? Will I have to live with my co-workers hearing me throw up in our public bathroom? I know about pregnancy disability leave but this would still possibly impact my future.

Another fear is the process of L & D. It's not so much fear of the pain but everything that comes with it, being so vulnerable and out of control in front of someone terrifies me.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety/OCD however it has been under control w/o any medication for years. Unfortunately the things that can occur during pregnancy are triggers for my anxiety.

I know that in the end it's all worth it, I know that we are ready and that we will be wonderful parents. How do I cope with my fears and enjoy this process a little more?

Last, I'd like to add that the majority of time I'm thrilled about ttc and starting a family, but there are times like right now where the fear is overwhelming.

Can anyone relate? Any words of wisdom? Clearly life goes on during the 1st trimester and I'm trying to convince myself that it will be fine.

pmarie33 · July 2011

zomg

What if you do get pg, have the baby, then it pukes all over you in public?

SteFizzRich · July 2011

I can relate to a degree. All that stuff is scary to think about but it's the kind of thing where you cross that bridge when you get to it. There's no use in stressing about it now. Stress is not really condusive to getting yourself knock up in the first place. And at the end of day, the end result of having a baby, will far out way any of the negatives of pregnancy. You just have to keep reminding yourself why you are doing it.

ETA: GL and hang in there. I hope this didn't come off in an "insensitive" manner. That was not my intention.

kennifer26 · July 2011

i would suggest maybe seeing an acupuncturist to help calm your nerves. i'm also nervous about morning sickness and i'm not that excited about L&D but DH and i really want a baby... so the pros out weigh the cons. my girlfriends/family that have all had children say the moment you hold that LO in your arms all the stuff that may have happened during pregnancy and anything that may have happened in L&D just melt awaway. don't stress yourself out. just keep your eye on the prize.

GL

amanda079 · July 2011

Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.

notquiteblushing · July 2011

I think a certain level of anxiety about the unknown is normal and to be expected. I suffer from anxiety as well and recently weaned myself off 2/3 of my medication so I know how you feel. I worry that getting pregnant could exacerbate my anxiety and then it will be too late to go back on the meds that were helping me before.

I think that you should be proactive about this process. Are you in therapy? I am and I talk about my fears for the future with my therapist. Also, knowledge is power. I've been reading up on pregnancy and childrearing for a while now just so I know what to expect. As far as I know most women are fine going to work for most of their pregnancy so you have no reason to suspect you will be different. As far as you coworkers hearing you vomit in the bathroom, don't even worry about that. It's none of their business.

Good luck. I think we can both do this. Big Smile

Rejufsovelem · July 2011

pmarie33:

zomg

What if you do get pg, have the baby, then it pukes all over you in public?

LOL! But seriously, don't worry about little things like that, you'll have a baby and it will be awesome!

workingmama · July 2011

It is all a very exciting time that means a lot of anxiety. Anxiousness, though, can be from excitement as much as from nerves, so try to concentrate on the positive parts. Pregnancy is something nobody can ever really explain to you and your body will react differently than anyone else's so you just don't know what will happen. If you are ready, just embrace the changes that will happen and remember that it is all for your future bundle of true joy. As for sickness, it may happen, it may not, but you will not be the first person your colleagues have seen get sick and it's not like it will be from being hungover. You will be fine. Enjoy the ride!

annabelleev · July 2011

EDIT: This was to pmarie33, I thought I hit the quote button.

Thanks for your insensitivity. I am aware of the fact that my anxiety might be irrational to some. However I can't help it, I've worked hard over the years to control it. Would you mock someone who was diagnosed with depression? Why mock someone who has anxiety/OCD?

I am prepared to have my baby puke on me, I'm aware that that happens and it's not related to what I worry about.

shadykatie · July 2011

I never have those thoughts

SheenaNash1 · July 2011

Wow, some of you ladies who are jumping down the OPs throat are really going to sit there and say that to someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD??? Seriously?? You are winners.

