I'm disgusted
I haven't written since my intro post a few weeks ago, but my story is basically this: husband met a woman when DD was 5 months old, cheated on me with her for a month, then told me he was in love and wanted a divorce. He wants to be active in DD's life, and he has been showing up to all visitations and has been good with her. The gf lives in Brooklyn; we are in Texas. He wanted her to move here in September.
I had originally wanted to wait until DD was 18 months to let him take her for overnights, because I wanted time for him to prove that she is his #1 priority. But then the lawyer said that at 1 year he could take her for overnights if I wanted. I told him that I could do the overnights starting at 1, but I asked him to wait on having the gf move here so that he can develop a really strong bond with DD (who, let's face it, doesn't even know who he is right now). My feeling is that with the gf here, DD will not be his #1 priority. He said I was making him choose and that wasn't fair. He also said that the gf and DD are of the same priority to him. This blew my mind! She is my everything; why wouldn't she be his everything, too? Why is a girl he's known for 2 MONTHS as important as his baby girl?
Am I out of line here? I was open to giving him time to bond with DD sooner than originally planned, but he's basically saying no b/c he wants the gf here right away. SIGH.
Re: I'm disgusted
My X has started acting similar with his new girlfriend. We actually just had a conversation about it last night (yay! not). I don't think you're out of line. If he doesn't want the extra time with DD, he doesn't have to have it. The fact that he says you're making him choose irritates me. It shouldn't even be an issue. Your child should always be first priority.
Honestly, if he's known this chick for 2 months, the relationship is long distance, and they're rushing into her moving across the country to move in with him, I'm not totally sure you'll have to worry about that relationship for long. When something starts off that intense, it usually fizzles just as quickly. Do your thing, be a good mom, and don't even worry about that asshat. If he comes to his senses for DD's sake, great, but if not, don't beat yourself up about it. It's his choice.
I would be upset too.
With that said, I wouldn't fight the visitation issue. With his GF down there he may or may not take all of the visitation he is awarded. Also, if he's a good father I don't think he should be prevented from seeing LO. Having a new GF doesn't make him less of a parent.
I feel that limitations should only be set with someone who has mental issues, addiction issues, criminal issues etc
Thanks. Good advice. And PP, I agree, I shouldn't push the visitation. I can't control what he does. I truly feel like someday he is going to regret making his gf the same priority as DD, even if they do stay together.
It's hard not to be so angry at him for not making DD his top priority.
you are not out of line at all! its pathetic to me that his gf of 2 months is the same importance as his child.
i dont see how that even makes sense.. but i guess mothers feel differently about their children than fathers sometimes. but still that blows my mind too.
my child will ALWAYS be way more important than anyone id ever date.
do what you think is best!
good luckk.