How much time did you need before unhelpful guests came to visit?

tiffyspiffy1012 · July 2011

Hi Ladies! My LO is expected to arrive in 5 weeks or so, and I'm starting to wonder how much time I will need to settle into a routine with LO before putting up my in-laws for an extended stay. Don't get me wrong - I love them dearly - but they are the kind of people who DH and I have had to wait on hand and foot in the past, and I unfortunately don't expect that to change even when LO finally arrives. And as you probably well know, having to serve guests and tend to their every need is the last thing we need to worry about when dealing with a newborn! So my question to you is, how much time did you need to get into the swing of things before you felt comfortable dealing with guests (staying in your home) of this nature?

Mrs.Purdue · July 2011

it's been 10 weeks and my unhelpful parents are coming to visit starting on sunday. my mom came for a few days when she was 2 weeks old, and it wasn't THAT bad, but it was on a weekend so DH was home to help out.

does your DH get some time off? if so, I'd rather them come when there will be two of you (one to take care of the little baby and one to take care of the grown up babies) than once he goes back to work and you'll have to put up with them all day by yourself. if that's not an option, then I'd give yourself a month if you can. I was feeling much better by then (at least most of the hormones were under control and I was able to get dressed most days, etc).

tiffyspiffy1012 · July 2011

Thanks for your advice, Mrs. Purdue! DH has about 6 weeks of vacation/sick days saved up, so whenever his parents decide to come, I will make sure that he uses those days to help babysit! Big Smile

All I know is that they want to come up when the baby is still "new" (not quite sure what that means), so hopefully they will hold out on making the trip until LO is about a month old, since we should hopefully have gotten the hang of (most) things by then!

eawebster · July 2011

Well, I would have liked to have at least a week, maybe two, but what I actually got was zero time. My MIL and SIL came down the day LO was born and stayed for eight days. Not to mention the majority of DH's extended family came down for his cousin's wedding when DD was three days old and stayed five after that. That week was the most stressful thing I've ever been through (didn't expect to have DH's extended family at our house every day they were here) and I fully believe that's the reason I wasn't able to breastfeed any longer than a week. My supply tanked and I'm positive it was stress related.

Mrs.Purdue · July 2011

if DH will be with you, I think you could definitely handle it by 2 or 3 weeks if they didn't want to wait a month...

Also, we've found that if you give them really specific instructions, they'll most likely be totally willing to help. even though my mom doesn't typically lift a finger (or even ask if she CAN), when she came to visit, we said "man, I've got a craving for your meatloaf. want to make it for dinner tonight"? and she was really happy to do that (of course, I had to take her to the grocery store to buy all the ingredients, but whatever). We also asked her to just hold the baby while we got ready for the day, etc, and that was good too.

just know that they probably won't ask to help out or do anything on their own - even though they see the pile of dirty dishes, they aren't going to do them unless you specifically say "hey, would you mind doing the dishes while I feed LO". i really can't imagine them saying 'no' when it's such a small task. i also gave my mom the job of washing bottles (we were FF) and that was a nice task i didn't have to do while she was here.

MsAng02 · July 2011

At least a few weeks, I'd say.

MommaA117 · July 2011

two weeks min. Before that It was all a blur. Getting used to our new life....maybe 3.

mholcomb6 · July 2011

Depends on if you end up having a c section or not. I had planned for a natural birth but ended up with the c. My mom came out right away (when I was released from the hospital) and she was amazing. The non helpful guest followed the week after and was a bit of a surprise. She made dinner (nice) but that was about it. The nice thing with it being the second week was that I don't remember too much. I would say that 2 weeks is ok-but if they want to stay any longer than a week they need to find a hotel room. That will give everyone time to decompress and you to get into a rhythm. Good luck!

laurakaz13 · July 2011

I'm still not ready for unhelpful guests! Luckily my parents and in-laws have been very helpful during visits.

I would make sure your H takes time off when they visit, but also just not wait on them. Tell them to help themselves to food, the laundry room, etc. The baby will take up all your time.