JenBride2005 · July 2011

Take a deep breath. Have you looked into any sort of relaxation methods? I have a history of anxiety (I've gotten to the point that I can feel it coming and now how to talk myself out of it). Maybe yoga, meditation, massage, refloxology, or just plain old exercise would be helpful.

To answer your question directly, yes. It's the same as anything. We question and fear the unknown. Cold feet on wedding day sort of thing. Learn as much as you can, but take everything with a grain of salt and learn to 'hear' yourself, instinct is almost always the right way to go.

As far as birth goes I would strongly advise you to seek a doula. I know the thought of a stranger being at your birth is sometimes new and unusual, but most providers including nurses and midwives are just too busy. It will be a big comfort for you to have someone who knows what to expect, when to expect it, and to be there the WHOLE time. Interview as many doulas as you need until you find someone who just clicks.

Also, with my daughter I had the same feelings, super excited most the time, then terrified sometimes. This time around too, most the time I'm excited and can't wait, then every once in a while I get this fear. I think it's normal honestly.

SteelCity44 · July 2011

annabelleev:

Anna, YGPM

amanda079 · July 2011

SheenaNash1:
Wow, some of you ladies who are jumping down the OPs throat are really going to sit there and say that to someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD??? Seriously?? You are winners.

I have anxiety.. but I don't use public forums on the internet to let it all out, personal choice - I don't want total strangers hearing all that stuff.. they don't know me, and most likely don't care. There are lots of forums online for people with anxiety, OCD and BPD.. which are probably the better place to discuss those types of related worries. Some ppl are more comfortable about it than others. Not trying to be offensive,...just sayin'.

salt78 · July 2011

OP...I have had issues with anxiety in the past as well and I totally understand where you are coming from. It's perfectly natural to have a fear of the unknown and some of your fears aren't far fetched (ie: work has been a challenge for me on some days because I have been really sick). You just have to keep reminding yourself that all those things are temporary and at the end you will have the most wonderful gift in the world.

If you don't practice yoga, I would suggest trying it out. After I stopped taking my medication awhile back, regular yoga classes really helped me to manage my anxiety.

LegallyBlonde217 · July 2011

amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.

Confused

huskymomma94 · July 2011

SheenaNash1:
Wow, some of you ladies who are jumping down the OPs throat are really going to sit there and say that to someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD??? Seriously?? You are winners.

I think OP had the unfortunate luck of posting during our influx of AEs/trolls/newbs trying to be hardazzes.

JenBride2005 · July 2011

mrs kennifer:

i would suggest maybe seeing an acupuncturist to help calm your nerves. i'm also nervous about morning sickness and i'm not that excited about L&D but DH and i really want a baby... so the pros out weigh the cons. my girlfriends/family that have all had children say the moment you hold that LO in your arms all the stuff that may have happened during pregnancy and anything that may have happened in L&D just melt awaway. don't stress yourself out. just keep your eye on the prize.

GL

I know you were just trying to help, but I had to point out that this is most definitely not true and sometimes a catalyst of PPD for some. It's normal to not immediately connect to your child, especially after a tramatic pregnancy or birth. This should be brought up to people you trust, and seek counseling if you feel bad about it. Don't beat yourself up though, just snuggle your baby and ask for help if you need it. It's important to be more proactive. Worrying doesn't solve anything, actually it's worse than doing nothing. Educate yourself and empower yourself to make decisions that will create a positive environment and experience for yourself.

CrawltheWarriorKing · July 2011

notquiteblushing:

I think a certain level of anxiety about the unknown is normal and to be expected. I suffer from anxiety as well and recently weaned myself off 2/3 of my medication so I know how you feel. I worry that getting pregnant could exacerbate my anxiety and then it will be too late to go back on the meds that were helping me before.

I think that you should be proactive about this process. Are you in therapy? I am and I talk about my fears for the future with my therapist. Also, knowledge is power. I've been reading up on pregnancy and childrearing for a while now just so I know what to expect. As far as I know most women are fine going to work for most of their pregnancy so you have no reason to suspect you will be different. As far as you coworkers hearing you vomit in the bathroom, don't even worry about that. It's none of their business.

