Blended Families

In a perfect world.......

STEPMOM BILL OF RIGHTS

1. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.

2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

3. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

5. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.

6. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.

7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.

8. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.

9. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.

10. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together
Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: In a perfect world.......

  • FloF9FloF9 member

    The ones we've dealt with through our entire marriage has been

    #5,  #9 & 10

  • Seriously debating making 500 copies of this to post around my house.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Loading the player...
  • imageLadybug720:
    Seriously debating making 500 copies of this to post around my house.

    Ditto, I'm tempted to take a picture of that with my cell phone right now and texting it to my dumbass husband

  • Amen.
    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
  • jrkjpfjrkjpf member

    Very well said.

    Especially #7 - SM feels that she has the right to our house as her child stays with us exactly 50% of the time. Not while I am still living and breathing.

    image

    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • bebe11bebe11 member
    imagejrkjpf:

    Very well said.

    Especially #7 - SM feels that she has the right to our house as her child stays with us exactly 50% of the time. Not while I am still living and breathing.

    What is the deal with that?  F that!!

     

  • jrkjpfjrkjpf member
    imagebebe11:
    imagejrkjpf:

    Very well said.

    Especially #7 - SM feels that she has the right to our house as her child stays with us exactly 50% of the time. Not while I am still living and breathing.

    What is the deal with that?  F that!!

     

    Who knows, she isn't all there.

    image

    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • imageLadybug720:
    Seriously debating making 500 copies of this to post around my house.

    this!!!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • #3 should be a SM mantra and should be quoted and used on here often when people are looking for advice.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • I am so glad you posted this. My DH and I fight every summer when the kids are here. We are having issues with 1,5,6, and 10. I'm glad I'm not the only one that needs the BoR posted.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageMrsHamilton2b:
    STEPMOM BILL OF RIGHTS

    4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

     
    I think number 4 is valid only if you're talking about adopting non-bio kids into your family. 
     
    Otherwise, this rule sounds ridiculous. 
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • imageJ&A2008:
    imageMrsHamilton2b:
    STEPMOM BILL OF RIGHTS

    4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

     
    I think number 4 is valid only if you're talking about adopting non-bio kids into your family. 
     
    Otherwise, this rule sounds ridiculous. 
    I think #4 is for j+k with the adult skids with the drama and the car payments and SS having his money stolen twice a day and needing her DH to replace it, wanting to live there but no job and doesn't help around the house etc. That's j+k right? Or am I thinking of someone else? I'm bad with names :(
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • 2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

    Yeah, they can.

  • imagearuiz1982:

    2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

    Yeah, they can.

    Hahahahahahaha. Clearly, this entire post flew right over your head. 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    I never held you, but I always loved you.
    Baby Squirt- September 2009
    Baby Turtle- May 2010
    Baby Surprise- August 2011
  • I'm not on here very often anymore, but I have to say, this is something that should be distributed to every husband with the exchange of a ring. Generally, it should start with the exchange of the engagement ring to get them ready for what is going to happen. That way, they will not be surprised when it needs to be followed after the marriage.

    I cannot agree more with this post.

  • imagejrkjpf:
    imagebebe11:
    imagejrkjpf:

    Very well said.

    Especially #7 - SM feels that she has the right to our house as her child stays with us exactly 50% of the time. Not while I am still living and breathing.

    What is the deal with that?  F that!!

    By her standards does that mean you have access to her home as well? lol

    Who knows, she isn't all there.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    image 

  • SWmamaSWmama member
    imageJ&A2008:
    imageMrsHamilton2b:
    STEPMOM BILL OF RIGHTS

    4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

     
    I think number 4 is valid only if you're talking about adopting non-bio kids into your family. 
     
    Otherwise, this rule sounds ridiculous. 

    I have to respectfully disagree. I think baring any sort of emergency, if/when SS comes to live with us full-time, DH and I will sit down and discuss things prior to saying yes or no. Him living with us will affect my daily life, therefore I should be consulted. Odds are I'm not going to say no, I just want to know what DH thinks it's going to look like v. what I think it's going to look like.  

    Again, if it's an emergency and he needs to come stay with us NOW, I have always said; go get him, we'll work out the details later. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • imageSWmama:
    imageJ&A2008:
    imageMrsHamilton2b:
    STEPMOM BILL OF RIGHTS

    4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

     
    I think number 4 is valid only if you're talking about adopting non-bio kids into your family. 
     
    Otherwise, this rule sounds ridiculous. 

    I have to respectfully disagree. I think baring any sort of emergency, if/when SS comes to live with us full-time, DH and I will sit down and discuss things prior to saying yes or no.

    Oh, blarf.  SS wasn't "consulted" before DH married you, and he was SS's dad before he was your husband.

