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Blended Families
In a perfect world.......
STEPMOM BILL OF RIGHTS
1. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.
2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
3. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
5. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
6. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
8. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
9. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
10. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together
2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
3. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
5. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
6. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
8. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
9. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
10. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together
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Re: In a perfect world.......
The ones we've dealt with through our entire marriage has been
#5, #9 & 10
Ditto, I'm tempted to take a picture of that with my cell phone right now and texting it to my dumbass husband
Very well said.
Especially #7 - SM feels that she has the right to our house as her child stays with us exactly 50% of the time. Not while I am still living and breathing.
What is the deal with that? F that!!
Who knows, she isn't all there.
this!!!
2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
Yeah, they can.
Hahahahahahaha. Clearly, this entire post flew right over your head.
I never held you, but I always loved you.
Baby Squirt- September 2009
Baby Turtle- May 2010
Baby Surprise- August 2011
I'm not on here very often anymore, but I have to say, this is something that should be distributed to every husband with the exchange of a ring. Generally, it should start with the exchange of the engagement ring to get them ready for what is going to happen. That way, they will not be surprised when it needs to be followed after the marriage.
I cannot agree more with this post.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
I have to respectfully disagree. I think baring any sort of emergency, if/when SS comes to live with us full-time, DH and I will sit down and discuss things prior to saying yes or no. Him living with us will affect my daily life, therefore I should be consulted. Odds are I'm not going to say no, I just want to know what DH thinks it's going to look like v. what I think it's going to look like.
Again, if it's an emergency and he needs to come stay with us NOW, I have always said; go get him, we'll work out the details later.
I have to respectfully disagree. I think baring any sort of emergency, if/when SS comes to live with us full-time, DH and I will sit down and discuss things prior to saying yes or no.
Oh, blarf. SS wasn't "consulted" before DH married you, and he was SS's dad before he was your husband.
I'm not saying couples shouldn't discuss things, but to act like this rule is appropriate is bullsh!t. You can't forbid your DH from allowing his children to live with him, and if you think you can, you have no business being a SM. I would never marry someone who thought they could assert their "rights" and deny me the opportunity to live with my children.
Oh, blarf. SS wasn't "consulted" before DH married you, and he was SS's dad before he was your husband.
I'm not saying couples shouldn't discuss things, but to act like this rule is appropriate is bullsh!t. You can't forbid your DH from allowing his children to live with him, and if you think you can, you have no business being a SM. I would never marry someone who thought they could assert their "rights" and deny me the opportunity to live with my children.
Did you miss the part where I said "odds are I'm not going to say no"? Because from your response, it sounds as though you did. I WOULD say no if SS is an adult moocher, actively addicted to alcohol or drugs, or otherwise violent towards family members. However, if he was old enough (12 in Texas) and wanted to come live with us full-time (which is a possibility, his siblings from BM's first marriage went to live with their dad at that age), I fully expect DH and I would sit down together and talk about what it would be like on a daily basis and yes, make some ground rules. Such as "no running back to mama's because you got mad at us."
In fact, DH already does this. Before he provides BM with a written statement of the dates he will use for summer visitation, he always checks the dates with me before sending them. I have never objected to them, but I am appreciative of this gesture.
And DH did ask SS his opinion on letting me be a part of their family before he asked me to marry him. He said yes.
And I can't even begin to discuss how sad I am that you wouldn't marry me. (insert smiley of your choice here because apparently google chrome doesn't like them)
I'm glad you wouldn't say no, but I think it's absurd and hateful to act like anyone could by right give permission or forbid a parent from taking in his or her own child.
After the past few weeks, I have to wholeheartedly agree with #2.
Sad thing is, I absolutely love my DSD. And she loves me as well - She is honestly one of the sweetest, considerate, respectful and loving people in my life. I am so blessed to be a part of her life.
That being said, I am ready to throat punch all of my SIL's on my husband's side of the family. If they make one more set of plans that intrude on our weekends with my SD (without asking her father beforehand!), I am going to blow. And yes, I agree that this is more of a DH problem for not standing his ground, but I am FED UP!
Carry on.
And thank you for allowing me to vent!
The rule does not state "must ask my permission" it just says "consulted". A SM should be informed and part of the process should a person come to live with her. As a SM a big part of the responsibility will fall on her shoulders and she should most definitely be part of the process of bringing that child into the home.
You will not convince me otherwise.
I agree a SP should be part of the process of bringing the child home to his/her bioparent, but not an unwilling or begrudging part. I still think this rule highlights everything that can go wrong in the mind of a stepparent and implies that somehow stepkids are incidental to the marriage of the stepparent/bioparent.