Good luck. I think we can both do this.

All of what she said. Everyone has different fears and issues, it's good you are aware of yours and most importantly that you begin dealing with it now.

Best of Luck to you!

SheenaNash1 · July 2011

amanda079:
SheenaNash1:
Wow, some of you ladies who are jumping down the OPs throat are really going to sit there and say that to someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD??? Seriously?? You are winners.
I have anxiety.. but I don't use public forums on the internet to let it all out, personal choice - I don't want total strangers hearing all that stuff.. they don't know me, and most likely don't care. There are lots of forums online for people with anxiety, OCD and BPD.. which are probably the better place to discuss those types of related worries. Some ppl are more comfortable about it than others. Not trying to be offensive,...just sayin'.

Well that's your choice. A public forum is just that, she can post about her fears if she wants to. This is a TRYING TO GET PREGNANT forum, shes posting about something related to that, not strictly about OCD or anxiety. Sheesh...god forbid someone has fears about having kids, one of the biggest life changing events that could ever happen...some people need to step off their high horses.

salt78 · July 2011

amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.

Why? Because she is having completely a completely normal reaction to the idea of a huge, life changing event? For someone who as recently as last week was whining about how mean people can be here, you certainly have gotten big for your britches.

SheenaNash1 · July 2011

huskymomma94:
SheenaNash1:
Wow, some of you ladies who are jumping down the OPs throat are really going to sit there and say that to someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD??? Seriously?? You are winners.

I think OP had the unfortunately luck of posting during our influx of AEs/trolls/newbs trying to be hardazzes.

Good point!

reinstone · July 2011

And what if you're not sick?

tombomb84 · July 2011

I am sorry that you are feeling anxious and even though I can't totally relate, I think almost every woman has some fear about L&D and all of the unknowns that come with pregnancy and childbirth.

If it helps at all, I watched my niece being born 2 months ago and even though I was scared that it would be terrifying and change my mind about TTGP, it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen and not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Just relax and you will be fine!

amanda079 · July 2011

salt78:
amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.
Why? Because she is having completely a completely normal reaction to the idea of a huge, life changing event? For someone who as recently as last week was whining about how mean people can be here, you certainly have gotten big for your britches.

Actually, I wasn't complaining about how mean people were - the exact comments I made were in regards to making direct and rude or derogatory remarks..such as calling people "ignorant" for posting something on this board. My earlier comment, was honest, as was the comment that followed. I have not ever called someone stupid or ignorant, nor would I. I also find it odd that just in the past few days there was a similar post, that everyone jumped all over... so it's clear the opinions shift from day to day. Mine stands.

kennifer26 · July 2011

JenBride2005:
mrs kennifer:

i would suggest maybe seeing an acupuncturist to help calm your nerves. i'm also nervous about morning sickness and i'm not that excited about L&D but DH and i really want a baby... so the pros out weigh the cons. my girlfriends/family that have all had children say the moment you hold that LO in your arms all the stuff that may have happened during pregnancy and anything that may have happened in L&D just melt awaway. don't stress yourself out. just keep your eye on the prize.

GL

I know you were just trying to help, but I had to point out that this is most definitely not true and sometimes a catalyst of PPD for some. It's normal to not immediately connect to your child, especially after a tramatic pregnancy or birth. This should be brought up to people you trust, and seek counseling if you feel bad about it. Don't beat yourself up though, just snuggle your baby and ask for help if you need it. It's important to be more proactive. Worrying doesn't solve anything, actually it's worse than doing nothing. Educate yourself and empower yourself to make decisions that will create a positive environment and experience for yourself.

i was trying to help and be comforting, not bring up all the "what if's" that could happen. i also said that this was something that my friends/family have told me, which is something that i have kept in mind when i start to feel anxious about this whole process.