Hbowers16 · July 2011

I'm 4 wks pp and still wouldn't want to put up with that

bunnymama625 · July 2011

ug-- my IL's were here last week for 5 hours and I was a complete stress bucket by the time they left.

They don't really want me BFing in front of them, expect to be entertained, and kept waking the baby up to "see her eyes". DH was ok with them coming b/c they bring food, but even he commented how worn out we were by the time they left.

They want to come up every week, but DH told them they need to wait until late next week to come again-- hoping to discourage them from making this a weekly thing. Esp since the AC is in the livingroom, so LO and I have to go sweat in the nursery when nursing... ug.

I would say they need to stay in a hotel, or you need to stop catering to them altogether. I've had to be pretty firm with mine- for example, when they ask what is for dinner like you are going to cook them up a gourmet feast, flat out say "you know, I've been so tired with the baby I haven't even thought about it-- if you guys want to go get something, that's ok with me".

Mrs.Purdue · July 2011

elisamariaortiz:
They don't really want me BFing in front of them,
...
Esp since the AC is in the livingroom, so LO and I have to go sweat in the nursery when nursing... ug.

umm... absolutely not! I'd say "looks like LO is hungry. I'm going to feed him/her now. If anyone wants to leave the room, feel free". there's no way I'd be 'forced' to feed my baby somewhere else when I'm in my OWN house. if you were in their house and they weren't comfortable with it, then fine (i guess), but they're guests in your house and making you feel uncomfortable?! no way!

kewltif · July 2011

I think you might be surprised by how helpful people are, even if they never were before. The first few days I was kind of irritated because I felt like my mother in law just wanted to play with the baby all day and I was stuck doing extra dishes and cleaning up. Well now I'm very happy that she likes playing with the baby all day because when she comes it's a total mental break for me!

crabbypatty426 · July 2011

It's been 5 weeks and I still haven't had anyone come for even an afternoon other than my mom and sister. I still just can't stomach the idea of having to deal with all of those people in my tiny house making a mess. But I'm pretty unpleasant about having people in my space even when I don't have a newborn. Give yourself at least a few weeks to feel normal again. We're just now getting back into a good routine.

kimbo1216 · July 2011

I didn't really care. I let people come whenever they wanted. The only overnight guest we had, though, was my sister at 1 week old.

It really just depends on you and your preferences. I've been told that I'm more laid back about it than the average person would be.

MissManda · July 2011

My mom came for a week when DS was 1 week. I thought she'd be helpful, but she wasn't, and it really just stressed me out. She bossed DH around, actually said to me once "Why don't you give me DS so YOU can let the dogs out and clean the kitchen." Yeah, I was pissed.

I'd say if DH can be home (mine was, and that helped a bit), then 2 weeks or so - then you're recovered from delivery to some degree and you will be ready to just hand baby over and do whatever you want to do. (A shower would be nice!)

PartiallySunny · July 2011

One week for close friends and family (that aren't there to cook/clean/help).

In your case, I wouldn't have been ready for that for at least 6 weeks, maybe never.

jenna3016 · July 2011

I had a guests stay in our home for a week when E was about 2 weeks old. That was too soon.

In hind sight, I would have rather waited 4-6 weeks before having company. I was recovering from an unplanned c-section, and was having a difficult time.... no to mention, I'd barely slept for the prior month.

no sleep + c section = one cranky momma

My mom came for the first week, but she made dinner, went grocery shopping, ran errands, changed diapers, watched E, washed bottles & cleaned the guest bathroom/bedroom when she left.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · July 2011

My IL's showed up on the first day home from the hospital...at 9pm and stayed until midnight! They live in town too so it's not like they showed up late due to traveling..they came over after THEIR day was over and bugged us. I was beyond annoyed, especially when my FIL told me to go to bed, he would watch DD. Ummmmm..no, this is my brand new baby, I'm not just going to leave her with you in the living room.

SFBayMrs · July 2011

DS is almost 2 months old and I still wouldn't want overnight guests!

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