    I'm not saying couples shouldn't discuss things, but to act like this rule is appropriate is bullsh!t.  You can't forbid your DH from allowing his children to live with him, and if you think you can, you have no business being a SM.  I would never marry someone who thought they could assert their "rights" and deny me the opportunity to live with my children.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • SWmamaSWmama member
    imageJ&A2008:
    imageSWmama:
    imageJ&A2008:
    imageMrsHamilton2b:
    STEPMOM BILL OF RIGHTS

    4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

     
    I think number 4 is valid only if you're talking about adopting non-bio kids into your family. 
     
    Otherwise, this rule sounds ridiculous. 

    I have to respectfully disagree. I think baring any sort of emergency, if/when SS comes to live with us full-time, DH and I will sit down and discuss things prior to saying yes or no.

    Oh, blarf.  SS wasn't "consulted" before DH married you, and he was SS's dad before he was your husband.

    I'm not saying couples shouldn't discuss things, but to act like this rule is appropriate is bullsh!t.  You can't forbid your DH from allowing his children to live with him, and if you think you can, you have no business being a SM.  I would never marry someone who thought they could assert their "rights" and deny me the opportunity to live with my children.

    Did you miss the part where I said "odds are I'm not going to say no"? Because from your response, it sounds as though you did. I WOULD say no if SS is an adult moocher, actively addicted to alcohol or drugs, or otherwise violent towards family members. However, if he was old enough (12 in Texas) and wanted to come live with us full-time (which is a possibility, his siblings from BM's first marriage went to live with their dad at that age), I fully expect DH and I would sit down together and talk about what it would be like on a daily basis and yes, make some ground rules. Such as "no running back to mama's because you got mad at us."

    In fact, DH already does this. Before he provides BM with a written statement of the dates he will use for summer visitation, he always checks the dates with me before sending them. I have never objected to them, but I am appreciative of this gesture.

    And DH did ask SS his opinion on letting me be a part of their family before he asked me to marry him. He said yes.  

    And I can't even begin to discuss how sad I am that you wouldn't marry me. (insert smiley of your choice here because apparently google chrome doesn't like them) 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • Just made a copy and sent it to my husband.  He just told me he feels bad about #2. But with #2 yeah ex-wives and BM can make decisions and plans without my consent.She made the decision to not see her children in the last 3 weeks.  In 2007 BM went to jail in GA (we live in FL) and he had to drive to get the kids before they were going to be sent to child services. It was unexpected but it was no question that they were going to live with us and they been staying with us ever since. We sat down discussed school, child support, how the kids will deal with the change, etc.  She barely pays rent and gets evicted all the time. She told my husband the kids needed suits for church since she used to get them on the weekend and WOW she actually needed suits so the kids can have something for HER wedding when she got married in June. So yeah she does make plans that will effect my life. I told him I knew what I getting into and I'm glad that even if their mother is not really in their life shoot I'm the best stepmother they would have ever had.Smile
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I'm glad you wouldn't say no, but I think it's absurd and hateful to act like anyone could by right give permission or forbid a parent from taking in his or her own child.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • After the past few weeks, I have to wholeheartedly agree with #2.

    Sad thing is, I absolutely love my DSD.  And she loves me as well - She is honestly one of the sweetest, considerate, respectful and loving people in my life.  I am so blessed to be a part of her life. 

    That being said, I am ready to throat punch all of my SIL's on my husband's side of the family.  If they make one more set of plans that intrude on our weekends with my SD (without asking her father beforehand!), I am going to blow.  And yes, I agree that this is more of a DH problem for not standing his ground, but I am FED UP!

    Carry on.  Big Smile  And thank you for allowing me to vent!

  • imageJ&A2008:

    I'm glad you wouldn't say no, but I think it's absurd and hateful to act like anyone could by right give permission or forbid a parent from taking in his or her own child.

    The rule does not state "must ask my permission" it just says "consulted".  A SM should be informed and part of the process should a person come to live with her.  As a SM a big part of the responsibility will fall on her shoulders and she should most definitely be part of the process of bringing that child into the home.

    You will not convince me otherwise. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker My birthson who came before I was ready. He doesn't call me mom but I love him just the same. ~7/10/99~
  • imageTheBuddha:
    imageJ&A2008:

    I'm glad you wouldn't say no, but I think it's absurd and hateful to act like anyone could by right give permission or forbid a parent from taking in his or her own child.

    The rule does not state "must ask my permission" it just says "consulted".  A SM should be informed and part of the process should a person come to live with her.  As a SM a big part of the responsibility will fall on her shoulders and she should most definitely be part of the process of bringing that child into the home.

    You will not convince me otherwise. 

    I agree a SP should be part of the process of bringing the child home to his/her bioparent, but not an unwilling or begrudging part.  I still think this rule highlights everything that can go wrong in the mind of a stepparent and implies that somehow stepkids are incidental to the marriage of the stepparent/bioparent.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • I love this! Sent a copy to my man.  #7 is my pet peeve. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"