SheenaNash1 · July 2011

amanda079:
salt78:
amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.
Why? Because she is having completely a completely normal reaction to the idea of a huge, life changing event? For someone who as recently as last week was whining about how mean people can be here, you certainly have gotten big for your britches.
Actually, I wasn't complaining about how mean people were - the exact comments I made were in regards to making direct and rude or derogatory remarks..such as calling people "ignorant" for posting something on this board. My earlier comment, was honest, as was the comment that followed. I have not ever called someone stupid or ignorant, nor would I. I also find it odd that just in the past few days there was a similar post, that everyone jumped all over... so it's clear the opinions shift from day to day. Mine stands.

Psstt...you're trying too hard.

Ok, going back to lurking now!

salt78 · July 2011

amanda079:
salt78:
amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.
Why? Because she is having completely a completely normal reaction to the idea of a huge, life changing event? For someone who as recently as last week was whining about how mean people can be here, you certainly have gotten big for your britches.
Actually, I wasn't complaining about how mean people were - the exact comments I made were in regards to making direct and rude or derogatory remarks..such as calling people "ignorant" for posting something on this board. My earlier comment, was honest, as was the comment that followed. I have not ever called someone stupid or ignorant, nor would I. I also find it odd that just in the past few days there was a similar post, that everyone jumped all over... so it's clear the opinions shift from day to day. Mine stands.

I know what post you are talking about and by "everyone" you must mean the handful of people that jumped on it, compared to the two pages of people that supported her.

desertsun · July 2011

I think it's completely normal to have some anxiety about pregnancy.

Listen to NQB and Salt -- they both had great things to say. Focus on the positive, and find a calming activity to help you work through the anxiety. Meditation, yoga, therapy, whatever works for you.

Remember that millions of women give birth every day. This is something your body was built for. You CAN do it.

HTH and GL!

LovestruckAJ · July 2011

amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.

Oh geez. This is just like telling someone who suffers from depression to "just snap out of it." Confused Hardly words of wisdom, so don't flatter yourself.

amanda079 · July 2011

salt78:
amanda079:
salt78:
amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.
Why? Because she is having completely a completely normal reaction to the idea of a huge, life changing event? For someone who as recently as last week was whining about how mean people can be here, you certainly have gotten big for your britches.
Actually, I wasn't complaining about how mean people were - the exact comments I made were in regards to making direct and rude or derogatory remarks..such as calling people "ignorant" for posting something on this board. My earlier comment, was honest, as was the comment that followed. I have not ever called someone stupid or ignorant, nor would I. I also find it odd that just in the past few days there was a similar post, that everyone jumped all over... so it's clear the opinions shift from day to day. Mine stands.
I know what post you are talking about and by "everyone" you must mean the handful of people that jumped on it, compared to the two pages of people that supported her.

...i have no idea if we're talking about the same post salt, there were a couple that followed it and just kept going... at this point, it's quite irrelevant.

lin681 · July 2011

amanda079:
SheenaNash1:
Wow, some of you ladies who are jumping down the OPs throat are really going to sit there and say that to someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD??? Seriously?? You are winners.
I have anxiety.. but I don't use public forums on the internet to let it all out, personal choice - I don't want total strangers hearing all that stuff.. they don't know me, and most likely don't care. There are lots of forums online for people with anxiety, OCD and BPD.. which are probably the better place to discuss those types of related worries. Some ppl are more comfortable about it than others. Not trying to be offensive,...just sayin'.

Just because you wouldnt post it doesnt mean someone else cant. She is looking for support. geeez!

FreyaWin2382 · July 2011

salt78:
amanda079:
Words of wisdom... put your big girl panties on.
Why? Because she is having completely a completely normal reaction to the idea of a huge, life changing event? For someone who as recently as last week was whining about how mean people can be here, you certainly have gotten big for your britches.

Yes

lin681 · July 2011

Yeah, it is a lot to wrap your head around. Huge life changer. I really dont have any words of wisdom other than I am sure many ppl feel anxiety thinking about L&D!!!

GL in your journey. Sorry I wasnt more help!

amanda079 · July 2011

lin681:
amanda079:
SheenaNash1:
Wow, some of you ladies who are jumping down the OPs throat are really going to sit there and say that to someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD??? Seriously?? You are winners.
I have anxiety.. but I don't use public forums on the internet to let it all out, personal choice - I don't want total strangers hearing all that stuff.. they don't know me, and most likely don't care. There are lots of forums online for people with anxiety, OCD and BPD.. which are probably the better place to discuss those types of related worries. Some ppl are more comfortable about it than others. Not trying to be offensive,...just sayin'.

Just because you wouldnt post it doesnt mean someone else cant. She is looking for support. geeez!

...I didn't say that she couldn't post it.

annabelleev · July 2011

Thanks SteelCity, I replied.

Thank you ladies for the kind words and encouragement. Sometimes if helps to just talk it out, or in this case write it out and reach out to people who may have similar thoughts. I expected a few not so supportive posts, that's ok. I have taken all the supportive advice to heart and really appreciate those who "had my back." Smile

As for what I'm doing to control my anxiety; I run, do yoga and think about how lucky I am to be on this journey with my amazing husband. I remind myself that in the end it's all worth it and talk myself down when I feel the anxiety creeping in.

I'm definitely interested in working with a doula and having a med free birth. I know things can change once I reach that point but I know that I want to be mobile and in control. Just having the choice makes me feel calmer about L & D.

NotGabber · July 2011

annabelleev:
Thanks SteelCity, I replied.
Thank you ladies for the kind words and encouragement. Sometimes if helps to just talk it out, or in this case write it out and reach out to people who may have similar thoughts. I expected a few not so supportive posts, that's ok. I have taken all the supportive advice to heart and really appreciate those who "had my back."
As for what I'm doing to control my anxiety; I run, do yoga and think about how lucky I am to be on this journey with my amazing husband. I remind myself that in the end it's all worth it and talk myself down when I feel the anxiety creeping in.
I'm definitely interested in working with a doula and having a med free birth. I know things can change once I reach that point but I know that I want to be mobile and in control. Just having the choice makes me feel calmer about L & D.

You're approaching this very well. Having anxiety about this process is not unusual for a person who normally doesn't have anxiety, so you throw in a history of it into the mix, and it does seem overwhelming. The advice you've gotten here is good. There are obviously going to be things out of your control, but to the extent that you can be empowered (hiring a doula, having a birth plan, etc. are all part of that process), you will fare well. As someone who has "been there done that", I can tell you the process of pregnancy and birth is the easy part. Having walking human beings whom you're responsible for out there in the world is a much, much bigger deal. Good luck to you.

annabelleev · July 2011

reinstone:
And what if you're not sick?

Then of course I'll be super thrilled because not only will I get to be pregnant but I'll also feel great.

jenni888 · July 2011

With regard to sickness during the 1st trimester, you just never know how your body will react. I can tell you that it is more common than you think to not have morning sickness the way you imagine it will be because of things you have heard. Several women I know, as well as myself, did experience nausea, but not full-blown throwing up during the "morning sickness" phase. Not sure if that will calm your fears any, but morning sickness may not be as horrible as you imagine once you actually experience it.

amanda079 · July 2011

annabelleev:
reinstone:
And what if you're not sick?
Then of course I'll be super thrilled because not only will I get to be pregnant but I'll also feel great.

This is the mindset you should try and find a way to keep.

annabelleev · July 2011

jennilandia:
With regard to sickness during the 1st trimester, you just never know how your body will react. I can tell you that it is more common than you think to not have morning sickness the way you imagine it will be because of things you have heard. Several women I know, as well as myself, did experience nausea, but not full-blown throwing up during the "morning sickness" phase. Not sure if that will calm your fears any, but morning sickness may not be as horrible as you imagine once you actually experience it.

Interesting, thanks. I think I do imagine it being way worse than it may be. None of my friends have kids so I haven't really discussed what it's really like with anyone IRL.

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